Cancer is a wild beast….treatment I think is worse. I know that all sounds pretty negative. I wanted to be really up front and honest about how all of this is going. I think people who aren’t or haven’t had cancer in their immediate family have no idea what it’s like. I had no idea. I sent a card, wished people well, said a prayer or two and hoped everything went well. I assumed it did. Little did I know what was happening behind the family’s front door. Every family has a different cancer experience…here is ours for this week…
I planned on starting with Monday but I’m going to be honest. I can’t remember the who’s, what’s and when’s. All I know is the big highlights as everything runs together.
Monday we had a different PA. It was chemo and radiation day. They decided to do the head MRI because Kramer is having such terrible headaches. Kramer could eat soft food-but it was painful.
Tuesday a friend drove Kramer. He had a talk with the radiation doctor and was told that he should start taking painkillers before he ate. YES, it’s that bad for him to swallow.
Wednesday I took Kramer. He had the MRI and late that night we found out the scan was clear and it wasn’t a tumor causing the headaches. Kramer took the meds that were added to his list….forgetting that he needed to increase stool softeners and got himself into HUGE trouble.
We were almost to the ER overnight between Wednesday and Thursday. Things weren’t right. But after waiting it out until morning, things got better.
Thursday Kalissa took Kramer. Swallowing was worse than ever. Kramer and Kalissa tried to stop at a couple garage sales but after a few, he was way too tired. The mind wants to…the body can’t.
He’s on oxygen 24 hours a day now. He’s completely wiped after taking a shower and needs to spend time in the chair to recoup.
Friday Kelli was here. We had a driver lined up to take him. Kelli was going to help me do childcare and we were going to hang out. Kramer woke up terrible. Slowly he started getting better but by 10am we knew things weren’t right. He walked out to the kitchen and almost passed out. We had to grab a chair and get him to sit for awhile. We ended up calling in they asked that we come in right away. This, of course, sounds very simple in words but in life, it’s not. Kelli was suddenly in charge of the kids…I was changing clothes, throwing things in the truck as I didn’t have lunch and I can’t eat anything with salt in it or dairy so basically fruits, veggies and meat so I HAD to pack something I knew was okay. (remember I have that full body scan next Friday and have to be on the special diet) Parents had to be notified that I was leaving and Kelli would be here….what a mess. Kelli and I were both running around. Thankfully none of this phases the kiddos.
Kramer saw the doctor. She lined him up to have 2 liters of fluids. She also started what is needed for Kramer to get a feeding tube. That’s going to happen on next week….likely on Tuesday. YES, that’s what this has come to. A man who previously took no pills is now taking 22 pills a day. Kramer is disappointed but what’s a person to do. We have to do whatever it is that will get us to the other side of this.
He was doing so much better physically after the fluids by the time we got home so he was hopeful.
Today we were up..Kramer was doing pretty good. We went to a garage sale. He drove up town three blocks to the farmer hang out in town. He drove back home. I was so hopeful for a good weekend. Then BAM. He went down and took a shower and came back up TERRIBLE. He is in TERRIBLE pain with his neck. I’m doing the whole debate on whether I need to try to get him to the ER. Kalissa has been over and checked him out. He’s in the chair-heat pad on his neck…getting up out of the chair is a painful for him. I have no idea how this all came about. Neither does he. I have no idea if there is something pinched…is this somehow related to chemo-to radiation. AH…
Both of us are so disappointed. We so hoped for a good weekend…a good day…a good half of day.
We constantly are now on the “do we have to drop everything and leave mode”. I am frantically trying to get as much done as I can today so …”just in case”….just in case of exactly what I don’t know. I don’t know what’s lurking around the corner but I’m sure something is. I think we’re both starting to feel a little bit like one of those Friday the 13th horror shows when you start to hear the music and know something is going to be bad…you just don’t know where the bad thing is coming from.
We’re okay. But just okay. We aren’t fabulous. We’re wearing our life vests and that’s what’s keeping us afloat but we are afloat and that’s all that matters. Today I’m telling you the bad…what’s happening behind the closed doors of people struggling through cancer treatments. On another day I’ll tell you the good…because there is good too. Today is one of those days, that the shadows are looming a little too heavy. I have stitching planned for this evening regardless of how much I do or don’t have done here in the house. That is just what I need….but seriously, I hate to even write that, as I still feel like a trip to the ER just might happen yet…that’s our house as of 5pm Saturday, April 27th. By the way, we got about 4″ of snow today too.
UPDATE FROM KELLI—Mom called me just before 7 and told me they were headed to the ER.