I caught a few people off guard on Saturday morning when I wrote a blog post I called, “Embracing being Non-monogamous”. Apparently, several people thought I was talking about something other than cross-stitch. Nope. I was only talking about cross-stitch. (You can read that blog post HERE)
After reading the title of that post, one blog reader said, “I thought Jo was going to start dating”.
Nope. Jo is not going to start dating.
My kids have asked me how I feel about dating. They seem to be okay with me if I’d want to…me, I don’t want to. I don’t ever want to. I am perfectly 100% fine with my single life…of course, I would take my husband back in a heartbeat, but I don’t want another man unless it’s a new grandson in my life.
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it…I think at one point and time every person who has lost a spouse has thought about it…but every thought I’ve had has been a negative thought.
Here are some of them…
I have gotten to the point in my widow’s life that I like going to bed when I want and I like getting up when I want. I don’t want to consider anyone else when it comes to that. I like doing whatever I want to do and not having to explain or defend it. I can keep the light in the living room on or off at whatever brightness I want. I like picking out what I want to watch on television and not having to care what someone else wants to watch.
I love being low-maintenance. I don’t have to care if someone else thinks I’m dressed too fancy or too casual. I don’t have to care if a spouse likes my hair longer or shorter. I don’t have to care if I shave my legs or not. (by the way, I always do)
I couldn’t imagine there is any man out there that could tolerate all my kids and grandkids. They are a lot for me and I already unconditionally love them. I could never stand another man in my life criticizing my kids or telling me what I should or shouldn’t do with my kids. I love my kids and grandkids so much that I just can’t see a way that I could ever add an outsider in. I just don’t see a spot for anyone.
Meshing two families at this point would be a challenge. Anyone I would date at this point would have kids and grandkids…I don’t want my kids to play second fiddle and I don’t want to feel guilty for not being a new family’s mom/grandma. My goodness, when all of my kids are home, the house is full. I can’t imagine adding more.
I am so busy. I love my life as is…I don’t need more. If I added another person to my life, I’d have to give up so many of the things I love…Nope.
My health. As you know I have thyroid cancer and my journey with it isn’t over. I won’t drag someone else into that.
Date…I hate leaving home unless it’s to a garage sale, thrifting, auctions, or picking up new foster dogs. I still get grocery pickup. I don’t like going out…why would I date when going out is the expectation. Speaking of thrifting and auctions…a lot of people hate that. I could not give that up.
We’ve gotten to the point between me and kids and grandkids, we don’t have a lot of family drama. I can’t imagine being dragged into a different family’s drama or worse yet, me being the drama. NOPE. Life is too short for that.
I was talking to my son Buck on the phone last night. If you didn’t know, he’s single. He said, “You know mom if Jesus came with a nice brunette woman and He said, ‘This is the girl for you’. I’d think about dating her…but other than that, I don’t know about dating.”
I told him back, “Well if Jesus came and said, “Here’s a wonderful guy and he’s the one for you”, I think I’d still say no.”
The truth is. I’m settling into single life. I loved married life. I loved it a lot and I’d take it back in a heartbeat if it was Kramer…but it can’t be. For me, second best is single life. I think I’m learning to embrace it and appreciate it in its own way. As much as liked cooking for Kramer, I love only fixing foods that I like. As much as love going to auctions with Kramer, I’m glad the garage isn’t full of stuff he’s going to remake. There is a peace in being single that I can do what I want when I want and not have to care about anybody else’s wants, needs, or desires….and I don’t have to deal with their stuff.
I’m so thankful dating isn’t on my radar at all. It makes life so much easier. If I’m going to pursue something… it’s likely going to be a donut or cross-stitch linen I can’t find…not a man.
I can totally understand why some people who lost a spouse do want to date. I can understand why they want to have a someone in their life. Me, I have five kids, 10 grandkids, a handful of in-laws, two dogs, and foster dogs on top of that. For me, that is enough someones for me…but I realize not many people have that…and if I didn’t, I might want a someone and those reasons why I don’t want to date might not have as much weight. I am just happy that there are options for everyone. If you want to date you can…and if you want to stay home and sew and not deal with all of that…you can do that too.
Yep…Don’t worry about me dating. It ain’t gonna happen.