One Year Ago…

I was looking at the calendar while I was scheduling blog posts. September 9th. Yep, that’s a day I’ll always remember.

365 days ago, I was lying in a hospital bed at the University of Iowa Hospital. I had just had back surgery. I was a ball of emotion. Was this going to stop the pain I was experiencing? How hard would recovery be? How long would it take before I could be on my own again? Will I ever be able to walk the dog again?

Before I ever had the surgery, my doctor said, “20% of the people who have this surgery have some sort of complication. Are you sure you want to do it? Only people who are desperate should do this surgery.”

Gee. Was I going to be that 20%? If I was, what would my complication be? One thing I did know for sure: I was desperate. The pain before was awful. I had been more than willing to take the risk. Plus…in the past I’ve overcome some tough odds. I could likely do it again.

Originally, my surgery was scheduled for the 21st. I was expected to be in the hospital for a week, then rehad for another week. Unexpectedly, when I was at the cabin in northern Minnesota, I got the call. They could do it sooner. For a second I hesitated. My daughter Kalissa had arranged her schedule so she could help me when I got home from surgery. I knew she would be upset if I changed the date. I also knew that if I had it done sooner, I had a quicker chance at relief. I took the chance. I’d just have to fight harder to get better quicker.

…and that’s what I did.

I had the surgery. It was a Tuesday. That evening, the nurse told me that PT would be in the following morning. I told her. “Good”. I needed them if I was going to get out of the hospital.

My kids were great. One of them was with me all the time…sleeping there and actually being my nurse. The nurse did very little for me except pass meds. It was my kids who got me up for the bathroom. It was my kids that helped me get situated in bed. It was my kids who helped with any need.

Wednesday, PT came in, and I told them they were just who I was looking for. Again. I needed them if I was going to get out of the hospital. They got me up… Yep, I was still in a lot of pain, but it was nothing worse than I was used to before the surgery. We took a lap walking around the nurses’ station. They set up some steps and taught me how to go up and down. They said they would check on me the following day. Before they left, I asked if we could walk around the nurses’ station on our own. They said I was stable enough, and I had to have someone with me.

So I made a goal…every time I got up to go to the bathroom, we’d make a lap around the nurses’ station, and that’s what we did.

The next day, PT released me, saying they didn’t think I needed them anymore.

Thursday rolled around. By noon, they told me they were putting things together to release me. Release me to where?? The answer: HOME!

I can’t tell you how happy I was. I hate putting people out. I hate being needy. Sure, I’d still need the kids for a bit, but at least they could sleep in something besides the icky recliner in the hospital. I could eat better food, and mostly, I would have a roommate. Oh, my roommate was TERRIBLE!

Poor Kayla drew the short straw. She was there when they said I was going home, and she was the kid who had Thursday overnight duty.

Kayla is my non-nurse daughter. She told me a couple of times that she felt a little uncomfortable and that one of her sisters was a better candidate to care for me… but she did a marvelous job. She totally stepped up and did an amazing job.

Kayla stayed with me a couple of days…I don’t remember exactly how many. She did an amazing job figuring out my meds. I was on so many at first.

Monday morning I was on my own. I was using a walker but was doing okay with it.

My journey didn’t end there… but over the last year, the milestones have been fewer and further between. When I first stood for the first time at the hospital, I knew my pain wasn’t over. I had sharp-shooting pain in my right leg. That’s where the nerve damage had started. Today I still have pain in that leg/hip. It’s rarely sharp and shooting…those 10 out of 10 instances…but it can still be there. Now it’s more of a 3 out of 10 and not all the time. Bending over can get me but not all of the time.

I was a little in the dumps earlier this month. I had seen the calendar. When they did surgery, they told me I’d know the results of the surgery after a year went by. Whatever I was at that point was probably how I’d be. That made me a little sad. I’m not where I wish I was.

In May and even early June of last year, I would walk Rosie 3 miles with my friend Carla. I can’t even walk a mile…well, maybe if my life depended on it, but not a step further, and it would look pretty ugly. I have a wheeled stool in the kitchen because cooking a whole meal is too much for me if I have to be on my feet the whole time.

Previous to all of this, I had back pain occasionally and went to the chiropractor for it occasionally. Nowadays I have back pain daily, and I can’t go to the chiropractor for it. It’s a crapshoot as far as how bad it is. Sometimes it makes me not do a lot…other days I can function through it with few problems. I regularly take pain meds and prescription pills at times.

I do know that dealing with the pain is hard on my patience level. I’m a little less patient than I used to be. It’s hard to try to keep both my pain and patience in check at the same time. It makes big grandma days a little harder for me. I’m especially whooped the next day.

I had foot surgery years ago, and a year after that, someone asked if I still had foot pain. I said I kind of feel like I exchanged one kind of pain for another. I feel like that adequately describes life now. I did exchange one pain for another. This pain doesn’t have me in tears, though…so I’m calling it an improvement.

The thing that has changed…I’ve learned to adapt. I’ve learned that if I want to do things, I have to do them in segments. I’ve learned to get things to help me. I can take a shower without a shower chair, but I keep one. It’s one less battle I have to be strong for.

Right now we’re working on fixing the sewing room to accommodate me and make things less straining on my back. I’ll tell you more about that once we get everything in place.

Thanks to Rick, I’ve learned to relax a lot more. I think that has been the biggest help. I pick a task for the day. The other day it was cleaning the kitchen. It took about three hours. I got it done and felt accomplished. Rick has taught me that’s enough. Without that, I’d be doing more, and my back would be more of a problem.

I don’t get as much done as I previously did. I’m learning to be okay with that.

I don’t know for sure if some of my issues are because my body is on overload. I’m sure dealing with healing my body, everyday life, and fighting cancer all at once is a hard job. When considering that, I can see that my body really is working hard, and giving it a break might be a good idea.

So overall, would I have done the surgery knowing what I know now? 100%. I’d do it again knowing I’d exchanged one pain for another. I’d just have prepared myself better and reminded myself that, as a person ages, it gets harder and harder to defy the odds.

No worries…this is likely what I needed to finally slow me down a bit.