My Friday

First off…Thanks so much to all of you for the great support you’ve been showing our family.  It is unbelievable.  I am in awe.  We all feel so loved.

I’ll catch you up on some of the details of the funeral with pictures and such over the next week or so.  Yesterday I came out of the funeral fog and did a little try at entering the world again.  I’d be lying if I didn’t say it had it’s ups and downs but I’d also be lying if I didn’t say it felt a little bit good.

During Kramer’s illness a lot of the things I needed got put on hold.  I didn’t get my hair cut…I don’t think since Christmas.  UGH.  My childcare mom usually cuts it but I didn’t ask so we didn’t do it.  I had bigger things to worry about.  I also had a tooth that was suppose to get a crown.  That didn’t happen either.  Then from April into May it kept getting worse and I would pop a couple Tylenol and live with it.  I didn’t say anything to anyone until Monday after Kramer passed away.  I said something to one of the girls and the next thing I knew they had a dentist appointment for me for yesterday.

I thought the tooth problem was with a tooth I was told a year ago would likely need a crown.  But I got to the dentist and realized that my tooth had quit hurting.  After thinking about it, I realized my tooth hadn’t been hurting for most of the week.

My dentist was awesome.  She knew Kramer had passed away.  She gently talked to me and said she thought that I was likely grinding my teeth.  She tested all of my teeth and couldn’t find where the pain was coming from.  She explained to me that it’s typical for people under stress to grind their teeth and end up with discomfort.  So I went from thinking the crown for tooth had to happen immediately to back on the “plan to get a crown” plan.  I’m game for that.  She did file a couple of my teeth down just a smidgen to see if that might help me but we’re waiting it out a bit for now.

Well…I didn’t think I was grinding my teeth a month ago…but I wouldn’t doubt I was.  It has been quite the few months.

After the dentist I did some errands.  There is stuff around the house that needs attention.  I have weeds growing up in cracks…hoses that need replacing…all sorts of little stuff.  I tried to tackle those things.  I also did some simple stuff for me that had been neglected.  I got a pair of sunglasses.  My old ones were all scratched and giving me a headache from the scratches so I tossed them.

After I got back home I talked to Kalissa and we went the other direction to town.  I had some things to do at the funeral home…and had errands for that direction.

Lora brought a house plant in this big watering pot planter.  Kayla loved the plant…I love the planter so we split the two things up.  I got the planter but needed plants for it so the nursery was another destination too.

We were gifted wind chimes so they needed a shepherd’s hook.  We had gotten a gift certificate to the nursery so I was able to use that to get the things.  We also were given a tree as a memorial and picked that out too.

When we got home Craig was getting off work so Kalissa and her family ate at my house.

After they went home I went outside to puz.  We were given several outdoors plants as memorials.  Kramer and I hadn’t planted anything on this side of the front porch.  We were waiting for the right inspiration.  Well…we were gifted several of my favorite plants….Bridal Wreath Spireas and Hydrangeas.  They were the exact plants we were thinking of putting here so now…this is where they are going.  Craig and I debated about how to landscape it and think something like this will work….

I’m running out of bricks from the ones I “saved” when the rectory here in town was demolished.  I think there are enough for us to just make it work.  I do have one brick piece put in the other landscaping we did along the front of the house that I could rob… It is fairly long if Craig thinks we need to adjust this.

I am super excited about the prospect of this.  It would look so nice…

After that I decided to walk Ruby.  I ended up on the road to the cemetery.  I hadn’t been to the grave site since the funeral.

It was kind of hard.  I didn’t think I’d even be a person that visits the cemetery.  I’m not one that would sit and talk to my loved one but I found I might be one would just like the open space and quietness to remember.

Kramer’s grave is along the edge…closed to the crop land.  He picked the spot.

Previous to this I thought I would wait before I picked a headstone.  I’m not going to.  I’m adding that to my to-do list for next week.  It feels “not complete”…and it feels like I deserted him a bit without one there.  Baby steps.  It’s all baby steps here for awhile.

…then home we went.

38 thoughts on “My Friday”

  1. I’ve been thinking of and praying for you and your family all week. The tribute that Kalissa posted yesterday had me in tears. What a man Kramer must have been to elicit such a loving response from your community! It is obvious that he was well loved and will be truly missed.
    For your teeth grinding, I don’t know if your dentist mentioned it, but you can get a cheap ($18 or so) mouth guard at Walmart. You mold it to fit your teeth. I found it in the dental care aisle. It helped me heaps last year when I had quite a bit of stress and was grinding my teeth. I was getting migraines from it (1 lasted an entire month before I gave in and went to the dentist). It’s worth a try if you’re still in any pain.
    {{{{ Hugs from California}}}}

  2. Nikki DeRamus Moshier

    i grind my teeth also. I have had several very expensive, made by dentists, guards and my dog has chewed them. Now I go to Walmart and in the sports section, there are mouth guards that mold to your teeth for about $1. I trim them and use them (until the dog finds them again). Baby steps are good. Grief is a process. Let yourself feel. Deep breaths sometimes are good. You are in my thoughts daily.

  3. Think of you often even though we have only “met” through your blog. Tears often come when reading about loosing Kramer. Sending hugs to help you in your sad days.

  4. So good to hear that you took some time to take care of YOU!! With some help from the girls. Those plants look really pretty. One word of caution!! Remember how much certain plants can grow. You may want to situate some of them closer to the edge of the garden area (away from the porch) so they don’t create a tripping hazard on the steps. Thanks for sharing your venture out!

  5. Thanks for the update. I imagine that some days will be easier than others. It sounds like you are doing good and that warmed my heart. Take care!

  6. Yes, baby steps and taking one day, one hour, or one minute at a time. Grief is a process that is different for everyone. Do it your way. (((HUGS)))

  7. Sometimes it’s a day at a time and sometimes it’s a minute at a time. We each heal in our own time and in our own way. There is no right way. Good for you to take the time today to do those things you wanted to do “right now” in the moment you decided you wanted/needed to do them. May God walk with you and carry you when you need Him to.

  8. Your life mirrors my Mom’s (and mine) we’re just two months farther ahead on the same road. Lists, lists, and like you said, baby steps into a future we were not planning.

  9. Carol Lorraine Stearns

    Hugs and Blessings as you go on this journey. You are so fortunate to have such a close and loving family.

  10. Oh My, From one Jo to another… There will be a void for a long time. Memories & smells & music bring the loved one backup be near. Don & I Lost our son May 5th. Still Raw. It no longer moment to moment. Its now hour by hour, soon it will be daybed day!.. Its been a month, but seems like yesterday! Strench, Peace & love coming your way. (I sold sewing Machines at your Retreat sale)

  11. It seems like Kramer was taking care of things in such a way that you would still be cared for even after he passed on. What a wonderful man. Your time with him was cut short, but what a blessing to have been with him. Hang in there Kramer clan.

  12. Mary Ann Mettler

    Love the plants going in – they do look great! May a beautiful haircut be in your near future – although you look great just as you are. One new thing that we have done is put up a song bird feeder and a humming bird feeder. It is so nice to see those birds. The wind chimes will be beautiful. The brick work will look so nice along the flower beds. Sending love and prayers as you take this new path.

  13. Jo grief is a journey that has happy times, laughter and sadness.God will be with you and your family every step of the way. KRAMER STRONG. You are an amazing woman and have a great support team.Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

  14. Hugs to you and your family. It really is baby steps. A whole new adventure awaits you and your family will be right there with you.

  15. My thoughts have been with you through this journey. My husband even asked how you were doing. You and your family have become so much a part of your blog family’s life. We love and care for you all.

  16. Yes they were baby steps… but that is where you need to start. Prayers as you move forward… one moment… one day at a time.

  17. SusanfromKentucky

    Baby steps, but you have a great support system with your family. Quilting has really helped me. While I concentrate on sewing, I “forget” my sadness for awhile. I know you’ve missed sewing, so maybe it’s time to give it a try again. Hugs!

  18. Thank you for posting your progress, if we can call living through grief, that. I find I worry about you and yours when you don’t. Prayers for Him to comfort you and your family.

  19. I feel such a huge amount of love and respect for you and your family. I was doing fine with reading your errand running etc. and glad that you are finding beauty and joy. But, when I read that simple sentence, “He picked the spot.” I melted: tears and overwhelmed with sadness. Then I thought that Kramer and Kramer wouldn’t want that to be the only reaction. It is beautiful that this is his place and he is where he wanted to be. There is joy in that. Lo

  20. My deepest sympathies to you and the Kramer family. Take your time to find you new normal with your trail of baby steps.

  21. I’ve been thinking of you and your family. I know the past few months have been very hard for all of you. It’s good to see you are beginning to take some baby steps forward. Probably the best advice I ever heard for dealing with the loss of a spouse is to not make any really big decisions about where your life is going from here for at least a year. I’m wishing you all the best in this next stage of your journey.

  22. I’m so happy you seem to be moving forward. Sometimes it will be forward and sometimes it won’t but with the love of those around you you will learn to live in a new normal. Be patient with yourself as you find a new way.

  23. Penny Holliday

    Seems like a necessary & perfect day for you, Jo & may you have more as needed! Sending love & hugs to you Jo & your family while keeping you in my prayers!

  24. Susan the Farm Quilter

    Baby steps are perfect and when the day goes sideways, sidestep. Praying for your family on your baby-step journey. Drive safely.

  25. Judith Fairchild

    I liked your comment about baby steps that describes the way to walk through your whole life change. Prayer everyday for you and your family as you get used to doing without Husband, Daddy, Son and Grandpa. I So look forward to your blogs.

  26. gayle r tucker

    Losing a part of yourself is so hard. There will be days when you don’t want to face anything. Don’t. There will be days when you tell yourself to get up and get on with your life. I speak from experience. You are now a new part of you, a new version. Accept what you can, mourn what you must, find strength where you can. Seeing a very sick person through their last days is stressful for you also. Allow yourself some down time. Bless you and those who support and grieve with you.

  27. I think you should do what feels right in regards to the headstone. In regards to any decision you make really. Do what is right for you and yours!

    In our church’s tradition, the headstone is put in on the one year anniversary of the death. Then the family brings fruit to the service and it is blessed by the priests. And then served at the meal after the mass. I am thinking that waiting a year was to mark the end of a year of grieving. But really, who can put a timeline on that? I’ve also heard it said that a loved one’s spirit or soul stays with us for the first year that they will know we are ok. Who knows? I guess we will find out for sure when that day arrives for us.

    I will continue to keep your family in my prayers!

  28. That is what we did with our father, was have a grave sight next to the edge, by a crop. and the farm stead in the background. Mom was disappointed because they didn’t put him in the place she chose, one sight over. I saw it and said it was perfect, where he was going to be. As a farmer for his life, he would have wanted it that way.

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