Monday: A Comedy of Silliness

Monday was a crazy day for me here at my house. It was an Anders day, and also a day when I had to watch the boys in the evening until Craig was done at the farm.

Our day started out pretty normal. I had it in my head to try to get the toy room cleaned. It had been about nine months since the toys were all dumped out and gone through. Things had gotten mixed up, and they all needed to be sorted. Over the last nine months, I haven’t been in shape to be bending over and trying to do that. I didn’t know that I was in shape to do it now, but it was to the point that not sorting them out was no longer an option. They were a mess.

At one point, Anders found the Batman mask.

So cute!!

A little later in the day I was in the bathroom when the door burst open, the light got turned out, and Anders was screaming, “Look, light work!” while Rosie and I looked on, wondering what was happening.

So there I am on the toilet with a dog and a little boy with a flashlight. Apparently, he had found the flashlight in the toy room mess, realized it worked, and wanted to test it out in a room without a window. That happened to be the bathroom…and I was in it. He was back out the door in no time, and of course, he left the door wide open when he left. Oh the joys of being grandma!!

That should have been an indication of how my evening was going to go…

So Anders napped. We still weren’t done with the toy room. I left it hoping for help from Carver and Gannon when they got off the bus.

They got off the bus and helped…we were putting the last thing away when Kalissa arrived to pick them up. It was about 4:10 pm. The plan was that she would keep them and feed them. She would drop Carver off at ball practice at 5:30 pm. She’d drop Anders and Gannon off at my house at 6:15 pm. She’d go to work. Craig would pick up the boys at 7:15 pm. I would leave and get my haircut at 7:30 pm.

Oh my. What a lot to juggle. For now, I had about two hours to kill, so I went out and planted the flowers in my planter boxes.

Kalissa ended up talking to me later. Craig couldn’t get out of work on time. She had a different sitter lined up, and I was to drop the boys off at their house at 7:15 pm.

At 6 pm, Rick called me. He calls every night at that time. He’s on break from work. I was talking to him when Kalissa walked in and dropped the boys off. She said to call her when I was done talking to Rick. I got done talking to Rick. I called Kalissa. We re-went over the plan. Kelli called immediately after. Anders wanted to talk to Kelli. Gannon wanted to talk to Kelli. Then Kelli said, “Isn’t Carver there??”

CRAP! I needed to be at the ball diamond in minutes. I had two minutes to load up Gannon and Anders and get to the ball diamond. I told Kelli I had to go and immediately hung up.

I went into crazy mode. I sent the boys to the bathroom. I wanted to go to the bathroom. I needed my purse and a drink in case practice went a little later. Oh my word. The boys were in the van yelling for me because the seats were folded down and there was nowhere in the van for them to sit. Oh my. I had my purse on my shoulder and went out to pop the seats back up. AHH!! This was taking too long. It was the first practice of the year, and I didn’t want Carver to feel abandoned because I wasn’t there.

I got the seats up. Purse with keys? check. Both boys? check. Rosie wasn’t in her kennel, but she’d be okay for that long. Check. My drink. Forgot. Did I need it? No. Good…I’m okay to go.

I got to the ballpark, and everyone was still playing. Hmm. They didn’t look like they were quitting. Hmm. Gannon and Anders asked if they could go play on the playground. I looked at my phone to check the time. I was about three minutes late. Gannon and Anders asked again if they could go play on the playground. I said yes and warned them that if I called for them, they were to come right away.

Mentally I assessed the field to see if something was mixed up. That’s when I realized my foot was having a problem going numb again. Drat. OH DRAT!! That’s when I realized I didn’t have shoes on…only socks. Gee, I hoped I didn’t need to get out of the car. Then I looked down and realized what I was wearing. My crappiest yoga pants that are about two sizes too big…ugh. I’ve vowed to throw them away and haven’t. My sweatshirt was my favorite vintage MGM sweatshirt. I bought it years ago from the thrift store. It was in the work clothes bin. I’ve worn it for years since then. It has holes in the elbows that are the size of 3 1/2″ square. I looked like a street urchin. Oh my word.

Whatever happened, I needed to try really hard NOT to have to get out of the van. All the other moms looked cute in their casual athletic wear. Oh my word. I was mortified. How could I have left the house with NO SHOES???!!

Just then, Anders came back to the van and said, “Grandma Jo, I have to go poop!” Oh my word. My worst nightmare. I was going to have to go to the OUTHOUSE with Anders. Then Anders said, “Gannon has to go potty, too!” Oh my word. He had just gone?? I told Anders to get Gannon. I could see the kids were still actively practicing. I could load these two up, take them to my house 2 minutes away, take them to the bathroom, and be right back. They make the boys clean up the equipment so even if they were finishing soon, I could be back on time.

I quickly took my sweatshirt off. Thank goodness I wore a bra that day because, quite frankly, I often don’t. I had an old t-shirt on, but it was better than my MGM sweatshirt. Now the debate…If Anders REALLY had to go, I’d need to go to the outhouse…if he could wait, we’d go to my house. I had to be ready either way…now I debated. Did I want to go to the outhouse with socks on or barefoot? Either way made me cringe. I decided barefoot. I wouldn’t look quite as weird walking past everyone barefoot. So my socks came off.

Just then, a family friend came over and knocked on my van window. Oh my. I opened the window, shared my crazy story, and she said, “Don’t worry. If he needs to go, I’ll just take him. WHEW. As much as I hated for her to do that…I was going to let her.

So my friend stayed there, and we talked. Anders never came back. I found out that practice wasn’t expected to be out until 7 pm…not 6:30 as was assumed. Oh my word!! All of this could have been averted if I had known we had more time. Here we were. Nothing was hurt but my pride, and by now, I was starting to see it all was just a comedy of errors. I was not quite…but almost…laughing at the whole scene.

I finished talking with my friend. I could see the boys coming in from the field. I check the time. CRAP!! It was 7:08. I needed to be a the place to cut hair in 22 minutes. I thought it would take at least 15 minutes to get there. I was still wearing THESE TERRIBLE CLOTHES!! I had to get home to change. Carver came towards the van. I told him to go get his brothers. Anders came right away…Gannon lolly-gagged along. Oh my word. So the plan was to go to my house, leave the boys in the van and I run in and change. I had a basket of folded laundry I hadn’t taken to my bedroom yet. Something in that basket could HAVE to work.

I asked Anders if he still had to go poop. He looked at me very weirdly, as if he had never said he had to, and said no. Then I asked Gannon if he had found the outhouse. He also looked at me oddly and said, “No. I went at your house.” Anders must have been fibbing. UGH. All the panic for nothing.

I took one step into the house and realized the kids didn’t finish what they were playing with. I called them in, and they picked it up while I quickly changed my clothes. Back in the van and phone was ringing. The other babysitter was wondering if the plans had changed. She knows I’m not normally late and was worried she was supposed to be there for the boys. I said, “No…plans didn’t change. I was pulling into the driveway.”

The boys jumped out, and I headed to my hair appointment. I got there exactly on time (I did speed just a bit.) Whew.

The person who cuts my hair is another family friend. I did childcare for their kids for much of their younger years. They are a wonderful family. I truly love them. I told her my story. We both laughed, and then the kids came to her basement salon and visited too…then her husband. I ended up staying there quite a while and didn’t get home until shortly after 9 pm.

I hadn’t had supper. I ate a bowl of rice pudding while watching a bit of basketball. I just vegged on the couch, taking in my day. That’s when I looked down to see my black, encrusted fingernails. I hadn’t scrubbed my nails since planting the flowers. Oh my word. Discovering that just went with the whole chaotic day!! I was washing my hands and then going to bed.

I got upstairs…took my meds, went to the bathroom, and then crawled into bed. What a day!! That’s when I realized I forgot to finish the blog post I was writing. At this point in the day, there was NO WAY I was going downstairs and writing a blog post. I was exhausted!!

…and that, my friends, is why there was no morning blog post today. Oh my.