I’m having a bad case of Momma Bear happening. I am so disappointed and frustrated in people. Seriously, with things as they are why can’t people just be kind?
Here’s what happened:
Yesterday Kalissa had a bad day…well actually the whole weekend at the hospital was terrible. She works at a small hospital. The current events have already overwhelmed them…not with patients but decisions. With news and events changing by the hour the nurses are getting jerked this way and that way. Policies change by the day…even by the shift. It’s stressful. Kalissa had been working overnights and without me to watch the kids, it’s been a lot. Her regular highschool sitter was exposed and is doing self quarantine. A couple other highschool kids she would have normally called are already watching kids. So…that’s put a big stress on her.
In the midst of all that, she wrote a blog post she has since deleted. It was about the 11 things that are causing her a lot of stress and anxiety because of COVID-19. She was having a bag day, anxiety had gotten the best of her, she didn’t “nice up” the post and wrote a very raw, with honest, at the moment feelings, post.
Several people wrote kind comments….then there is always that random person who is just can’t disagree but has to be, well lack of better words, an *ss.
One “educated” guy named Logan Smith DNP ranted and wrote a lot including this:
“Your blog is riddled with utter disrespect for everyone around you, and air of “I’m better than everyone” and you can do no wrong. Until you learn respect, I can imagine you’ll be stuck right where you are. I would not want to be on your team, and you would not last long on my team. I will pray hard for your facility and team.”
Oh my word dude, you woke Momma Bear.
I am not counting on any prayers from him..and I’m thinking if he would pray, they will not do any good anyway. I can’t believe God would answer a prayer from anyone who talked like that…but what do I know.
After those comments Kalissa decided to delete the post. She was having a bad day and didn’t want to deal with more. She wrote a new post…..
Many people wrote nice comments…but then again, there was that one…
“In your earlier (now deleted) post you stated that you couldn’t seem to put your phone down and was complaining about not having any “me” time. Also I believe you were complaining about being overwhelmed in the weeks prior to this pandemic. My earlier post suggested that you get away from the phone and focus on what’s important–your kids. I also suggested that you need to reevaluate your career choice if you’re finding yourself too stressed and panicked to do your job. And before I get attacked, no I’m not perfect. I have a husband and a daughter who has a weakened immune system. I chose to quit working to be with her which was quite a financial adjustment at first, but we recently paid off our mortgage on less than $20,000 a year income and receive no public assistance at all.
We are all entitled to free speech and if you want to call me names because of my opinions, that’s fine. I think you need to grow up and realize that the world is not perfect and it does not revolve around you.”
OH MY WORD. What is with people???
For the record Joann…it is VERY easy for people who are their house and putting themselves on quarantine to not feel the stress and anxiety that nurses on the front line are feeling. YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR ENVIRONMENT. Nurses cannot control their environment.
Here’s some things that have happened:
Kalissa was with a co-worker who had a cold that ended up later spiking a temp. That co-worker is being tested. Every time Kalissa coughs or sneezes, she wonders, did that co-worker have it? Am I getting it? When is the test result coming back? How many days after I sat with her would be my day to have it? Do I talk to my boss and tell her I might have been exposed? YES…talk to boss: Boss says big deal. We don’t have staffing to allow you to self quarantine even if you should. Kalissa then worries, does she have it? Is she exposing others? Is she part of the problem and not the solution.
That would give me anxiety….that would make me worry. Joann and so many of us in our homes don’t have to worry about that. People who are going to work worry about that every day. Nurses worry about it more than anyone….and Joann, did you hear that if nurses do get it, they often have a more severe case? Think about that Joann.
Kalissa has since put herself on the front line for me and her family. She does the errands. She goes to the grocery store. She is the one exposed there too.
When she does go get her groceries for me, she doesn’t come into the house. She stays outside. I open the door and talk to her from the garage. It’s not the same. Yes we can talk but it’s not the same. We’re close-we’re friends. Kalissa has lost her support system…no me, no Kelli. It must be nice for you Joann to have your daughter right close in your house with you. I’m sure that relieves a lot of stress you might otherwise have.
Kalissa went to get formula for Gannon. Remember Gannon’s tummy issues. They’ve asked him to stay on formula. There is no formula to be had. Joann, do you have that concern?? Do you wonder how you are going to feed your daughter?
Joann, are you working in a environment where policies and procedures are changing daily? No…you admitted you aren’t working. Imagine being a nurse. One day they go in and they can change out protective equipment, the next day they go in and they can’t. One day they go in and protocol for people who might have COVID-19 is this…the next day it changed. The nurses are being jerked one way and the next. No one knows what’s going on. Every nurse working is afraid they are going to get it. They are afraid they are taking it home. They are afraid that might have to chose which of your immunocompromised family members will get the ventilator. Joann, do you want her pick your husband or your daughter….which one are you willing to sacrifice? She doesn’t want to make that decision for you Joann….but it might come to that. Watch the news. Look at Italy. People are doing that. Gee Joann, don’t you think that might be stressful?
Early last week the college Kalissa teaches for hadn’t decided what they were going to do. After a night working overnight at the hospital, Kalissa was bombarded with questions from her students, what was going to happen with them? Would they pass? Did they have to take the class over? The school was calling…everyone wanted something but she had nothing to give them….she had no information. It was a nightmare….and she did that on no sleep because she had worked the overnight the night before. How did you sleep that night Joann?
Joann, do you work a day shift and then the next day a night shift…then the next night a night shift….then miss a day and have to work a day shift the next day? How would you feel if that was your schedule?
As for Kalissa saying she was on her phone, I think an explanation needs to go with that. Kalissa and many people of her generation are in message groups. Many people get news from their phone. She wasn’t “scrolling to see what her friends were doing”. She was looking to see reports from nurses in Italy. She was seeing what other nurses from states with more COVID-19 patients were doing. She is looking ahead, knowing that it’s coming this way. She wanted to be more prepared. I bet it we had a show of hands here, EVERYONE would admit to watching the news more, checking the DOW more, being on Facebook more and reading stories from people on the front line. I know I am. I know I do.
We are a village type family. If someone needs something, we do it. We are very supportive of each other. With this, Kalissa doesn’t have me. She doesn’t have Kelli. She knows spring planting is just around the corner and knows Craig, being a farmer, won’t be around as much. She’s struggling with childcare.
Previous to this all things were easier for Kalissa. Her family regularly ate at our house once or twice a week. I’d know she was having a tough day, I’d make supper…It was nice for her. It was nice for me. Kalissa is not getting that break anymore.
Kalissa used to have someone come and clean house every other week…that’s not happening anymore.
Kalissa used to have childcare provided by me, that’s not happening anymore. So today after working three overnight shifts in a row, Kalissa came to find she had no sitter. Her sitter had cancelled. Craig had to go to work. She wouldn’t let me help. She went the day with the boys with no sleep. She tried to nap with them but then they wouldn’t nap at the same time. Joann…being you are home with your daughter, I bet you don’t stress about quality child care at all, do you? I bet you don’t have to take care of them with no sleep.
Kalissa is not getting any “me” time. We all need “me” time. I wonder how much “me” time you are getting Joann, as you stay at home in your virus controlled environment. I bet LOTS.
I could go on…but why? Either you’ve gotten my point by now Joann, or you will never get it.
As for Joann’s comment, “ I think you need to grow up and realize that the world is not perfect and it does not revolve around you.” …
Well that comment just blows me away. I think Kalissa is plenty grown up….I’m guessing in the midst of all this, she’s well aware that the world is not perfect….and I think she has a clear picture of what it is revolving around. It’s revolving around COVID-19.
So in this situation, I think a girl has a right to have a bad day. I think a girl has a right to admit to anxiety and stress. I think a girl has a right to write a blog post telling about her fears. Mostly, I think a girl and her Momma Bear have the right to tell the Joann’s of the world this…
P.S. I apologize in advance to all the kind Joann’s out there.
…and by the way, this is typical of many of the nurses working the front line.
I realize in writing this, my words are also a judgment on Joann. I don’t know her…I don’t know her situation. I don’t know her values. I don’t know anything about what brought her to her current situation. It’s likely unfair of me. I’m sorry for that. It was a hard call on whether to write this and publish it. I regularly write things and don’t publish them. I choose to publish this because I really think others need to see what nurses are going through…the stress and anxiety is real.