I was recently going through old blog posts. I was writing the Quilts of 2016 post which will be like in a few weeks. It was quite the year for me. I have my thyroid cancer complete with thyroid removal and I had foot surgery. I spent almost two months doing childcare on a scooter. You can see me in the picture below from back then.
It was quite a year…only to rivaled by 2019.
As I was scrolling through I came upon this post.
“I love being with the kids…
They don’t care if my voice is hoarse.
They don’t care that I sing a little off-tune now.
They don’t worry that whatever I have will affect them.
They don’t cry because I am hurt.
They don’t treat me like I am less because of a diagnosis.
They don’t ask me questions I don’t know the answers to….well some but not related to my health.
They just love me unconditionally. I love that. I need that.”
I had written this shortly after my thyroid surgery. I was reminded of this again when I had my foot surgery and yet again after Kramer passed away.
Of all of the support I’ve even gotten through my last 6 years or so, some of the best support I’ve gotten has been from the kids. They truly love me just for me and the things that are wrong with me, don’t make a difference to them.
For them, if there has been a tear in my eye after they asked me, “Do you still miss Roger?” and I answer, “Yes”, they don’t treat me like I have the plague. They don’t shy away from me. They simply accept it as the way it is. Missing someone to them is just a part of life. Shedding a tear is just part of life.
When I am feeding a baby and they see my barefoot up on the recliner and can see my surgery scar, they don’t shy away from it. They run and get the doctor kit so they can “fix” it.
I love the openness. I love the honesty. I love the acceptance. I love that they don’t shy away from me. I love that they just ask rather than skirt around a topic.
The other day one of the childcare kids asked if I would go climb my snow hill with them. I said, “No, I’m too fat. I don’t think they make snow pants to fit me.” She immediately told me I wasn’t fat. I was just perfect.
Awww…that melted my heart.
So many thought I was nuts to go right back to childcare after Kramer passed away. I knew it wasn’t nuts. I knew the kids would actually take care of me just as much as I was taking care of them. I was certain the kids would be part of my healing process, just like they always had been…and they were, and still are.
Most everyone else in my life doesn’t talk about Kramer except for our kids. He’s still a topic many don’t want to broach…not the childcare kids. They will ask me if I miss him. They will tell me they remember him. That all is good for me. It’s good to know someone else thinks about him too.
As long as I am alive I hope there will be kids in my life…and if that’s not possible, I hope there are adults who will treat me just like kids do with an overall sense of acceptance no matter my circumstance.