Hey there folks! Kalissa here!
I’m hacking mom’s blog for the day, we have been talking about having me do some more guest blogging which is pretty awesome, so here’s my first post.
As most of you know, my fiancé and I Craig got engaged last August over Labor Day weekend. This came as no surprise to our family and close friends. Craig and I had been talking about getting married practically since our first date and there is no doubt in my mind that he is the one for me.
It’s a little disappointing that I even have to bring this up because in all reality, our ages don’t matter. We are a young couple, I’m currently 19 and he just turned 21, but because of this I’ve been facing quite a bit of scrutiny from some of my “friends.”
When we first announced that we had got engaged, everyone seemed really sincerely happy for us which was great. We started planning things right away even though the date we set isn’t until next September…and then things started to get awkward. So I’ve compiled a list of “Things That Happened to Me After Getting Engaged at 19.”
People blatantly ignored me.
In social situations, if the topic of our engagement was brought up there were a couple people who literally rolled their eyes and walked away. That was really hurtful because I thought we were friends.
People wanted to be my best friend.
This one just baffles me. People come out of the woodwork. They’ll come running up to me to hug me and congratulate me. Which is fine and I’m glad they share in our excitement. Someone even said to me, “I’m so excited to come to your wedding. I don’t even care if I’m invited or not I’m coming!”
People have asked to be in our wedding party
I’ve been asked this several times. No matter what we are talking about they always seem to twist the conversation back to my wedding, talking about who is in the bridal party, am I looking for a bridesmaid…one friend even said to me, “I was really surprised you picked her to be your bridesmaid. I thought we were much closer.” And then follows up with the equally rude statement of, “Well if she screws up let me know and I’d be happy to step in.”
It’s painful to even just scroll through my Facebook newsfeed
Here are some posts I’ve seen.
“If one more person gets engaged I’m gonna lose it.”
“Can people just stop getting engaged for like a minute? That’d be great.”
Now if I stalk any of these people’s Pinterest boards, they are literally all about wedding dresses, engagement rings, centerpieces, wedding diets, wedding hairstyles, wedding photography…
What actually sparked this blog post is a friend of mine who shared a link on Facebook entitled, “45 thoughts you have when yet another girl gets engaged on Facebook.” Some of these “thoughts” include:
-“They’re only 25.” Well I’m only 19.
-“How long have they been dating?” I am so sick of this question. We’ve been dating about a year and a half now. It didn’t take us that long to realize that we want to spend the rest of our lives together.
-“They’ll be divorced before their kid even turns five.”
-“I can’t wait to be able to jet set anywhere I want while you’re scurrying to find a babysitter.”
My family was super awesome.
Seriously, my family has always been so supportive of us getting married which has been really been a blessing. I think people have this preconceived notion that because we are getting married at a young age, we are getting married without our parents support. This is so not true. I’ve had many people ask me and my parents about us getting married. They say things like, “Well how do your parents feel about it?” as if they are expecting this big huge long and drawn out Montagues vs. the Capulets Romeo and Juliet saga. I usually like to respond with, “They are so happy for us because they actually know us and know this is the right decision for us.”
People think I’m pregnant.
Nope. No Teen Mom drama for this 19 year old.
Girls who have the same wedding date as us get super defensive.
This one is just stupid. It’s a day. Chances are neither of us are going to be invited to the other one’s wedding anyway.
It’s hard to find “couple friends.”
Craig and I have had this conversation several times. The people we hang out the most with are my parents. It’s hard to find other couples our age who are at the same life stages as we are. Some people my age are still living the crazy college party life.
People assume our engagement will last a few years.
People ask when we are getting married which is fine but I often get the reaction of, “Wait..2015?” Uhm…yeah? I think some people think it’s a promise ring or something and I personally wouldn’t choose to be engaged for more than a year. What are we waiting for? As Rascal Flatts would say, “Why wait another minute for something that we should have done yesterday?”
People are genuinely happy for us.
I love these kind of people. They’ll ask about wedding planning, if they can help with anything, keep in touch, send you a snap chat of the “Save the Date” on their fridge, send you pictures of the dress they bought for the wedding etc. Thank you. Thank you very much. Not everyone is so nice and I don’t think you realize how much we appreciate your support.
Mom says there are people out there who were much younger than we are when they got married and many of them are happily married. I look especially and see that with my aunt and uncle Jule and Wendy.
Mom assures me that at whatever life stage a person is in these types of things happen. She says that she herself gets comments all the time about grandchildren and why she doesn’t have any yet….after all three of my siblings are married and of child bearing ages. She keeps saying that although she’d love to have some, that she didn’t have children for the purpose of having grandchildren. Mom says it’s just part of life…She’s probably right.
Don’t let people make you too crazy. I got married a month after my 19th birthday. Bill bought me the ring when I was seventeen and we quietly considered ourselves engaged even before that. Our 24th anniversary is coming up.
Dont let anyone steal your joy. You know your heart so that’s all that matters. My husband and I were 18 and 19 when we got married and we are celebrating our 31st anniversary next month. My “friends” were taking bets to see how long it would last and if I was pregnant. No pregnancy issues and I don’t know who won the bet at how long we’d last because I haven’t seen any of those people in over 20+ years so none of that mattered in the long run. Follow your own path and heart.
You don’t know me but love the blog. Don’t let people get to you. I was married at 18- husband was19, been married 36 years now. And we only knew each other 9 months before was married. And no we didn’t have to get married. You’ll be just fine.
Congratulations to both of you.
I was married at 19 and my husband was 23. We will celebrate 50 years this spring.
Don’t believe what people say. You know your own mine!
Kalissa & Craig – congratulations on your upcoming wedding. My husband & I were married 2 months before my 19th birthday, circumstances were somewhat different, but we have just celebrated our 34th anniversary. Many of the comments you are hearing are out of jealously, you are lucky to have found someone you want to share the rest of your life with. Stay strong and as with all friends that you have seen over the years, these will change as your life changes you will connect with other people to spend time with that have mutual interests(work, hobbies, children). In your heart you know your forever friends and those are the ones you have chosen to be an active part in your wedding celebration, don’t feel pressure from others to change those choices. God gives us these opportunities as he feels we are ready to handle them. No marriage is without hurdles, but you have a supportive family. Best wishes to you as you begin the next chapter of your life.
Oh, my! Some of your points I so remember from almost 50 years ago when I married at 18. I am pleased to see you have the support of your parents which we did, also. You sound as if you both have thought it all through and have as good an idea about how ready you are that anyone can have while looking forward. I found in looking back that I had no idea what I was getting into. You are head and shoulders ahead of me!
I’m genuinely happy for you. Focus on your happy times and leave the negative stuff behind.
There are many rude and unthoughtful people in this world! When and at what age you get married is not their concern. My brother was 21 and his girlfriend was 17 when they eloped. They were happily married for 56 years, had 5 children, and a bunch of grandkids before my brother passed away. You and Craig, too, can grow old together!
Great post, Kalissa, and fabulous photo of the two of you ! Somehow people think recently that everyone wants to hear their opinion on everything – heck, it’s your decision, and your life, and they should just say congratulations and best wishes…
So – Congratulations and Best Wishes !!!!
I find it sad that you are having so much negativity thrown your way. But, here’s a positive for you regarding how young you are. I was just months past 19 and my husband was 18 when we got married. We weren’t pregnant (in fact we waited 10 years before our first was born), we wanted to get married. We will be celebrating our 38th anniversary in a few months. We are not the same young kids we were at the time but we’ve grown together and are each other’s best friends.
I was 19 and my husband had just turned 21 exactly one week before we got married 43 years ago. What makes the difference in my humble opinion is commitment (and faith). I don’t care how old you are, if you are not totally committed to each other, it won’t work. You have to love the other person more than you love yourself (unheard of in this day of selfies). You will be fine. Have a wonderful wedding and don’t let anyone steal your joy. Blessings to both of you!
Kalissa,
Age is just a number! If you’re anything like your siblings you probably have the mind of a 25+ year old and I am not at all surprised you are getting married. With you being the youngest in your family I don’t know you very well and I have no idea who you’re marrying but always do what makes you happy :)
I’m happy for both of you!
The people that make the rude comments are just jealous. Don’t let them get to you. Oh, and congratulations! :)
I love you! And I love the comments on this post. :)
Just ignore them, Kalissa. You two know in your hearts you are meant for each other. I don’t think it matters what your age is. Who says that being older would mean it would be better. It was only yesterday I found out that someone I knew got married when she was 15 and they then moved to Australia from Italy to live. They were very happy and were married about 50 years when unfortunately her husband died. I wish you a wonderful life together.
It always astounds me that some people would expect to be invited to a wedding or to be an attendant. Goodness, where are their manners? Whenever I have received an invitation to a wedding I feel an element of surprise at being invited and then I feel honoured to share in the celebrations. Congratulations to you, Kalissa and Craig…you seem well suited and well grounded. With the support of your family, and the love and respect you have for each other, your marriage will prosper.
Kalissa, I was 18, 9 days before my 19th birthday, and my husband was 25. We have now been married for 53 years. Our sons are 47 and 49 years old. It has been a great journey and one I am sure you will travel as well. Good luck to you.
Marge
Focus on your happy future with Craig and enjoy being engaged. I always says people reveal themselves eventually and it sounds like you have had some revelations recently. Your mom is right, there will be those type of comments at every stage of your life. Just surround yourself with positive people and the negative ones usually fall away.
Kalissa, You have such a great level head on your shoulders. Your parents did a wonderful job of raising you to be thoughtful, caring, compassionate and miles ahead of the other people your age in reguards to knowing what you want out of life. Please don’t listen to the negative and search for those people no matter what their age that you and Craig have in common values with.
I am so happy for the both of you.
Well, I am glad that you and your fiancée are a united front – that means you are already working together and that bodes well for your future. I, also met my husband at the age of 19, married at 21 and celebrated our 28th Anniversary last November – even I heard some of the same things that you heard when we announced our marriage. Well – pooh-ey on them. You and your family know what’s in your heart and that is all that matters. Congratulations and I wish you many happy years together.
Congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding. I was 19 when I got married and my husband didn’t turn 21 until a month later. That was 43 years ago! So, see it doesn’t matter the age of either of you, you just have to have a love for each other that will never ends. Best wishes to you both.
My husband and I were 20 and 18 when we got married. Celebrated our 28th anniversary yesterday. It’s not easy but it’s worth it.
I wish you and Craig every happiness. The important thing is what you mean to each other, not the length of your engagement, and how many bridesmaids, and all the hoo-ha of modern weddings. I think a lot of girls just want a wedding, not a marriage. They want to be a Princess and have all the attention. You’re not like that, and it’s so refreshing. May you grow old together in the company of friends.
Ppl do get overly involved, don’t they?
I had yrs of unhelpful unasked for comments. ppl were openly nervous because I waited longer than most girls in my group / class did. I was 28 and hub was 30 when we married. My school friends had 1,2, some had 3 children by the time I “finally” married. hah! Sometimes, I wish we had met earlier and had an earlier start, but we didn’t, so that wasn’t in the cards for us. It worked out tho, we’ve got a happy life together.
At 28, I hadn’t had much in common with my high school friends for many yrs. I’d met new ppl working for over 10 yrs. at a good job. I found it’s a big world, there are a lot of nice ppl out there, and new friends come along.
So sorry, you are hearing from so many ppl talking when they should just BUTT OUT!!
I’m sure you know what’s best for you and Craig. Sending my best wishes!
Kalissa, I’m so sorry to hear that people are tarnishing your wedding plans, but do keep in mind that they are judging from their own perspective. They may not have felt ready to make a commitment at 19. Your parents (both sides) who know you best, support you, and that is all you need. I don’t know you, but from reading the blog, I know you have a wonderful role model in your mother and you wouldn’t have made this decision with parental guidance. Best luck to you both and I can’t wait to see more wedding plans.
It was 2 days before my 19th birthday and my guy was 27 when we married 32 years ago. No one wanted us to marry but we are still going strong. Everyone else around me has divorced. Invite who you want because you want them there to share your happy day not because they think they should be there. Remember it is your day not theirs. It’s your choice of what happens. You know who your true friends are and stick with that thought.
We were dating, engaged and married at about the same age. The military would not allow my husband to live off base unless married. Different time. We are celebrating 43 years of marriage in a month. You have great role models. Growing up together with shared goals and lots of talking and compromise is what you need to make a successful marriage.
Dear Kalissa,
What a fabulous adventure for you and Craig. AlI the things you can do, places you can go and people you can meet – together. How lucky are you two! Each having someone to share with. Ignore the mean-spirited Humbugs and make your own way with your man. I married at just turned 20. When I had been going out with him for 3 weeks we became engaged and 3 weeks later we married, so in comparison you are taking your time! Thirty six years later we are still happily married with 2 grown-up children of 30 and 33 and we still share everything.
Good Luck to you all Best Wishes for your future.
Regards from chilly England
Age has little to do with it. I got married when I was 22, fairly young compared to my friends. Three of my best friends from high school got married when they were 30 or older and all three eventually divorced while my husband and I have been married for 31 years. If you are completely confident in your decision then what everyone else thinks is not your problem. Congratulations and have a great wedding.
ps. my daughter is also getting married the same weekend as you( I think) on Sept 4th.
Age really has nothing to do with it. I knew my husband of 54 years only 2 months when we married I was 18 yrs old had my first child at 19. I would do it all over again if I could. Gods blessings on you both, have a happy beautiful wedding.
My mum was 19, and my dad 26 when they got married after only knowing each other 16 months. In March they will celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary. People told Mum she was too young as well. I wonder if the people who say these thing are jealous that you have found your other half and will be able to spend most of your lives together, when they they haven’t yet. You and Craig are happy, and that’s all that really matters.
Every couple has a different story, different timing, and just because yours doesn’t fit into someone’s “normal” doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
I was 15 when we met, at the end of my sophomore year of high school. He was 21, just finishing his senior year of college. We started dating the beginning of my senior year of high school, with lots of people who weren’t us worried about the age difference. Got engaged my freshman year of college. Married two weeks after my college graduation. That was 28 years and four children ago.
I think the secret to staying married is ……(drum roll) to decide that you are going to stay married. No, really — just decide that, whatever your situation (except for abuse), working things out and loving each other are more important than anything else. If each of you are putting in 60% of the effort, you’ll be just fine.
I was 18 my husband 20 when we married. Next year we will celebrate our 50th anniversary! One of my husband’s aunts told everyone that I was pregnant ~ I was not! We waited 4 years to have our first child, giving us time to be together and to save enough money to buy our first house. Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks ~ just ignore all the childish comments and don’t let them get to you!
WOW ! Lot’s of good advice here. I hope you print these out and tack them up to your bedroom wall. OR better yet make some copies to hand to your “friends”. Your Mom has given you some great advice. She’s so smart. Our marriage was given 2 years. We met in December and married in May. 41 years ago. You see we work things out…Talk things out..Decided to stay together. You and Craig will do the same.
Hi Kalissa, my own situation is exactly the opposite of yours. I didn’t marry till I was in my 30’s and my husband is a lot older than me. I just wish we’d met when I was 19 so that we could have more time together. As it is we celebrated 25 years of marriage last year which certainly showed those who said it wouldn’t last. Age is just a number after all and those who think it matters should really mind their own business. Best wishes to you both, you make a lovely couple and I hope you have many happy years together.
Hilarious! First, congratulations! There are always nitpickers out there, if it wasn’t you are too young then it would be too old (trust me, I was 44 years old when I married for the first and only time) My husband and I are not weird or odd or anything, we just didn’t meet the right one until later!!!!! Still there were lots of snarky comments. Thankfully at our age we had enough experience under our belts to let most of it roll off our backs. Good luck!
Congrats to you on your engagement and upcoming wedding!!! If you two both know its the right thing to do..then forget what others are saying…they are the ones with issues not you!! Happy planning!!
I am in the same boat as your mom…tired of the grandchildren question… my answer …is they will come when my kids are good and ready to be parents… I don’t want them sooner than that!!
Hope your mom is settling in in the new house…love this blog!!!
Everyone should find love and joy whatever their age. So happy you and your love are experiencing it now. Congrats!!
Kalissa,
Lots of people have lots of advice and stories…all different with the exception being they (the couple) LOVE each other and want to be together and work to stay together. (I guess that is three things!) You will make it, if you want to make it. My husband and I have been married almost 23 years and most people gave us about 2 years.
Congratulations and Best Wishes!
Kalissa, congratulations!
I’m sorry to hear how immature and self centered some people are. Please don’t take what they say to heart. Just be like a duck and let it roll right off your back.
If whatever they say doesn’t make sense to you, it’s not about you, it’s about them! So just keep smiling and enjoy this precious time. Those people who speculate about a baby on the way; just imagine how long they have to wait to know they’re wrong! This is your time! Live in this wonderful present and savor each day. Best wishes!
First off congrats on getting married. And, if you want to get married, do it. I have known lots of “high school” sweethearts who have had long and happy marriages. Go with your heart.
Married at 18 hubby 21′ pregnant celebrating 50th in June. Word of advise. Get off Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You are inviting these nasty folks into your life. Anyone named Craig is great. My youngest’s name
Hi Kalissa,
Congratulations! Like some other commentors, I got married to my hubs when I had been 19 for a month. We didn’t get too much criticism, but everyone kept asking me “are you sure you don’t want to wait awhile?” lol! We are getting ready to celebrate our 12th anniv. in another month or so and couldn’t be happier.
Sometimes people comment from their own expectations & experiences, and not everyone wants the same thing. Just brush it off and do what you know in your heart is the right thing.
Wishing you all the best!
I’ll jump on the bandwagon with similar story. My daughter was 18 & son-in-law 20 when they married 11 yrs ago. They are best friends. Also my mother-in-law was just 18, father-in-law 19 when married. They just celebrated their 62nd anniversary. Many years of happiness to you both!
Congrats and forget about those debbie downers. You have to do what’s right in your heart and I think you’ve got it figured out. My parents were 18 & 21 and they are celebrating 55 years in May. My sister and her hubby were 17 & 18 and they are celebrating 35 years in March. Age has nothing to do with it though. It’s all about love and commitment. Enjoy the planning and the wedding!
I am so happy for you—-This is such a special time in your life—yes–all the way through life people will have comments on what you do or don’t do…..Your real friends will support you and be there through it all…God bless….You are such a cute couple…
Wishing you and Craig a beautiful wedding and a lifetime of happiness… and let’s throw in a houseful of kids because I have a feeling you will both make wonderful parents!! All the best!
P
Hi there, Kalissa; You and Craig are the ones getting married to each other, not your friends. What is your normal is not another’s. I personally do not call a person a friend who makes critical, rude comments to me publicly or personally. Sometimes, it is good that your friends will change and evolve as you go through life. I think you have the most wonderful, caring parents, and family I have seen in a long while. I look at your picture of you and Craig and I see a couple who love each other deeply. Keep on doing that. It will help you get through a lot of adjustments in your life. Some people are smarter than others. Your Mom is pretty smart! Congratulations to the both of you! I will be looking for pictures of you and Craig on that day!
Take care.
Emily .
its your life live it how it best suits you, now you know how movie stars and famous people feel when the public and people who do not eve know them make judgements on their life and actions, why would you please other people an impossible thin anyway
Congratulations! I was 18 & my husband had just turned 19 on our wedding day. This March we will be celebrating our 53rd anniversary. And, believe me “they” said it wouldn’t last!! Boy, were they wrong! Best wishes!
Listen to your Mother, Kalissa, and plan your own life. No one can live it but you. Hard work and commitment is the key to success in marriage AND, good communication between you and your husband. Happy life to both of you! Love your name, BTW!
Don’t let anyone steal your joy. I was engaged when I was 18 and married when I was 19. My husband was 20. We just celebrated our 49th anniversary in December. I wish you the best.
Hi Kalissa, I married a week before my 19th birthday. My husband was two months shy of 20. Lots of people in his hometown had bets on how long our marriage would last. Well, last April we celebrated 50 years. From reading your mother’s blog (she is my favorite blogger) I know she brought you and your siblings up to live and work with what you have and not pay attention to what others are saying. I’m sure you and you man will be very happy if you work through the rough spots. Everyone has a few rough spots.
Maybe you just need a break from Facebook if reading your newsfeed is painful.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
Congratulations to you and Craig! With a loving family like yours around, I’m sure you will be just fine!
What a great post! Congratulations on your engagement. I love that you have a mature and long term approach to marriage; those that aren’t supportive are those that would probably love to be you! You clearly have great role models in your parents and extended family. You guys will be great!
I was 18 when I got married, my hubby was 24. We are celebrating 42 years together today. I think the key is in how you are raised – and from following this blog I would say you have a very good value system and family foundation. Have a wonderful life!
Congratulations Kalissa and Craig – I was 18 and hubby just turned 22 when we got married. Valentine’s day will be 46 years for us. We started dating in October, he gave me his high school ring Thanksgiving, engagement ring Christmas and we married Valentine’s day. I know all the negative flap that “friends” can let loose. Just hang in there with Craig and laugh about all this later, talk a lot and enjoy your time, it will fly by before you know it..
There is an old song out there that ends with “You have to please yourself” and I think that’s about it in life. We want friends and others to march in our celebration of life parade but that doesn’t always happen. Find the people who are loving and supportive and stay with them, the others don’t really matter. And please, give up Facebook !