Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. So many of you will be looking for boxes of candy, jewelry, flowers, or something really romantic. I recently saw a post on Facebook and I thought it very appropriate to talk about here on the blog.
This was all inspired by a gal from Facebook and her tag is Love Always, Heather. You can find her HERE.
She wrote this:
“He always pushes the grocery cart.
For that’s where the always kinda’ love is ♡”
I was loved like this… and like Heather, it took me… a while to appreciate it. I am so thankful that I did appreciate it while Kramer was still with me. Kramer my husband of 32 died of lung cancer in 2019.
When it came to romance…Kramer was not material for a romance novel at all. He wore farm boots into my kitchen. He burped out loud. He often had his butt crack hanging out. He was married to his job way too much…but he loved me.
He didn’t love me the way most girls want love.
He loved me the way I needed to be loved but it took a while for me to realize it. Love to him meant:
-providing for the family
-selling his snowmobile when we needed the money
-doing the dishes on the holidays when the kids were all home and I was tired of being in the kitchen
-when I said he had to do something or be there, he always was
-never complained when I bought crafting supplies
-always encouraging when I wanted to make a big purchase for me like a long arm quilting machine
-was right beside me backing up my parenting presenting a united front to our kids through their teen years
-He’d rebuild anything I asked him to as long as I was patient and didn’t ask during planting or harvest
-When I’d feel guilty for making a lame meal like pancakes and eggs, he’d compliment me on it
-He ate my not so perfect food without complaint
-He never complained about my housekeeping or prioritizing crafting over house cleaning
-acted interested in things I liked
-waited in the car without complaint or hurry if I ducked into a quilt shop staying in the car and claiming he’d happily nap
-was a good compromiser
-took care of all of the “guy” things without complaint
-He treated me as an equal in everything
-brought me ditch flowers a few times each summer
A more traditional thing he did once was this…I wrote about it in a blog post:
“Hubby is so good to me. On the outside, he seems like a gruff guy but honestly, he’s not at all. Just to prove what I said is true, last week he had an errand to Fredericksburg. He asked if I wanted to ride along but honestly, my to-do list is full so I have to get a few things off that list. I sadly told him no-and I told him I guess that means that I’ll miss a chance to get a truffle. See, they have truffles at the Farmhouse Bed and Breakfast, and Hubby and I stop and get one most every time we go through town. He informed me that this was a farm trip and he likely wasn’t going to stop anyway.
He left-I got busy and forgot about the whole conversation until the next morning when I woke to see….a truffle on my computer keyboard…(yes I know it desperately needs to get cleaned)
one of my charging cell phone….
one on a project I was working on….
One on my ratty ironing board…
one my sewing machine….
One in my cereal bowl….
and one in the silverware drawer.
I’ve tried to get him to tell me if there are more. Seven seems like an odd number to buy. Then again…maybe he bought eight and ate one himself. He keeps telling me that I can keep looking though.”
You know, because Kramer didn’t buy chocolates often, it stands out even more. If he had always bought me chocolates, this wouldn’t have been as special. He did this one other time. I was traveling to a childcare conference and before I left, he hid truffles in my luggage. There was one in my makeup bag, one in my purse, one in my suitcase, one in my carry-on. I will always remember this.
Doing it less often made it all the more special.
Although I loved the chocolates. It’s still the day to day things that made me know I was truly loved. Everyone can buy chocolates…Everyone won’t do the holiday dishes for 12. Everyone won’t nap in the car without complaint while I shop at a quilt shop.
So if you’re a gal out there wishing for the romantic stuff, step back. Look at the day to day stuff that I’m betting you’ll see that you are loved, as I was, in many of the simple things your partner is doing for you. That love is true love. It’s not what you’ll find in movies or books. It’s the real love that long term happy relationships are built on.
I have this conversation with my girls all the time. Me being older and have experienced love that isn’t from storybooks, can see that they are each loved by their spouses…just not in the big romantic ways.
I’m guessing each of you reading this are looking back and seeing ways your partner is quietly loving you. While you’re stepping back to see if you can identify that kind of love in your life, please take time to see what kind of love you are offering in return. Only you can give your partner the same kind of love you are seeking.
Kramer and I were never big on Valentine’s Day. We didn’t like the commercialism of the day. We didn’t want to be told it was the day to act lovingly. Every day in a healthy relationship should include loving acts of kindness, support, and love.
I am so blessed to have experienced the true kind of everyday love. I will forever be thankful that I was loved that way. I am so grateful our love wasn’t’ based on things that are bought in a store. Kramer’s love truly is the greatest blessing in my life.
I’m so glad Heather shared that post and it came up in my Facebook newsfeed. It was the perfect reminder for me to be thankful for the love I had rather than mourn what I am missing.