Growing a Thicker Skin

You’ve all seen and heard about how some people can get a little nasty on social media….It’s been a trying few days here.

Kelli and were asked to “take over” All People Quilts Instagram page for the weekend….it was fun.  We posted a few pictures and tried to make things interactive.

I showed off what I was working on…..


I added this picture….
I asked if anyone was saving a old magazine and wanted to make one of the quilts in it.  This is the magazine I’ve been saving and the quilt I want to make.
Then I posted the picture below and asked it people machine bound or hand bound their quilts.
Someone answered this:

  • Please tell me with all the thread colors out there why someone would want white on this dark quilt?#neveronmyquilt

I might myself be curios as why there was white thread…but I would assume the person knew what they were doing and I certainly would have enough manners not to say anything like that.  Oh my.

So here’s the quilt…..tell me please, wasn’t white appropriate??  I debated for a bit but really seeing the quilt and how the white looked, I personally love it!
Too many people take a snippet and think that’s all there is.  If looking at the picture of me binding the quilt, that tiny snippet does make it seem like a “dark” quilt….  I wish people would realize the pictures and only SNIPPETS of a big picture.

For example we took about 10 pictures to get that picture of Carver on the quilt.  The dogs were running around.  We’d snap a picture and there would be a dog butt in the way.  Carver wouldn’t look at the camera.  Two people were behind me trying to get his attention.  Kalissa was making Sunday Breakfast Brunch…we were all wondering if we should eat without Hubby as he wasn’t coming.  Kalissa was checking the baking powder biscuits in the oven.  This was a tiny SNIPPET of our Sunday morning.


I’m growing a thicker skin but sometimes this stuff does sour me.  I want to be Thumper from the Disney Bambi movie and scream “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

This certainly doesn’t apply to the people who told me I had blocks on my quilt twisted…yes, I did repair them all.  I double and triple checked….those comments I LOVE!!  They SAVED me in the end.

Another issue has come up in the past month.  About Christmas time I got an email from a reader’s husband.  It read…This is a courtesy notice; do with it what you will.

It’s taken me some time to track down the site that kept contaminating my wife’s Android tablet with malware. This will be the 4th time I’ve had to wipe the browser clean, deleting all history, links, bookmarks, etc.  She will not be following your blog or site in the future. 

FWIW, the malware doesn’t show up when I visit the site with a desktop browser, but they are heavily protected on my machines.

But, I was able to verify in Google’s tracking that each episode occurred IMMEDIATELY after she visited your website / blog. I’m not going to do any further testing; I don’t have time, and besides I learned years ago that most site operators respond with irritation to such notifications.

I will caution you; if Google’s Safe Site scanners find the malware before you remove it, you are likely to have abysmal Google search placement for MONTHS afterwards.”

I talked with Kayla and she said she would check with WordPress and Blogher which she did.  She decided it might be best to update the blog.  That’s when the new layout came to be.  We updated the ads and thought we had everything in place.

I didn’t respond to the guy.  Now a few weeks later I get an even nastier note from him.
My wife snuck behind my back, and visited your site again. As a result, I had to spend a couple of hours cleaning her tablet, and then restoring her bookmarks, etc.

I’ve told her that if she visits your site again, I won’t clean her tablet for a couple of weeks.

Meanwhile, since  you did nothing with the warning I sent a several weeks ago, I have begun reporting your website to various scanners for malware infected websites. If they detect the script that attacked her tablet, your site will be blocked by many browsers, and will be downgraded in Google search results.

Well I know little to nothing about this so I contacted my computer guy.  I thought we had doen what we could.  I took his problem seriously.  My guy does Internet/Computer work for a large company in Cedar Rapids and deals with this kind of stuff all the time.  I totally trust him and he’s never did anything I don’t think is right.

He assured me that it’s not on my end.  He said, “That “malware” is a canned message that hijacks a browser. I most commonly see the issues he is expressing when the device isn’t properly wiped. It uses a rootkit type of infection to keep coming back and can be hard to remove.”

With that, I’m done with addressing his concerns.

There is so much that happens behind the scenes for bloggers.  Dealing with this stuff is no fun.  But beyond the emails from this guy I am more worried for the wife.  This guy sounds like a jerk who isn’t treating her kindly.  I actually am honestly worried for her.  Ben’s wife, if you are reading this and need help, please contact me.  I will do what I can to help you.  I am serious about this.

To fix all this “stuff” that really isn’t my problem has cost $200.  It’s okay…it was likely time to do a little overhaul on the blog.  It needs a little sprucing up from time to time.  The accusatory emails that are mean spirited, I can live without.  Blaming me for their problems, I can live without.  I wish people would realize a lot more can be done with a polite, “Hey I think there’s something you might want to know…” type emails.  Those, I welcome…threats, not so much.

Don’t worry…I’m here and staying here.  I know that 99% of you reading the blog would never say or do anything mean spirited.  I feel bad that there are such unhappy people out there that try to drag the rest of us down.  I’m not letting a couple people with bad manners get to me.  I’m just adding another layer to my thickening skin.

63 thoughts on “Growing a Thicker Skin

  1. jennifer

    zoiks! i’ll be you’ll get tons of comments on this post. as for the light thread on dark fabrics: my quilter always says (and she’s right!) that light thread shows up LESS on dark fabric, than dark thread on light fabric shows up MORE. BUT: it’s your quilt. I think it’s fine, and I bet it blends in just fine when you’re not 4½” away. sometimes I have “trouble” with your blog, too. if I leave the window open, and then come back after looking at other stuff, it (used to) often freeze my computer. I don’t know if it was ads, a slow computer, or what. BUT: no biggie. I never even really thought it was your fault. I just would (and still do!) read your blog, and then close the window, or click over to something else. we have a “new” computer now, tho. so I think it’s all good….
    don’t take it all too seriously- there’s always a wet blanket in every bunch. but to hashtag “not on my quilt” (or whatever” was pretty rude!
    keep up the great job- I visit every day!

    Reply
  2. Marilyn

    So sorry you had to go through all that. I hope his wife is really ok. You are so kind and your wonderful family.

    Reply
  3. Carla Vaca

    I’m so sorry you had a bad experience with a few readers. I have recently found your blog, and am new at quilting. I say I have made some quilts I am far from a quilter. What you do are works of art. I just don’t know how you have the time to do all the things, do you have 36 hours in your day?

    Reply
  4. Lisa

    I’m sorry you have to deal with this. It’s amazing to me that people feel entitled to be so nasty when they are hidden behind the anonymity of social media.

    Reply
  5. pat

    I just wish if people can’t say anything nice, they wouldn’t say anything. I love reading blogs and I feel so bad when people are mean to bloggers, or anyone else for that matter. We need more kindness in the world.
    Thank you for sharing your time and ideas . As for that husband. I feel bad for the wife. I hope she is okay.

    Reply
  6. Jill Klop

    Wow! We live in a society that is so quick to say nasty things to people rather than take the time to consider things from another point of view. I also thought Ben’s comments about not allowing his wife to go to your site rather alarming. My marriage doesn’t work that way, so it’s hard for me to understand someone who would restrict their spouse in that way. I saw another blogger disclose how much money she made from her blog vs what it cost her to run the blog. I know nothing about setting up and running a blog, so I was surprised to see the costs involved. I’m so glad you aren’t going anywhere, despite people who make less than kind comments. I try and live by the adage “treat others as you would you would like to be treated.” I wish others would too. Sorry you’ve had to go through all of that.

    Reply
  7. Ana Sweet

    99.9% love your blog. I also wondered about that thread color but I never comment on something like that unless asked. Too personal a decision.

    I love your blog enough to put up with the endless advertisements that even know are showing on the top and bottom of this page. They give me less reading room and I am on a laptop. But it is your blog and you dont have to change anything for me.

    Thank you for your patterns, your enthusiasm, your family life that is shared with us, and positive attitude.

    Reply
  8. Paula Nordt

    I was having trouble with ads popping up, but not just on your blog. There were several that were doing this. I’d update my files, wipe the history, etc. I t would be ok for a bit, then happen again. Did some research and bought an inexpensive adblocker ap. It’s all good now.

    Reply
  9. PB from MN

    The quilts you make are yours; you are the one who gets to make the choices on the fabric, layout, quilting and thread choice. I sometimes go on quilt shop hops and one of things I enjoy, is the different interpretations of a pattern.

    Thank you for reaching out to the woman in the post, that is very kind of you to do. All too often verbal abuse is ignored.

    Reply
  10. Robby H.

    Actually, I had a similar problem to what this gentleman described when I used your website on my tablet late last year. I did some maintenance and figured there was some sort of ad it wasn’t prepared to block. A little later that month, I realized that I was getting the ads from an online quilt store. It’s a big one which is probably what made them a target, and I’ve quit visiting them. I wonder if this might not actually be where she’s getting the problem. The tricky part about those things is the problem doesn’t always come from where it appears. No problems after I made that change in my viewing. Just thought I’d throw out that bit of information in case it is useful.

    Meanwhile, people, they are the best/worst thing about life some days.

    Reply
  11. Erin

    Like others have said, I can’t understand why people have to be so nasty and petty. It’s easy to say, be like a duck and let the nasty comments slide off you back… harder to do. For the record I love you blog and your site and it’s one of the few I remember to follow.

    Reply
  12. jean

    JO-So sorry you had these mean people to deal with. I can’t believe how awful some people are on social media. Glad you aren’t letting them get to you…..yes, please keep blogging!!! I, for one, would miss your blog so much if it wasn’t here anymore.

    Reply
  13. Sue

    I enjoy your website so please don’t change anything. Don’t let all the negative people get to you. You have a lot of followers who enjoy your blog.

    Reply
  14. Penny

    It’s difficult for me to read how people are so rude on the internet especially that I know they would not have the courage to be so outright (rude) in person. They hide behind the screen & just forget the Golden Rule & their manners or possibly don’t even think about it or proof read before hitting that send button!
    I love the white quilting on the Halloween Quilt & think it shows off the design, fabrics & colors of the quilt perfectly! Great choice, Jo!!

    Reply
  15. Deb P in MN

    Jo,
    Again, Don’t say anything that you would not say to someone’s face on any media. Then there are the people that would. So if it is not positive or uplifting, close your mouth and keep it to yourself.

    Love your blog and will always follow!

    Reply
  16. Kathryn

    Jo, You are such an inspiration to so many of us with your quilting, day care, and the snippets of everyday life we all have. You are like a friend to so many of us. Your website is one of my favorites!! Thank you for being you!!

    Reply
  17. Anne

    Some people are just born idiots. Your quilt is yours and its no
    one’s business what color thread you use. As for the jerk the she best thing you could do for his wife is give her the name of a divorce lawyer although hopefully she already has one.

    Reply
  18. Terri in BC

    You are so kind to send out a message to that lady. I hope you send him an email telling him what your computer guy has to say, AND let him know that is the last you will be communicating with him. I love everything you do, and respect your choice to do what you want.

    Reply
  19. Janet Melanson

    So…I’ve been actively accessing your site/blog for months and never had ANY problem., Not sure what problem there could be ???? ….I enjoy all your posts although I seldom comment, but thought I needed to today…..respect, kindness and thoughtfulness are always the appropriate response to any online difficulty , in my opinion,. S..

    Reply
  20. Christine

    I want to thank you for continuing this blog. It is the highlight of my day. I love seeing what your are doing and love the family, kids, quilts and especially your thrifting finds. I wish I could find what you do. Unfortunately, there are those out there that cannot respond kindly to anyone and will not look at themselves for the problem.
    I use an ipad and a desktop and have never had problems with either one on your site. Like you, I worry about his wife. He sounds terribly abusive and defintely unkind to her. To him I say, you need to find a good computer expert who can handle the necessary cleaning of the computer and look at all sites not just this one, as someone stated previously, who knows what is hiding.

    thanks Jo for all you do and all you share. I love it.

    Reply
  21. Janice Holton

    Jo, how unfortunate, that you had two unpleasant interactions all in the same week. I personally love your orange/black/white quilt too and am getting ready to do a quilt with white on black quilting , so there! In the meantime, I do want to let you know what I see when I visit your site. If it’s normal, then great, if not, then maybe your IT guy can look into it. It hasn’t stopped me from visiting. I love reading your blog. When I look at the text of your blog there are random words all over the site that are highlighted as a link. If I just hover over that word without clicking on it, an ad pops up about all kinds of different things. They don’t appear to be any kind of advertising that have anything to do with quilting. I don’t know who your advertisers are, but just thought you would want to know about this if it isn’t supposed to be happening. I can send you a screen shot if you want to see what I am seeing.

    Reply
  22. Judy Adams

    Jo, I’m new to your blog. And I love reading your stories! And it is so evident that you are a warm and super lady! I can’t believe you do child care and are able to zip out all of these beautiful quilts! You a a human machine! You are one remarkable woman! Anytime you you want to let off steam, 99.9% us will be there to support you. I bet you feel better all ready! Have a nice evening.

    Reply
  23. Sally Christiansen

    I am a fairly new follower and am so happy to have found your blog. I am not much of a commenter but also need to let you know how much I enjoy your posts and quilts. It is hard to ignore negative comments but some people have no manners and are just nuts!

    Reply
  24. Melissa G

    I thought the white thread had a kind of spider web feel which was perfect for a halloween quilt. Yours is the only blog I read every single day no matter how my day has gone. Love your creativity and your real-ness.

    Reply
  25. Cindy F

    It makes me sad that you had to put up with that nonsense. People have no filter when it comes to the internet. I never will understand that. There’s so much more I was going to say but decided to leave it at that. I just hope you know you have so many people who appreciate your efforts.

    Reply
  26. Elaine

    Jo, don’t let this guy get to you. I love your blog and read it every day. Seems this guy has bigger problems and has decided to take it out on you. Ignore him and forget it. He is not worth the trouble.

    Reply
  27. Beryl BC

    I like the thread on your quilt just fine.
    Speaking of snippets, I really like the bicycle fabric which appears to be on the back of the quilt next to the dogs. I’ve seen a similar bicycle fabric on light background, but I think this is the first I’ve seen on dark background.
    I also like your new blog format.

    Reply
  28. Ellie

    I’m so sorry you have had to deal with this ugliness! You are so enthusiastic and generous I hate to hear people think they can criticize you and your choices. Most of your readers love your blog so please ignore the sour pusses and keep doing what you and Kelli do! I look forward to you every morning and envening.

    Reply
  29. Betty from Canada

    Hey Jo if Ben is such a hot shot computer guy why isn’t he working for some big name computer company developing new products. As for thread color I leave that up to my long armer and he hasn’t disappointed me yet. Also glad to see Ruby back in action.

    Reply
  30. Carolyn in Texas

    I loved the white thread and agree it looked like a spider web at first glance. Just remember we are not all like that. For some of us you are part of our extended family. That quilting is absolutely wonderful!!!

    Reply
  31. PattiLynn9

    I love your blog!!!
    I understand how you’d want to check out what the guy (jerk) said re: the “malware”. Ouch about the $200. Now, you know for sure your site is okay and the problem is on his end. Poor wife tho. That’s one issue….as far as the rude commenter re: the white thread. I’d “consider the source” and move on. Some ppl aren’t taught manners, and others are deliberately mean. Too bad for them.

    Reply
  32. Rita

    Jo I love your blog and visit everyday. I have never had a problem. Please don’t let that rude, obnoxious man or wrong color quilt thread woman have any more of your time and attention. They are not worthy. Keep doing what you do, we love it.

    Reply
  33. Lisa B

    Your Sunday morning “snippet” was a brief look at your real life, one that we can all relate to! I wish you could of responded to that guy that he is the only blog follower to have that problem so maybe it isn’t you but him! Do I see things on blogs or Instagram I don’t like, would never do, or would of picked a different color/fabric for? Yes. But we each have our own likes or limited fabric stash/funds so why make a negative comment. Why tear the person down. We are (suppose to be) adults not junior high kids any longer where we have to put someone down to make ourselves feel better. (We all age but we don’t all mature!) Also, I frequently tell myself this photo will look different on my large desktop screen compared to my cell phone screen, and it does! Keep up the great job Jo and Kelli!

    Reply
  34. Stephani in N. TX

    Remember the TV ad where the office guy is so mad at his computer he throws it off the desktop. Computer workings can be very stressful and difficult to correct. I can see your critics point if he has to wipe a memory clean and reinstate a blog list frequently. It probably has not occurred to him that it is a computer problem, not necessarily yours. I have a custom-built computer, old now, but built for my business. Now since I have moved to a small town, I started here with broadband and I could have sold my soul over the slow burning anxiety of trying to do anything on it. Despite the cost of closing my contract early, I moved on to a faster internet provider. Thankfully, operations were night and day better and I can read and or look at any of the hundreds of blogs I like every day, including yours twice a day. The old computer works well EVERY day. I also wipe my history clean every day, and I think that helps. I find that on-line shopping invites malware and every other creepy ad to visit me so cleaning, dumping the recycle bin, and defragging (administrative term on your START button) surely can help. Hope you feel better with the number of reader who love your blog.

    Reply
  35. Mary

    I am sorry that you have to listen/read these idiotic comments. The anonymity of the internet makes it so easy for people to write anything that comes into their heads. I doubt if that person would have said that comment to you in person. Thank you for reaching out to that wife. I hope if she needs help she will contact you. I enjoy blog so please know you and your work is appreciated.

    Reply
  36. Michelle

    People leave the STUPIDEST comments sometimes. I’m going to hope that Ben’s wife is doing just fine and would be horrified if she saw what he’d written to you.

    Reply
  37. Pat

    People have become so rude since they have anonymity on social networks. I am sure he wouldn’t have said an of that to your face (or, if he would, you’re right to be worried about his wife!!). There are many of us who appreciate the effort you put into your blog –especially knowing the energy you expend every day with your daycare. Try not to let the bullies bother you. Maybe you could block him?

    Reply
  38. Kim LeMere

    I love your blog! and since I have been following you for quite a long time and no computers problems here.. Let me be one of those that say Thank You for staying on top of making your site safe. I also approve of the white thread or any other color you choose, its your quilt and your design, so do what you want,
    .

    Reply
  39. Robin Boggan

    I enjoy your blog so much! Thank you for everything that you do for all of us. I look forward to read your blog everyday. Don’t let the sour apples spoil your day. Remember they are your quilts and you can do anything you want too!

    Reply
  40. Linda

    As the years go by I notice more and more poor behaviour. Very often downright rude. A couple of days ago I was driving to school to collect my granddaughter. As I turned the corner towards the next cul de sac where we live, there was a small truck backing out of the cul de sac. Good job I was driving slowly or else he would have crashed into me. I pipped my car horn, he started to go forwards back into the cul de sac as I hovered waiting for him to get out of my way. Then he suddenly did a U turn in the mouth of the cul de sac and charged out right in front of my car, showing me two fingers and snarling at me! I think everyone is angry these days – or become angry in a second – like your blog follower’s husband. Someone else is always to blame for their mistakes. What a society we are living in.

    Reply
  41. Cheryl

    She faced hateful hashtags and toerags, nevertheless she persisted!!

    I’m so sorry you’re having a rough day. I think you bring a lot of joy and creativity and hope and delight to this world. At least you do to mine. I’m so grateful to read your blog. I haven’t had any of the problems that I’ve seen mentioned, and if I did, much like that guy’s persistent wife, I’d keep coming back for more anyway. Please keep persisting yourself, my world would be darkened without you and you blog!!

    Reply
  42. Paulette Voit

    I also have been finding more rudeness online. People hide behind their device and attack others. Hang in there Jo. (My thoughts are also for the wife of the jerk. I can’t imagine how me must have yelled at her). My prayers to both of you.

    Reply
  43. Roxanne

    Sometimes thoughtless and mean people can shake our personal world. Being a devoted reader I know your whole life is focused on love. You have many gifts and you happily share them with great energy and generosity of spirit. I read a lot of blogs but only a few faithfully from top to bottom and yours is one of those. You are amazing! Sending hugs! ❤️

    Reply
  44. Sammi

    There’s no accounting for people…their taste (or lack of it)…..or their actions. Just keep doing what you’re doing….I read your blog every day, and enjoy it very much. Sometimes you just have to tell people to stuff it!

    Reply
  45. Donna

    Yes people can say really mean things anonymously sitting behind a computer!!! I love your blog and hope you never stop blogging! I have learned so much about quilting from you and Kelli!!!! I think the very first thing I learned about quilting is there is no right or wrong; make it the way you want! Your quilts are always wonderful and you are such an inspiration!!!!

    Reply
  46. Josie McRazie

    I would have loved to see orange thread!! But for me orange and yellow are my go to neutrals! But she could have been a bit nicer! Peeps can be so rude!!

    Reply
  47. Karen

    as a blogger for 10 years now I too have had those comments now and then that you can live without and just have to shrug them off but now and then you do get hurtful things. The white on the quilt looks great when you see the whole quilt – but we do not always think to show more than one photo when we are blogging and people can just be so mean.
    I am not a great computer person I love blogging and being on the computer but I do not know how they work — my husband takes care of all issues with my computer – there has been a time or two when it has been one day after another that I have to ask him to check my computer and figure out where the problem is – it might be the lady who’s husband got in touch with you is like me – likes to be on the computer but has no idea how it works. I imagine now and then it gets frustrating to my husband to have to keep “fixing” mine – he has never demanded I do not visit a site but he does let me know if he thinks a site is causing the problem on my computer – it might be this man just didn’t quite say it right to you because he was frustrated with the problem – I really doubt the husband/wife issue is that much of a problem really.

    Reply
  48. Mary Jo B.

    Hugs and kisses to you. Sorry you had such a bad time of it lately. I love the white thread – it makes the quilting stand out – which is a perfectly good reason to use a high contrast thread.
    Have some chocolate – here are some reasons why you should:

    Here are some of the best examples of the benefits of cocoa from researchers around the world:
    •It helps keep your heart healthy. …
    •It boosts your mood. …
    •It’s associated with maintaining a healthy weight. …
    •It could be anti-aging. …
    •It helps keep your brain sharp. …
    •It relieves stress. …
    •It helps prevent stroke.

    Reply
  49. Martha

    Jo, I seldom add comments to anyone’s site. But you have to know how much I enjoy reading your blogs. can hardly wait for the next one. I am 81 and have been sewing and quilting since I was 5 yr old. so you know how much I love sewing and quilting. It is marvelous that you can do so much with your days and I admire your compassion for others. I love how your family interacts also. There were 12 of us kids and 2 are now gone, but family is God’s gift to us and we should love as He loves us. Thanks for always thinking of others the way you do. Just try to ignore those who are cruel; apparently they do not know God’s love in their lives. Keep up the posting as we all enjoy it.

    Reply
  50. Marie

    Jo, I really must preface my comments on your website/blog by saying I really do enjoy reading it every day, however, I can see where a person could get frustrated by all the ads you have place on it. I find that of all the blogs I read daily, yours takes the longest to open up because of those ads. It sometimes frustrates me as well and have noticed that you took some off however, are they really necessary? By the way, I don’t mind the white thread on your quilt :)

    Reply
  51. Rhonda Russell

    I LOVE the white thread on the black fabric. It allowed the quilting stitches to be the star of the show. After seeing the entire picture, I understood that white would blend in better but I honestly thought that it was just a style choice that I happened to love. I could understand that someone might not like the choices that you make, but she didn’t need to be so rude about sharing it. Keep being you as there’s enough of us who love your choices to drown out the few who don’t. :)

    Reply
  52. Diana

    so sorry for all the unpleasantness, and remember what Lori Holt says who I also follow, you’re the boss of your quilt, love everything you do

    Reply
  53. Jeannie

    Jo, I rarely comment but that guy with the malware complaint prompted me. Malware is ever so tricky and unless a person works in this field, they can be easily fooled into thinking they fixed the problem when they didn’t. They wipe their computer clean to get rid of an infection. But they start over by installing backups, not realizing that the infection was also backed up and they are reinstalling it right along with everything else. So the problem keeps repeating itself. This guy would do well to pay attention to what your computer guy said and also get professional assistance. It doesn’t appear that any other readers of your blog are having an issue and they would be if the malware was coming from your site. It also makes me wonder what security software they are using. It isn’t doing its job of protecting them.

    Reply
  54. Brenda W

    Jo, I love your posts and I am sorry that some people do not know how to play nicely. Please “listen louder” to all of the positive comments and dismiss the negative as “their problem.”

    Reply

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