So Kalissa and were out and met someone we both know.  I’ve known the person for 25 years at least.  We aren’t close friends but I know them and consider them to be a very nice person.  Carver was with us.  We were chatting.  Carver was restless so I took him off and helped him and was away from the conversation.

After a short bit Kalissa caught up to me and said, “Oh my, that was awkward.”  I didn’t know what was up, so I asked, and she told me that after I left with Carver, the person asked- “So how’s your mom’s cancer?”  Then following that response she asked, “How’s she doing without your Dad?”

People, STOP!  Please STOP!  I am not mad about this.  It’s human nature.  We all wonder about the widow in the room.  We all wonder about the person with medical issues.  We all want to ask.  We all wonder.  It’s natural.  It’s normal and it’s entirely okay.  But…let’s find a better way to ask about it.

We all have been places and all of us were aware that there was “an elephant in the room”, a topic people wanted to talk about yet didn’t.

So…today I’m writing this to help you all who feel uncomfortable talking about the “elephant”.

Number one thing I want everyone to know:
I don’t mind if anyone talks to me about Kramer (my husband who died in June of 2019).  I don’t mind it a bit.  I love it in fact.  By you talking about him, it lets me know that someone else besides me is missing him.  It also lets me know that you care about me.  Talking about him lightens my load and the grief we bare is shared.  The load is lightened.  That’s awesome.  Yes, I might get a tear in my eye with a shared memory but that tear isn’t hurting me.  It’s helping me.

The problem is…how does one mention “the elephant”?  How do you bring it up in conversation?

Here’s my suggestion: Continue reading →

Well my last update told you I was being sent to Mayo Clinic in Rochester MN.

Last week after being somewhat assertive I didn’t accept the August 4th appointment as “their soonest” appointment and got a June 29th one instead.  The next day they called.  Doctor Castro, the Mayo doctor, looked at my chart and said she wants me to go through the dreaded diet, shots and full body scan before she sees me….and they moved my appointment up to see her to June 25th.  (Proof my case was “urgent” enough to warrant a before August 4th appointment)

Anyway, they then gave me a June 1st- 7:45am telephone appointment with the nurse to discuss everything I had to do before the now June 25th appointment.

BUT WAIT.  I ended up getting a call from billing and they were sorry but they wouldn’t see me as my insurance designates Mayo as being “out of network”.  A bunch of paperwork has to be done before my insurance will cover anything through Mayo and that typically takes at least two weeks so they were sorry but I likely couldn’t keep that phone appointment.  I ended up asking how much the phone appointment would cost, I was $250.  I ended up just paying the amount via my debit card so I could keep the appointment.  Insurance can be filed on that later but there is no guarantee it will covered as even if I am approved to be seen by Mayo (which I should be able to) I was not approved for that before it happened.

I’m not rolling in dollars, but I don’t want these appointments held up anymore.  $250 is worth keeping this ball rolling.

This is what I found out from the phone appointment….
Continue reading →