Well Monday was biopsy day…AGAIN.
I was lucky that Kelli was free and willing to come over and watch the childcare kiddos while I drove to Lacrosse for my procedure. I stuck around long enough to get her going and get lunch somewhat started but then off I went.
The drives over and back this fall have been nice. It’s amazing the chances that have happened with the trees and the farm fields over the last week. Farmers have been able to get in the fields and bring in the crops.
Here the corn is in..the beans are in and round bales are made.
Last week…none of this. The crops were all standing in the fields. Farmers have so needed this last week.
I made it to Lacrosse with a stop to go to the bathroom and fill the tank along the way.
I went up to the waiting area and was quickly called back. They started to go into the whole spiel explaining a needle biopsy to me and I smiled and said, “This is my sixth one…I know the drill”. I went on to explain that back in 2016 after my first needle biopsy the pathology came back as inconclusive. I had the option to remove my thyroid or keep coming back for the needle biopsies. I opted to remove it….but look. Here I am coming back for yet another needle biopsy. And that’s when the radiologist walked in. Hmmm.
Today they were looking at the left side of my neck. He said they were taking four samplings from two lymph nodes. The thought is that my original cancer was on the left side of my neck so if it has come back, it would likely be on the left side. He found one node that again, “looked suspicious”. It was it was actually more under my chin than in my neck. He numbed me up and took the sampling. Then numbed me up again and did a sampling from the largest node he could find even though that one didn’t look suspicious.
I was numb from my jaw down to my collar bone. He really numbed me up good this time but that made moving my neck quite awkward. In reality, I probably should have had a driver but as I said, I’ve done this before and have never been numbed up like I was this time.
The two nurses that were helping were great. One of them said something about “her being sorry I had to do these repeated tests”. I said back, “This is nothing. My husband died in June of lung cancer.” That’s about when I started crying. Oh jeepers. UGH. How embarrassing! I wiped my tears and headed to the nearest bathroom.
So many of you have said, “Oh you’re so strong.” I’m really not. I’m just putting one foot in front of the other and hoping for the best…but occasionally, I end up taking a step back.
I got myself together enough and headed to the car. My plan was to make a quick stop to the quilt shop..and I did. Then I headed back across the bridge to Minnesota and on to Caledonia. I got some gas station chicken tenders and ate them on the road. I had talked to Kelli on the phone while at the gas station and she told me to make sure that I stopped at the thrift store while I was driving home.
I did and was glad I stopped. I’ll tell you more about that in another blog post. That was my only stop…I forgot about my medicine and skipped my other errands.
I just wanted to be home. My neck was sore, my brain was tired and my heart was hurting. I do pretty good most of the time….just not this day. I’ll admit, I’m pretty tired of the not knowing what’s happening in my own body. I’m getting to the point I need a plan.
I hit Jackson Junction and headed south. There was the farm. I was in country…back in my safe zone..and only a few miles from my house.
Yes the house was filled with kids…yes they’d all be asking questions about why I had bandaids on my neck. Yes they’d all want to ask questions like “Did the doctor cut you?” That’s my comfort zone….hanging with the little people I love who love me right back.
I just love how they all can ask their questions, hug me and love on me and not make me feel like the elephant in the room. I’ve said it time and time again, I love these guys so much. They really are my people.
It was good to be home…and now we wait. 48-72 hours for the biopsy results. One of my childcare parents commented that waiting that long was a long time. Not really…I’ve been waiting for test results and decisions for either Kramer or I all year long. 48-72 hours is no big deal.
Sorry for the not so happy upbeat post…I’m just doing what people say I do, “keeping it real”…and occasionally, this is my reality.
Prayers and hugs for you Jo. Hope the next few days fly by.
Please don’t apologise for telling it like it is, if you were constantly upbeat it would be false and you would do yourself more harm, mentally. Calling at the quilt shop & thrift store were a good move! Me-time is just as important as time for others.
Thinking of you & sending a hug xx
Im so glad for you family and your little people to help you through this trying time. Sending love and positive vibes
Sometimes letting go and crying can be the strongest thing to do. A line from an old song goes “It takes a man to laugh, it takes a train to cry.” Feeling grief and expressing sorrow are the hardest things humans do. You are not taking a step backwards–sometimes the small steps forward take the most courage. Take care.
Who said if you are being strong doesn’t mean you can’t shed a tear or two. Sometimes grief just surprises you out of the blue. It sucks! You are wonderfully made and have an amazing heart.
You will get through this… even if you need a little help from friends. Praying for knowledge and a plan to ease your mind. God’s time not ours is sometimes very hard to wait for.
You are here because someone still needs you. We still have to go on a lunch date. ;- )
Hugs across the miles! I lost my mom on October 5 and finally, this weekend processed my loss with tears and allowed my self to be sad. It is so hard being strong. We all need days to just feel the pain.
Jackie..I’m so sorry you lost your mom. It’s so hard moving on without the people we hold dear.
Sending up more prayers for you and your family. Hope you have the best day possible. Take care!
So glad you have Kelli and the little people to keep you going. Hugs, prayers and thoughts headed your way. You have an amazing attitude!
It is so true about the hugs of little ones, isn’t it? Their hugs are so honest and filled with love. I have one grand daughter that gives those kind of hugs – and she’s just as reluctant to let go as I am. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers while you wait for the results.
Love and prayers
Hugs and prayers headed your way. So glad you have the little people and Kelly to help you.
God holds you in His hands and we hold you in our prayers. And crying…. go ahead. In fact, I encourage it. You’ll feel better after. You know they say stress hormones flow out with our tears. Nifty design imho. But the stuffy nose after is a bummer.
I’m a strong woman as well but sometimes, things just get the best of us. You deserve a good cry. And I so appreciate the pictures of farm country. And Blessings to the farmers for keeping us fed. American is truly a wonderful place to live, so diverse. Where I live in NW Florida, we have cotton fields and soy beans alternating each year. We went to the Jay peanut festival and passed the cotton fields, getting ready to pick. And pumpkin patches and peanuts. Did you ever have boiled peanuts? Its an acquired taste. And strawberries and blueberries.
Bless you Jo. You’re human. No need to apologize. We all love you with uncondition love. ❤❤❤
Jo, I pray for you while you are on this journey. I’m glad you keep it real and don’t mind the sad posts one bit. I feel like a friend, since I’ve read your blog for so long. You’d tell a friend when you feel sad and that’s what we are in blogland…a bunch of friends. It reminds me of what Kalissa wrote in her blog post about grief…that ball hit your sad spot. Didn’t plan on that to happen, it just happened. As I was reading I thought: well, I hope she got to stop at the thrift store on her way home!
Not sure if you like (or have even heard of) Tom Petty but his song, “The Waiting” is a great song to sing along with when waiting gets tedious. I just love belting out, “…and the waiting is the hardest part” Little people, critters and music can keep you sane. God Bless you and in my eyes, you ARE one strong lady!
We’ve never met yet because you keep your posts so real, I feel like I know you as a friend who can share all that’s going on in her life. Sending ((hugs)) and continued prayers that there will be results and a plan of action. ❤️
No one could accuse you of not being strong going through what you have in the last couple of years! By crying once in a while it’s like a pressure relief valve and you need that occasionally, I’m glad you stopped at the quilt shop and the thrift shop. Good therapy! And hugging the children is great therapy too! Continue to keep you in my prayers.
I hope you finally are able to have a plan. I will be thinking of you hoping for the best.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts. You touch my heart. I love the farmland photos, too. And your little ones are such blessings. I pray for good results from the biopsies. I’m not sure what would be good, only God knows. God bless you.
I’ve never met you in person, but I care about you and pray for you. I love all of your posts…the fun ones, the show & tell ones that showcase your lovely creations, and the candid peeks into the uncertain parts of your “reality” in life’s journey. In all of it, there is an undercurrent of love, trust and gratitude.
You’re on my heart and in my prayers as you wait.
Good morning Jo,
You just be you, no apologies needed. Have been through those needle biopsies, no fun. Just take good care of you. Nothing wrong with keeping it real.
Sending a big hug, and prayers for a better day for you tomorrow!
No apologies needed for being human, Jo. I’d be more worried if you didn’t have those moments and we appreciate you sharing your journey with us. I know it’s bound to help others and I hope it’s cathartic for you as well. Praying for good results from your biopsy and a firm plan as you move forward. So glad you were greeted with so much love when you returned home!
Echoing everything already said.
Keeping my fingers crossed that this time they find what they’ve been looking for and you can start getting that plan of action you’re so ready for. Uncertainty is a stressful as anything.
Oh, I feel your heavy heart. But all we can do is baby steps each day. Hang in there!
I don’t like to cry. It’s not that I consider it a sign of weakness; it just doesn’t make me feel better. Everyone is different and handle emotions differently. There is no right or wrong, just what works. Do what works for you without guilt. You are wonderful.
Prayers and thanks for the update. You are such a trooper with all these tests and I pray that the answer will come with these results. You could have probably given the whole speal to the nurses Jo. Love to you. Tears are healing.
Sending prayers your way, Jo! You really are strong! Much stronger than I feel like I am.
Keeping it real is difficult but better to talk about! Praying for good results for you Jo & sending hugs!
So sorry For what you have to go through. You are a very brave lady to drive yourself there and home again. Take care. Margaret Anderson. xxx & hugs.
No apologies necessary. Everyone gets to have a little pity party especially dealing with what you have gone through this year. Move on as you do so well.
Hugs Jo……
Never apologize for loving Kramer and missing him. I read that some days the pent-up love trickles down our cheeks. Prayers and thoughts coming your way, Jo. And yep, our little folks keep it alive and real! Wish I was close enough to give hugs and then take you to lunch, or meet you at the thrift store!
I’m sorry it was a sucky day today. Don’t ever apologize for being real. Holding things in makes it worse. You have lots of friends out here, and we’re all keeping a good thought for you. Let those little people give you a lift!
Hugs and prayers for your renewed health and vitality, Jo. God bless you!
Sending thoughts and prayers. I understand. Loosing someone you never goes away and the having to deal with your own health issues brings it back to real. I buried my 29 year son in May. Always on your mind forever in your heart. Thinking of you and praying for good results.
Dearest Jo. You ARE strong, BECAUSE you keep putting one foot in front of the other and hoping for the best. I love that, despite the loss and sadness you experience, you are still able to find joy in people and experiences. Know that you are a strength to others and loved from afar. x
What a tough day on so many levels, and go ahead and cry if you need to. I’m glad you made it home safely and lets hope for results that put a plan in place for your health. Hugs Jo
Jo, I hope all goes well for you. I think it is good to cry. We try to stay so strong, to get by from day to day, and we just have to let the tears flow from time to time. That doesn’t mean weakness, it means strength. I PRAY for YOU JO. We all will stay positive with you, for good results from the test you had done. I love YOU JO like a SISTER
Grief hits us at unexpected times and for unexpected reasons. My son had to have his leg amputated almost two years ago, after a year long series of surgeries and treatments. I still can’t say amputated without tearing up. Now my husband may be facing it, too. You have every right to cry whenever you need to.
Kiddos do always make it better. Their curiosity isn’t intrusive, just natural.
Hang in there, Jo. I’m praying for you.
Hang tough Jo.
Prayers & hugs!