I told you that I had the grandkids this weekend. What I didn’t tell you was that I had lunch with Buck on Friday.
In yesterday’s post, I told you that I went to pick up Buck’s kids on Friday but they thought I was coming on Saturday. It was the best miscommunication EVER.
I got to Buck’s house and no one was home. I was confused as I was on time. Typically on my drive there he’ll call and see how I’m doing. It’s a two-hour drive..nothing terrible. But there was no phone call, and now no one was here. Hmm.
I called him and he said, “You’re here today??”
“Yep”, I said, “at your front door”.
He said he thought I was coming tomorrow. So…we made new plans to go up to the bar and grill and eat as it was close to lunchtime.
I had yet to eat in a restaurant yet so that was GREAT, but the best part was…
spending time with my son.
I think we who are grandmas all do it. We put all of our energy into our grandkids. They are the ones who openly need us. They are the ones who demand time. They are ones who need a diaper change, a meal, time in the rocking chair, a sippy cup, a visitor at a game…and the list goes on and on.
As I sit here and reflect on my weekend, I’m thrilled to have gotten this picture I showed you yesterday of me and the grandkids…
…but I am equally as thrilled to have gotten to spend time with Buck.
In all the hub-bub of chasing grandkids, I think I’ve not done as good of a job as I should of loving up on our kids. Oh my.
A long time ago, people would hassle Kelli about not having kids…they did that to Kayla too. In fact, they even did it to me. I’d get comments all of the time. People would say, “Your kids are old enough. I’m surprised you don’t have grandkids yet.”
The comment bothered me some. I finally got to the point that I learned to say, “I didn’t have kids just to have grandkids. I love spending time with my kids. If they do or don’t have kids, I don’t care.” It was the truth. If and/or/when they had kids was their business.
I still believe that but I think I’ve lost sight of that a little bit. I need to spend time with my adult kids. I’m still their mom. They still need me…and they don’t just need me for childcare. I’ve not done as much as I want to nurture adult relationships with them and I’ve going to work harder on that.
Don’t get me wrong. I see my kids. I talk very regularly on the phone with the kids. I feel close to them…but…there is something about having lunch with someone one on one that is different.
I’ll always remember reading a book and the author was talking about building better relationships with your spouse. She suggested going out on a date with one rule…not to talk about the kids.
Kramer and I did that a couple of times. Oh my. That was a challenge.
The author suggested that to keep your married relationship alive and happy, your life together had to be more than just the kids.
WOW. I can see that this same idea should probably be translated for me to my kids. My relationship with them needs to be about more than just the kids. I want to know if they have aspirations and dreams. I want to know about them…not just the kids.
I think I need to work to have lunch with them. No kids. No spouses. Just me and my kid. This sounds marvelous to me.
I think my kids know I love and appreciate them, BUT I think they need to know I appreciate and love them…not just for bringing grandkids into my life but for being part of my life. I love them. I want to spend time with them. I want them to be a part of my life as my adult child and friend…not only as the parent to the grandkids.
Buck said, “I think that’s the most alone time we’ve had since I’ve moved out.” That is so sad. He’s 31. In 13 years, I haven’t spent more than two hours of alone time with him. Granted we have a big family. He doesn’t come home that often so when he does, the other kids all want to be here and see him. But…still, it’s sad. I’m changing that.
I ended up writing my kids a note:
“Dear kids- In my day mix-up with Buck on Friday, we ended up going out for lunch…just the two of us. It was nice. I love all of your kids dearly, but I love you too. I want to spend time with the kids, but there was something nice about lunch alone just the two of us. I want to do that more. Pick a time and place, lunch will be on me. No kids. I’m more than happy to do the driving and even paying for the sitter. This is an open invite for any time that works into your schedule. If you want to come here, I’d happily get a sitter to babysit too. I just want to stay in touch with you and recognize you for you, not the parent of my grandkids. XO Mom“.
Feel free to use my note if you need an opening to get in touch with your kids. Hey, let’s do this. Let’s love up on our adult kids!!
I felt bad that the date was screwed up and it made Buck and Lora (well Lora mostly) have to scramble to get the kids ready, but it was so worth it. I got time with my son! I’m so grateful.