I had noticed that a lot of my high school friends were posting photos of their wedding anniversaries lately. We were all married in the era when all weddings were in the summer. I can name half a dozen friends who recently posted anniversaries on their Facebook pages. I looked at the number of years they were married. All of them were in their 30s in years being married. I looked at them nostalgically and thought, wow! That is quite an accomplishment. Kramer and I were just short of 33 years of being married. Many of them were surpassing that. I thought about it, smiled, and tried to be thankful for the years we had and not dwell on the fact that the years were cut short.
Fast forward to Saturday night. Kalissa and her family had just left, and I was doing the dishes and cleaning up for the night. I had some music on and was singing along. About then, I started thinking about the date. It was the 25th. Ya, tomorrow would be my wedding anniversary.
Then I started thinking about Kramer and life now with Rick. I still love Kramer. I will always love him even though Rick is in my life now. It has taken me years to realize I can do both. I can love Kramer,
I can love Kramer and I can love Rick. Neither love negates the other. Thankfully, Rick is okay about that. It does take a good man to accept that.
I was back to thinking about Kramer. Here is my favorite picture from our wedding…
This was an informal picture someone caught of us. It was so much better than all of the posed pictures. Truth be told, he was grabbing me in the butt at the time the photo was snapped. It was a real picture of young love…a real picture of how we were together.
Here’s the formal picture…totally not us.
Who knew five kids and ten grandkids later I would be standing at a kitchen sink in Iowa doing some calculations to try to figure out how many years we would have been married.
I started to calculate. The answer was 40 years. This would have been our 40th wedding anniversary. That hit me hard.
Had he lived, the kids would have likely planned a party. Kramer would have likely fussed and said we didn’t need a party. The kids would likely have tried to surprise us just so they didn’t hear him grumble. Our friends and family would have come. It would have been so fun. Kramer wasn’t the best with birthday parties or Christmas. He did hold our anniversary as a special day, though. He’d have done something…or we would have gone somewhere. He just didn’t like public events. He’d still have wanted to celebrate.
So I took a moment to mourn what could have been. It’s tough going forward alone after the loss of a spouse. It’s tough thinking about what could have been. It’s hard for me to believe that this would have been our 40th wedding anniversary.
I’m okay…it’s just another of those milestone events that snuck up on me unexpectedly. Those happen fewer and further between. Through all of this, one of the biggest things I’ve learned is that grief doesn’t just end.
I’m good. I had my cry.
…and with that, I pulled up my bootstraps and jumped back into my current life. It’s a good life with a good man too.
Each year I also quietly celebrate my anniversary with my deceased husband. I like to remember the day even if he’s no longer here. I have a new life, different than what I had expected, but still good. So have a little cry and move in until next year.
I’m in awe of how you manage to honor Kramer and move forward as he would have wanted you to. My husband has been gone four years. Our anniversary was the end of May. It was a bittersweet day… lots of happy memories to be celebrated alone. Reading about your life with Rick gives me hope for future happiness.
Love is ever-expandable. Sending a hug.
Married 10-10-1964. He’s been passed 11 yrs ,3 July, day after my 70 th birthday. Met when I was 15, he was 18. Married, I was 19. 2 sons, both handicapped, 2 G sons. No contact with oldest son or either G son…their choices. I am 81, live a full life, younger son & wife are extremely helpful . I have severe mobility issues but live alone, drive take self care. Life is blessed, great, busy ( sew quilts, 2 to 10 hrs , 300 days a year), and Praise the Lord for every second of it.
I think it’s wonderful when someone can find love and companionship a second time. Kramer wouldn’t want you to be alone. You will always have your kids to remind you of that good life and now you are making new memories. Enjoy.
As you know it is okay to take a trip down memory lane. It is good to remember Kramer – you had many years together and it wasn’t by choice that you aren’t together now. I believe because you loved and lost it helps that you are able to love again.
I”m so glad that you are able to mourn but still move on…as everyone has said, that’s what Kramer would have wanted. You are so blessed to have five healthy children and 10 grandchildren! That’s the legacy left from Kramer…but I’m glad that you are able to enjoy this new loving relationship with Rick, too!
I love the surprise picture of you and Kramer! Especially I’m so thrilled you were able to carry that first-love joy into the future you built together. You were so lucky to have found that once but to have found it again is your miracle of many days to come! Congratulations on a happy marriage and on finding a way to move forward again! Xoxox. M
On August 6 it will be two years since I lost my husband Redgy. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. Lots of great memories are helping my longing for him, and hearing from you gives me hope, Jo. He chose hospice on 4th of July and I suddenly remembered that day with a lot of grief and it’s lingered off and on as I anticipate August 6th, but I know I will be ok.
Your life with Kramer, children, grandchildren, thinker, cancer survivor, educator, artist….all these parts and many others, are the woman who Rick loves. Your wedding date is important, walking down memory lane and mourning what will never be supports your love for him and the life you created with Kramer. Rick is a lucky man Your grew to embrace him!
I know how lucky we are and I don’t take it for granted. We just had our 46th anniversary. It hit me big as we have now been married longer than Mom/Dad as Dad died of his cancer that year.
Hugs to you JO. I’ve no doubt Rick is hugging you bigly today
I lost my husband of 57 years 16 months ago. I read that there is no closure in the steps of grief. The pictures of you and Kramer are so nice to remember. Of course you still love Kramer. I am happy that you have found Rick and can be happy with him. You have many years ahead of you.
We’re never the same! Loosing a spouse wether by divorce or death is very hard