February was an interesting month for me. Lots of things were happening behind the scenes, and now I am able to tell you about one of the things.
I have a new boyfriend…
Things with Arnie and me had been going downhill since Christmas. I tried a few times in January and early February to talk about it, but nothing came of it, so we decided to call it quits. I’m not going to say a lot more about the whats and whys of it all…just know in the end, it was the best for me. From the outside, you likely won’t see that, but trust me, it’s the right thing that we aren’t together.
I kind of knew things were bumpy back in October, but I was trying to recover from surgery. I second-guessed myself, thinking it was me and pain killers and recovery that were feeling uncomfortable to me. As time went on, I could see that it wasn’t just me recovering from surgery, something wasn’t right.
In January…I tried talking, again. Nothing. Same in February. Nothing. I started to think it might be time be done, but he beat me to it and left.
Please know I am not sad about this. It’s the right thing.
I told my kids…I got a whole mixed bag of reactions. The kids have been absolutely wonderful about it.
I had one kid tell me, “Mom, you’d better wait a year before you decide if you want to date again.” I put the kibosh on that right away. I’m 60. If I date someone, I’m not waiting a year unless it takes that long to find a good one.
I had another kid tell me, “You’d better get back on the saddle.” I don’t know if I’m quite there yet either.
Kalissa and Kelli both told me they preferred me to tell their kids that Arnie and I weren’t going to be together. So one day after school, when Carver and Gannon were here, I pulled them aside and said, “I decided that Arnie isn’t going to be my boyfriend anymore and I’m not going to be his girlfriend.” Carver’s reaction…”hmm”. Nothing more. Gannon’s reaction: “I know what that’s called. It’s called breaking up. You and Arnie are breaking up.” I said he was right…then he said, “Well, Grandma, what’s your plan now?”
I told him I didn’t have a plan yet and that it’s okay to not have a plan right away.
Then Kelli was visiting a couple of days later, and I pulled Eli, Emmett, and Georgia aside. I told them the same thing. Emmett said he would miss Arnie…Georgia said nothing…and Eli said, “It’s okay, Grandma. I will be your new boyfriend.” Then he jumped up on my lap and gave me a giant hug. Oh my goodness, it made me get all teary. Eli is such a little feisty guy. He gets in trouble regularly, but he was the most compassionate one of all.
Later that day, Eli came up to the sewing machine as I was sewing…
He started asking questions about the cross-stitch pieces I had up on the wall. He asked me about what I was sewing. Then he asked me about the old things I have in my house (antiques). I told him a few things and then laughed a few times over what he said in return.
I told Eli…”You know, I think you’re going to be a great boyfriend.” He said, “Yah, it’s important to make someone laugh.” Oh my. Melt my heart.
I was hoping I could get by with not telling all you blog readers for another month or so. I was hoping for a little space to figure things out for myself. But, the day after Arnie picked up his stuff, I got a note from a blog reader wondering if things were okay with Arnie and me. I got another one the next day…The nurse at the doctor’s office asked me the next day. I guess the cat is out of the bag, so I might as well tell you all.
What I’ll do from here…no idea…and honestly, I’m not looking for advice on the matter. I’ve already had people tell me that I should be fulfilled, as I have such a beautiful family, and there is no need to date. I’ve already had people tell me to move on and date again. I’ve heard lots already. I’ve lived life with and without a boyfriend so I think I’m the best judge at knowing what’s best for me. I’m going to do what I always do. I’ll think about it and then make a decision for myself.
For now, I want the dust to settle. I want to get through my upcoming medical appointments. (yes, it’s that time again in a few short weeks) I also want to write a new list of things I’m looking for in a guy. I have a start of a list:
Someone who will ask about or have an interest in what I’m working on
Someone interested enough in me to ask, “How was your day?”
Someone who is emotionally supportive.
I have more criteria to ponder…but that’s the start of my list.
I also want to take a hard look at what I want in a relationship. I’m starting to think I just want someone to date and go out with…who knows.
Someone asked if I was embarrassed to have broken up with him after 18 months, after I had thought things were great. No. No, I’m not. Life doesn’t come with a guidebook. There is no one formula for living life after your spouse passes away. My life is still a work in progress, and I’m going to keep working on making it the best life for me. Arnie being here was no longer the best life for me….
One of my kids asked me if I had any regrets. I absolutely don’t. I vividly remember the day I went to meet Arnie. It was a beautiful September day. The sun was shining… it was just perfect. As I was driving, I was reminding myself that the goal of the day was to have some fun and get out of the house. I didn’t need some epic romance. I just wanted to get out and have some fun. If that was only one day, I was fine with that. I ended up having lots of fun -many different fun outings- Arnie and I had the best times when we went out. So I’m counting the time we had together as a success. I learned a lot. I have no regrets.
No worries about me…I have Eli. He’s happy to be my boyfriend…for now.
Date, or don’t date. Make a list, or don’t. It’s all your choice for what you do in the future. You need to do what’s best for you, not what anyone else thinks is best. I’m glad you have had many good times with Arnie, and know you will move on as you need/want. Best of luck with your medical things coming up, and definitely enjoy your young boyfriend. He’s a charmer.
You inspire so many readers. I have read your blog for years. Totally amazed by all you accomplish. Your outlook being so accepting with all you are handed. Do what you want and ignore all the people who think they are advising you. ❤️ you and you make me a better person
Amen.
Im definitely not going to try to tell you what to do. Your life, your choice. I must say I was thinking something was different between you and Arnie when you started having Saturday sewing days. You had said before he usually came Friday thru Sunday. So I thought something was up. Thanks for letting us know. I wouldn’t have asked you. I send good thoughts to you that you do what makes you happy!
Awww Jo, sad to hear. My BF of 2.5 years and I broke up a couple months ago. It was mutual but at the same time, it broke my heart. We had something that felt great for quite a while, but the last few months things took a shift. In the end, sometimes a breakup is for the best. Glad you’re doing ok and you’ll figure out what’s right for you. Hugs. It can be the right thing but still leave a giant void. Thinking about you!
It’s hard but I know it’s the right thing…I’m sure you do too. Life can sure throw some curve balls.
Jo,
You often seem to be able to find the good in what you have created, what you’ve been through, and your life. You’re definitely not a “Debbie downer”.
It is so special that you can share life’s ups and downs with your readers.
Thank you for sharing,
Sally B.
You do you Jo. :) No one knows better than you what you need or what’s best for you. I love that you are always willing to take the bull by the horns and give it a try. That’s really what it’s all about. And you discovered tubing! Woohoo!
Jo you write things so eloquently and with a heart. No negativity just stating the facts on how you feel. No matter what you have your kids close by and their support. It’s a good thing we have our crafts/sewing to keep our mind and hands busy. Hang in their and know that we love you and your blog.
Life is short…have fun and do what makes you happy and is best for you. Meanwhile you have the sweetest grandson who wants to make you laugh.
That must have been hard to share. Thank you for being frank. My response echos Carver’s.
I’m sorry to hear you and Arnie have broken up but at the same time, like everyone else, I want you to be happy and content with who you are and where you are in life right now. You have a wonderful family {a new boyfriend ;-) } and a good life.
Love and prayers
You and Arnie certainly did have a lot of fun times as I think about what you’ve written. A new chapter in your book begins….Your new boyfriend is darn adorable!
Peace and Hugs❤️
Sending you a giant hug and tons of love! Nothing else to say.❤️
Yikes. It can’t be the easiest to lay out your life, no matter what the circumstances) in the blog. It was good…until it wasn’t. You tried new things, you opened your heart, you got some help cleaning and fixing things! You had fun times. Wishing you nothing but the best!
You do whatever works for you. I suppose it’s human nature for us all to have opinions, doesn’t necessarily mean we need to share them unasked. Your grandkids are an incredible lot. Even in my kids, who run from 30 to 12, I see so much of the beauty in life in their differences and personalities. Just keep living your life how you see fit.
Just wishing you the very best always Jo. You are a truly good person!!!
There are some days I could use Eli in my life. But I appreciate how you share your family and friends with us “warts” and all. It makes it so much more real to me than all roses. Continue to take care of you in what ever way needed. And thank you for sharing.
I always think about the saying….
“Some people come into our lives for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime.”
Every relationship serves a purpose…maybe it’s to teach us what we do or don’t want in a relationship. Or it could be to help us get back on our feet and find joy again in being out and about with others. These people may not stay in our lives for a lifetime, but they are special none the less. And that new boyfriend…he’s definitely a keeper!!!
Losing your spouse is the hardest thing you’ll ever go through. I know because my hubby died very suddenly in 2023. It’s taken me over 2 years to clear the fog from my brain. I’m much older than you are (I’m 79) and can’t imagine having anyone else in my life. I had the best and no one could ever replace him. But, you’re young and deserve to be happy and if it means having a man in your life again, then go for it. Everything in life is a lesson to be learned. Now, you know what you don’t want in a relationship, so you can move on. It’s wonderful you have family to talk to and rely on for comfort. I think Eli, right now, is the best boyfriend you could ever have.
You are so lucky your kids are close. Mine live out of state and they still think I should be alone. Working on 11 years and it’d be nice to just have a friend to go do things with. But, I have lots of UFOs that I recently dug out. Ha
Oh Jen…I encourage you to do what feels good for you. Grab the attitude of just having a date for fun. It really is nice.
How mature of Eli to say that it was important to make people laugh and that he would be your boyfriend. What a cute little guy.
I couldn’t understand why someone would ask if you were embarrassed that you and Arnie had broken up. I dated a guy off and on for almost 10 years, then quit. It took me that long to figure out that he wasn’t the one. You have a wonderful, supportive family who love you. And while you are deciding your next step, you have Eli.
You are awesome, Jo! So brave and a good example of a life we’ll lived in so many ways. Somehow I had missed this post previously.
Great admiration.
You were wise to break it off with Arnie when you realized things weren’t clicking. (So much better to break up now than to get divorced later.) Bless Eli for his generous heart and love for you! And remember that “a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”
I’m glad that you enjoyed your time with Arnie, but seems that it is time to move on…and Elie seems to be just the ticket right now! What a sweet little guy he is! Heaven only knows that you have a lot going on…I’m sure that God will put the right guy in your path when the time is right! You manage to live your life with such dignity and transparency…just keep doing you, Jo!
I had been missing hearing about Arnie in your blogs recently and now I know why. It was great while it was, but when it wasn’t, time to move on. Good for you to know when it was time.
I’m also of the sentiment of you do you. Only you know what is in your heart and what will be best for you. Sending good thoughts your way for your medical appointments!
Yep – you do what’s right for you! Only you will know what that is…
Your time with Arnie was right for when it was and whatever you decide for now is okay. You keep being you and I would hug that new boyfriend of yours; he is a keeper. Thinking of you and the medical testing that is coming up, prayers for a good outcome.
You do you. Thank you for sharing your experience. Sorry it didn’t work out for you. I became a widow at 60. Now going on 72, I appreciated living vicariously through your experience. Thank goodness I iwas at a stage in my life where I was needed by family with varying ages of young grandchildren. I learned to think better on my feet, learned to do so much independently. Having lost my daughter to covid and leaving behind 4 teens behind, at this age, my grandkids need me in a supportive role and encouragement role. My confidence in being me and making decisions of where I am needed, and not needed, is a new phase as they mature and move on. I saw how your confidence has been enhanced in your experiences. You had to do you as I have learned to do me. No matter the path, each has to have their own experiences to get there and different needs. So continue to be you and do you. You seem to have a handle on life and all it deals you. You need to continue to do you because you seem quite capable of knowing what you need and want. I pray for promising results in your health, but know you will handle it positively either way. ❤️
You do whatever makes you happy! It’s your life. I love your grandkids and their wonderful way of looking at things. Hugs, ❤️
Your new BF is *gorgeous* and a keeper. (I have one of my own who is almost three and occasionally pees his pants and then wants to run around naked.)
Much love to you
I’m sure you told me, but I missed the fact you had a blog and I have missed you terribly. When I couldn’t find you on YouTube, I was worried because you had mentioned that your health wasn’t great. Next time, please record a “short” on YouTube I just know that you’re just taking a break. You’re a great lady, a wonderful mother and grandmother and teacher of Quilting. I enjoy your comments and I know your husband must’ve loved you dearly to have built you your own studio. It’s good that you’ve had that love and know what to expect. Hang in there. You are treasured by many.
I was wondering when you had so much sewing time and than after reading the blog regarding the recent birthday celebrations and no mention of Arnie I guessed that chapter had ended. I agree with Tammie, every relationship has a purpose. Take your time.
Time for a new t-shirt with that slogan. Your new boyfriend is so handsome and has a big heart. He’s a keeper.
There was a noticeable absence of Arnie in your celebrations and accomplishments BUT I would have never asked–just wait to see if whatever was going on was something you felt comfortable discussing. I would say there has been such an outpouring of loving expressions by your grandchildren that this is such blessed maturity from your little gang… Must make you just give yourself the biggest hug.
I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you and Arnie. I loved reading about your dates and your trips up north with him. It seemed that he made you happy and I think all of your blog graders were happy for you then. But sometimes there’s just a clog in the relationship and it has to end. You grieve a little bit and then you move on. And that’s what you’re doing now Jo. I love the way you handled it with your grandchildren and I especially love Eli‘s response. Children are just so precious aren’t they? Good luck, Jo with whatever you choose to do.
Sexiness wears thin. Beauty fades. But a man who can make you laugh……
JoAnn Woodard.
Bout covers it doesn’t it.
I’m 80. Widowed for 4 years. Married at 18.
62 years and the thought of him still brings me joy because what he brought to my life.
Hugs, Jo. You know you better than anyone else. LOL, I’m jealous of your new boyfriend but his explanation takes the prize – someone who makes you laugh. I’m glad you had time to experience a different life with Arnie, but glad you knew yourself when to call a halt. I just lost my hubby of 57 years to cancer and appreciate so much your insight of what you went thru with your hubby’s journey. Thank you again.
Jo, I say ditto to all the readers of your blog above ..You know yourself better than anyone! I enjoyed seeing you having new experiences and some surprises that you hadn’t had those experiences before..so I too like to live my life vicariously through you ! Best wishes for good medical reports coming up ! Just know that you are loved by all your blog readers and support whatever you decide ! I do enjoy reading about you and your family ! That new boyfriend is awesome! I was just discussing with my 20 yr old granddaughter the fact that a boyfriend who makes you laugh is a keeper ! Bless you!