A Life Lost

Sometimes blogging is hard…I’ve talked about that some earlier this week.  Comments, expectations, demands, finances, and time all come in to play…but sometimes life comes into play.  I never know what’s appropriate to write about are some things too personal…where’s the line.  Then I step back and remember much of this blogging started as a diary or journal of sorts for me.  That’s where today’s post is taking me….on the personal side of things.

Tuesday morning our son Buck called me and told me that Jen had passed away.  Well he has two Jen’s in his life….Jen his boss and Jen his ex-wife so I asked for clarification.  He said Jen his ex-wife passed away in a car accident.  I was shocked.  WOW.  28 years old and gone.

Jen has been part of our life for awhile.  Buck and Jen got a divorce in February of 2016.  They had been married for 2 1/2 years and had dated about two years before they got married.  She was a part of the family for a good chunk of time.


When they divorced I knew it was probably the best thing for both of them.

They both moved on from there…Buck with Lora and Jen had a new person in her life too.  Both of them were happy with the change and moved on.

From time to time Buck would bump into someone from Jen’s family…it always went good.  We never wished any bad for Jen.

We are dealing with such an awkward mix of feelings….knowing she wasn’t part of our family and then now not part of the living.  I feel like we don’t have a right to mourn her as she wasn’t “our” family anymore but yet we do.

 

I’ve not dealt with divorce before this way.  It’s new territory for me.

I do want to take a moment in all this and give a huge shout to Jen.  When they told us they were getting married I asked them to think about what kind of quilt they’d like to make them.  Jen, knowing little about quilting, told me that she knew I would ask so she did some looking on line at quilts.  She wanted me to make “that wedding quilt with the two rings.  Did I know what that quilt was?”

Oh my.  Yes I knew.  She wanted a double wedding ring quilt.  I never dreamed that I’d be talented enough to make a double wedding ring quilt.  But…being the soon to be mother in law, I didn’t want to disappoint my son or his soon to be wife.  Then she asked for the non traditional colors of navy, white and gold.  I was at a loss.  I ended up tackling what I thought was the undo-able.  I made the double wedding ring quilt.  See?

Double+Wedding+Ring-1
I can’t thank her enough for giving me the gumption to try.  I’m so glad I did it.  She helped me get over a quilting hurdle.

I will always remember this as a happy moment…even though they didn’t stick together.JenandBuckQuilt
So today our family is thinking of her family.  Hoping they have the strength to go through the hard mourning.

38 thoughts on “A Life Lost

  1. Kim LeMere

    What a terrible tragedy for all those who knew Jen and for those lives that she touched. May her family find strength to deal with the days ahead.

  2. Jill Klop

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I do think you have the right to mourn her. She was a part of your life and your feelings are valid. Again, I’m so sorry…

  3. Ellie

    So sorry for your loss and Jen’s family grief. Such a sad thing for someone so young. Your feelings are valid because she was part of your family and while things didn’t last you still can have feelings about her.

  4. Terri in BC

    I’m so sorry for your loss. It is terribly sad especially when it is a young person. Just a note to say as a divorcee, my ex-husband’s family have always included me in as family and I them, and included me in the notifications when a death in the family had occurred. I believe given it seems to be a cordial split between Buck and Jen, you are entitled to mourn her as any family member would. I’m sure her family would appreciate the support and love as well.

  5. Ana Sweet

    Of course you have the right and need to mourn someone you knew and liked and at some point loved. It is a comment on the strength of the whole family that you are able to accept a change (divorce) and move beyond it. It is always so sad to me when people get stuck in bitterness. But this is not your path.

    I am sure her family would truly appreciate that you all still think of their daughter and can mourn with them. She was an important part of your family’s history.

  6. Colleen

    So sorry for your families loss. Family dynamics change but she became family and will always have a connection through your memories.

  7. Robby H.

    I think it’s always OK to mourn the loss of a life, especially a life that has touched yours and been meaningful to you or a loved one. I’ve mourned former teachers, co-workers and someone at church that I really only had a passing acquaintance with, because they were good people, left a positive mark in the world and were a fellow human being. I’m sorry for this loss to you and your family, and the feelings you might not be quite sure what to do with.

  8. Robin

    You have every right to mourn the loss of Jen. Love is love, it doesn’t matter is she’s no longer “family”.

    Your quilt is absolutely beautiful. I have a DWR on my list of things to do but that’s way out of reach right now. I never would have thought of using a different color than white but your quilt has got me thinking I might like red for the center.

  9. Mary-Kay

    So Sorry for your loss. She was a part of your lives, kind of like a distant relation. When my brother passed away last year, his ex-wife was very much a part of the funeral. They had 4 children together and 4 grandchildren. I think his ex-wife mourned his passing as they had a wonderful life while they were together.

  10. Debbie B

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Loss of a life is always a hard thing to deal with. I’ve lost 2 friends in the last week and a half. Prayers for all touched by Jen.

  11. Colette

    Oh you have a right to mourn her. Even if she was not part of the family anymore you loved her as a daughter at one time–that is the great thing about love. God gave us an unlimited capacity to love, even when things don’t work out. I am sure that Buck is mourning her also. Divorce is one thing, the other person dying is a whole different matter. He will mourn her also, my daughter mourned the death of her ex husband. I am so sorry for your family’s loss.

  12. Karen

    of course you mourn her, it might be in a different way then if she was still your daughter in law , but you still mourn. I was so sad and cried when a former sister in law died even though the divorce between her and my brother was for the best, we had shared some special times – silly times, fun times and then sad times —

  13. Stoney Monte

    Sadness over a young woman’s death is something we all understand. I appreciate that you shared your honest feelings with us, your blog family. I remember when you worked on that quilt and i felt proud of you. So tonight I feel sadness for this loss and gratitude for you and the way you show up in the world. I know you will be there for Buck as he works through his feelings, too.

  14. Joyce in Oregon

    Jo, I’m so sorry for your loss. Jen was part of your family, albeit briefly, so it is absolutely appropriate to mourn her and the loss of her short life. Let your heart guide your next steps… you’ve got a great one!

  15. Janet

    How sad for her family. Tragic. There’s no rules for mourning. I feel bad you think you don’t have the right to mourn her. We can mourn many things from loved ones, dreams that didn’t pan out, job loss , or whatever. Mourning isn’t restricted. She was important to your son for many years. Together or not there’s still history and I’m sure he’ll remember her and their time together.

  16. Nell

    Wishing I were closer, so I could help you through this tough time. Sending prayers and love your way.

  17. Bernadette

    So sorry for your family’s and her family’s loss. You had connections for several years to have shared memories. It will take time to grieve, and different for everyone. Prayers for all involved.

  18. Susan the Farm Quilter

    I am so very sorry for the loss suffered by both her family and yours. She is obviously still in your hearts, and as such, you have a total right to mourn her passing! Collette was right that God gave us an unlimited capacity to love, and love her you still do. I’ll be praying for your family, and hers, as this is such a difficult time for you all.

  19. Betty from Canada

    Sorry for your loss. If you feel like connecting with Jen’s family by all means do. They need all the support they can get right now. It will show them that you still have good memories of Jen.

  20. Lisa B

    I’m sorry for the loss of Jen. I’m glad she was a part of your life for as long as she was. Having gone through the grieving process myself these last few years I’ve learned there’s no right or wrong way to go through it. You feel what you feel. And it lasts as long as it lasts. There’s no set time limit. Prayers for you, Buck, and Jen’s family.

  21. ShirlR

    Of course you have a right to mourn Jen. I was shocked and saddened when I just now read your post, as I remember your posting the wedding pictures of that happy day. She was a part of your life and a part of your sweet family and even though a divorce later happened, I know you loved her. Lisa, in her comment above, is so right. I lost my dear, beloved husband 5 years ago, and the tears still flow. So let yourself grieve for Jen and also cherish the time she was part of your family. My prayers go out to Buck, your family and her family for this tragic loss of such a young life.

  22. Donna

    I’m so very sorry for the loss of Jen – to you and her family. She was part of your family if only for a short time but still a part. Prayers for you and your family as well as hers.

  23. Karla (threadbndr)

    Prayers for you, for your son and for his ex-wife’s family. And hug on the new woman in his life so she knows that just because you miss and mourn for Jen, that doesn’t mean your (or Buck’s) love for her is any less. Love is complex and sometimes messy. Just like life.

  24. ColleenM

    Thoughts and prayers to all. Jen was still family even though she wasn’t your daughter-in-law anymore. So sad.

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