On Monday night I took Ruby on a walk. It’s easy when I’m walking to end up at the cemetery. It’s only a turn from the path I usually walk…this day, I felt it appropriate to go. It marked the three month mark. Can Kramer really have been gone three months? It can feel like months….It can feel like days.
I stopped by Kramer’s stone and then walked the length of the cemetery. When visiting the cemetery it’s easy to see I’m not alone in grief. At Kramer’s stone I see that Kelli must have been there and left wildflowers for Kramer. I see decorated graves. Someone out there is thinking of their loved one the way I think of Kramer. I see the markers of some people I know. I look to one and see she been a widow for a long time. I do the math. Her husband died when they had been married 30 years. I get a little hope. If she can do it, I can to. She’s a great role model on how to be a widow. Doing the math again, I can see that it will soon be 30 years she’s been without him. I can’t image getting to that point in grief.
It’s hard not to be sad yet it’s easy to feel comforted. So many of these stones represent someone who has passed but also a family who was left to mourn. Often times, families who were left to mourn twice. Once for the mother, once for the father.
Then there are stones of infants lost to early. Does the mourning for that loss life ever end? The stone from a teen, gone to soon. How does a family not wonder “who he would have been”?
I don’t want to dwell too long. It’s good to not feel alone..but I don’t want to drown in sorrow either. There’s a fine balance.
About then I decide that I should probably get home. There’s work for the living to do beyond grieving.
I turn and way to the end of the cemetery are two deer. I think about the size of spring fawns. I zoom the camera in the best I can and snap a picture.
Slowly I move off the main path and walk towards Kramer’s stone. The deer stay watching me close….
Just then Momma deer comes and one obedient little one runs to Momma. See?
The other..the rebel of the two, I’m sure, stares me down….me at Kramer’s grave…him on the path.
I hate to disturb him so I start circling wide and towards the gate, Ruby is on hyper alert and doesn’t want to go. Just as am ready to go through the gate, Ruby get stubborn and turns back. I turn back too. The deer is still there….watching. I pull my camera to take one more picture, I look down to adjust it, look up, and the deer is gone.
It was just one last glimpse and like that, he was gone.
Thanks for the visit is all I can think…and I take Ruby and walk home.