Social Media…Where to end?

I’ve been doing a big debate lately.  It’s been a hard debate for me too.  Where do I end what I share?  How much is too much to share and how much is not enough to share?

Periodically I get people who send me a friend request on Facebook.  Often it’s after I share something on line or have something published.

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I don’t know these people.  They saw a quilt I posted on a Facebook group and want to connect with like people so they friend me.  Some might be blog readers but I don’t know the person personally.  That has left me not “friending” them and ignoring the request.  For those of you who don’t have Facebook let me explain a bit.  Someone sends an invitation to you because they want to friends with you.  You have the option to friend them or to not friend them or to ignore the request.  I have ignored these.

Well since the quilting retreat I have gotten MANY new friend requests.  Most of them are from people who attended the retreat. If you sent a friend request, please don’t feel offended that I didn’t accept. I’ve met these people and I really wouldn’t mind being friends with them…and here’s where the debate comes in.  If I friend someone, they end up with the ability to see and learn a lot more about my family….about my other personal friends…about my likes and dislikes of companies…of politics….of everything.  They can know if a President Trump things comes up on Facebook and if I liked it or didn’t like it.  They know if I wrote a comment on my cousin Theresa’s wall.  They can see if I wrote a sympathy note to my friend on the passing of her father.  They can see if I wrote on the wall of one of my childcare kids or pasted pictures of my childcare kids.

Here’s an example.  The other day Kalissa called me and asked me if Kelli was pregnant.  I said- if she is, she didn’t tell me, why?-  Well it showed up in Kalissa’s newsfeed on Facebook that Kelli “liked” Clear Blue Pregnancy Tests on Facebook so Kalissa jumped to conclusions that Kelli must be pregnant….(she’s not as far as I know)…BUT can you see how having friends on Facebook really opens up to people knowing a whole lot more about me…about my family..about my childcare families?

I am friend on Facebook with a few people who I originally met through the blog like Connie.  Connie has been to my house.  We have met in Rochester and went for lunch.  I have met part of Connie’s family.  Connie has now met all of my immediate family.  Hubby has cooked for her.  I know Connie on a personal level.  My kids know Connie too.  I feel comfortable with Connie knowing anything about me and my family…even my extended family.  I’m comfortable with Connie seeing the remarks my kids write on my wall.  Connie has met most of my childcare kids.  I’m okay opening up the next level.

I’m not there with others yet.  It doesn’t mean I won’t be.  It means that right now I still feel the need to keep the people around me close.  I don’t want to expose my childcare kids anymore than I already do.  I don’t want to expose my political or religious beliefs.  I don’t want my new baby great nieces picture to show up on the Facebook feed of people who are acquaintances of mine.

If you sent a friend request, please don’t feel offended that I didn’t accept.  It’s not that I don’t want to share my life with you…I just want my friends and family to not end up on your Facebook feed.  I choose to be in the spotlight and open up my life via the blog.  They did not.  I feel it’s the best way I can respect their relationship with me.

I know a lot of other bloggers allow people who are readers to be their personal Facebook friends.  I’m so glad they do and feel comfortable with doing that.  Everyone really has their own definition of privacy and it’s okay if they all are different.  I think I may be a little more over protective because I have the childcare kiddos.

The good news, we have a Facebook page for Jo’s Country Junction.  You can find it right here.  If you like and follow that page, all of the blog posts that I write will automatically show up there.  Occasionally I write more there too.  You can also follow me on Instagram.  There I do add more day to day things…  you can find me at jo_joscountryjunction –  follow Kelli too at kelli_joscountryjunction.  Personal things are there but you don’t end up seeing everything of personal friends and family.  I actually like Instagram a lot!!

I hope everyone understands…

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28 thoughts on “Social Media…Where to end?

  1. Chris Wells

    In my opinion it is your Facebook ofr blog or what ever social media yiu use. It is up to yu to choose who sees what…. You are entitled to your opinions and family is just that your family. I agree with what you have said. Thank you for standing up and let others know. Chris

  2. The Eclectic Abuela

    I understand! I try to keep my friend list very short, so the things I want to see from family don’t get buried in the news feed. I’ll check out the Country Junction page–that seems a good way for you to handle all the extra people without invading your own privacy.

  3. Bobi

    This is one of the reasons I don’t use FB. I love reading your blog and enjoy what you share but I totally understand that what I read is on YOUR TERMS. You should never feel pressured to share more than you want or become friends with someone just because they read your blog. Everyone needs to set their own boundaries and everyone else needs to respect them. End of discussion.

  4. Jill Klop

    I don’t blame you one bit! You need a private life too. You are generous with what you share, but it’s what you choose to share. I even thought your explanation was kind and generous! I hope you don’t get any push back on this. I’m always afraid people will be ugly, and then we will lose you!

  5. Paula S.

    I agree with you Jo! I have had people want to “friend” me on Facebook and I turned them down because I don’t know them at all. They are friends of friends and I’m not comfortable with strangers knowing about my life. My Facebook friend list is short and there’s a good reason for that!

  6. Karen

    totally understand. My facebook feed is for family only – and sometimes what I say ends up being “liked” by a friend of a family member – or maybe someone they do not even know. Today my daughter and I were just saying enough already – know when not to post something on facebook. A friend of my niece just wished my sister in law prayers and hoped she was ok — what! is my sister in law sick and I didn’t know it – I sent her text “are you ok” – turned out her father is in the hospital and she is stressed out – well it sounded like she was very sick and needed prayers! People have to have a limit on what is posted – I would delete my facebook page if it wasn’t for having such a large family and it is a way to keep up with everyone – like who you want and don’t worry about the rest of us.

  7. Robby H.

    Understand?! Good grief, I’m not even on Facebook. Everyone should still get to decide their own level of privacy, some people don’t seem to know what that means. I hope this is not causing a lot of hassle for you.

  8. Stoney Monte

    Jo I feel the same way about opening up my personal life to outsiders. You make the decisions you need to for you and the rest of us will understand that we have the right to do the same for our life. Enjoy your weekend!

  9. Ellie

    Makes sense to me. If people can’t understand that parts of your life are yours and not the personal playground for all then they need to learn! You share what you want on the blog and the rest of your life is for you!

  10. Jen

    There are various privacy settings on Facebook to avoid most of what you mentioned. I have those in place, but still do not accept requests from people that I do not know.

  11. JanetB

    Well said. I have eliminated some of my “friends” on FB because they are acquaintances rather than friends. I also have some friends that I would rather not know so much about their political leanings. Sometimes you just have to make choices and hope people respect them.

  12. Roxanne

    I’m not on FB but agree with all that people said about it being your choice and you are right to do what feels right for you. You are kind to explain and very thoughtful in how you said it. I’m just happy to read your great blog! Thank you!

  13. Joanne

    I agree with you 100%. I have gotten requests from friends of friends (and I’ve never even heard of them) or people in an online group when I have shared a photo of a quilt for instance on the group’s FB page. I do the same thing you do. It’s nothing personal for me either. And I would never be so presumptuous to ask a person who has a business page and I only know “professionally” so to speak, to connect with me on their personal page. Don’t give it a second thought. Just keep doing what you’re doing.

  14. Sue

    I have about 14 friends and family I “share” with on Facebook. That’s all. I agree with you wholeheartedly. I get friend requests also but I don’t know these people so I don’t accept.

  15. Linda in NE

    I’m kind of the same way with Facebook. I’ve been on for several years and don’t even have 150 friends on it. Most of them are family or connected to family somehow. The rest are people I’ve known for a long time with the exception of just a few. Somehow I still get news about a lot of other people because of the way Facebook works.

  16. PattiLynn9

    I don’t do facebook, but your guidelines sound reasonable to me. I think fb’s “friend” is a misuse of the word…but then nobody asked me. haha!

  17. Carolyn

    There are two ways to look at FB. Keep it general, nothing personal, watch what you share and comment on and you can be friends with everyone.
    If you FB is personal and you share what is happening with your family, in your life and express your opinions, then you need to choose your friends very carefully.
    I have two FB groups. One is my personal page and I am careful, don’t share anything too personal and use it mostly for quilting. But we have a private family page that is only family members and we can share things that are much more personal and share pictures that we all love to see but I don’t think would be for the general public… like a naked baby in the bath? And we can share health issues, travel plans etc. So keep your FB page for your friends that you know well and that way, you can be yourself and not watch every little thing you post.

  18. Janet

    I don’t use Facebook for just those same reasons. I think you can set more privacy settings to achieve what you want. As I was reading this I kept thinking why don’t you just have a business FB and then you mentioned it at the end. Good idea if you want to use FB. I just don’t understand the whole “look at me” aspect of Facebook. I call it Bragbook. It just seems like it’s not real life in the sense of life isn’t all rainbows and fairytales like people want you to believe their lives are. And really who cares what people are doing 24/7. People are vicious on Facebook too. I personally don’t think it’s a healthy environment for anyone. Perhaps it’s initial intentions were good but unfortunately it just blossomed into something not good. I just think there is WAY too much oversharing on Facebook. So I agree with you and don’t feel bad about not friending people.

  19. Donna T

    I completely agree with you! I get friend requests too from friends of a friend! I just delete them! My husband accepts anyone! Drives me nuts! Why be friends with someone you don’t know??? I use FB is to keep up with close friends and family!

  20. Mary Ann

    I totally agree with your thinking. I originally joined facebook to keep up with quilting groups. I do see family happenings if they post which is rarely and I never share what they post. Facebook is nice to keep in contact with people you do not always see but, if you do not want the world to know everything about you, it is best to do just what you are doing. Just my humble opinion.

  21. Carolyn

    I agree with you. I have a lot of “friends’ on FB who are really acquaintances. and I don’t accept friend requests from people just bc they are a friends w someone else. unless I actually know them. Still I spen too much time on FB

  22. Ellen

    I totally support your viewpoint and decision about FB. it’s YOUR FB page. No one should get upset if you don’t friend them. I too joined FB because the family younger generation said “I will not send you pics of the kids anymore. If you want to see them grow up you will have to go on FB”. I was a bit taken aback but it’s her life,time and $. So I joined FB.

    My view on FB? If you won’t put it on the front page of the local newspaper, you best NOT put it on FB. Eventually they become one and the same. (I don’t mean LITERAL you Jo.). RNs have lost licenses for life for posting about work. I see inappropriate postings with regularity because I see what friends of friends post.

    My security is as tight as FB allows and my profile has the minimum allowed datapoints. No marital status, job, schools….nothing that isn’t mandatory.

    Sorry, off that soapbox.

    Yea you for keeping your life the way it works for YOU!!!!

  23. Kathy D

    First off, I haven’t read all the comments on your blog today.
    I see no reason why you should friend “everyone” who has ever heard of you. I’m not even friends with all of my cousins. Some things are just meant for me to enjoy and not stress about who might read what I put out there. Maybe I don’t want to know all the drama in there life either.

  24. Myrna Roy

    I completely understand. I read this blog daily and feel like I know some about you, but you don’t know me from Adam. I wouldn’t expect you to accept a friend request from me. I follow the Jo’s Country Junction FB page and enjoy it.
    Myrna

  25. pam roever

    I don’t have a lot of friends on FB because I don’t want to. I am on FB mainly for any groups I am in or follow blogs etc. I don’t care what others are doing in their lives. If I do, then I have friended them. Your fb page so you can friend anyone or no one. I also don’t like some pages where it says to add people. Why would I want to add someone when I don’t even know if they would want to be added. Love your blog Jo. I follow Country Junction on FB. I don’t need to have my nose in any of your personal business. :)

  26. Diana

    totally understand, just wanted to mention that I don’t comment much I really enjoy yr bloq and what you post about family, friends, quilts etc, I’ve been a sewer for many many many years and had been in a funk but your posts were part of what inspired me to get back to it since my forced retirement. I finished a couple ufo’s and started on a new project. thanks again for a wonderful blog

  27. ColleenM

    Jo,
    I agree with you. When Facebook first came out I thought it was interesting but the more I thought about it the more I thought, “no, the government knows enough about me already, I’m not going to post MORE personal stuff online for the world to see.” I know you can have it “private” but my life is MY life and that’s the way I want to keep it. Makes me sound like a conspiracy nut…but whatever! I do enjoy the stuff you put on your blog but I don’t want to know anything more than you want to tell:)

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