My Wednesday…

What a day.  I had every intention of sitting down at naptime and writing a blog post for evening publishing, but that didn’t happen.

I have one guy at naptime that won’t settle down enough to fall to sleep.  I have been sitting with him but I’m giving that up.  If he doesn’t want to take a nap, as long as he stays quiet and in his place, I’m letting him stay awake.  I talked with mom and we both agree…but today he was a handful at naptime.

I had a full house of kids.  Kalissa is back to work 2 days a week.  She teaches for clinical sites for the local community college nursing students.  It’s a good paying job and she doesn’t want to miss out so being it’s only two days a week, she went back to work.  That means I have baby Gannon and Carver at childcare too.

Kramer went to work!!  Today isn’t the first day.  He’s gone out a couple days for a couple hours.  This picture documented the first day he went out.  That was about a week ago.

He needs to get out and he was able to do a few things that weren’t too taxing.  He doesn’t have short term disability insurance and it’s now been over a month that he hasn’t worked.  I worry that he tries to do too much being he doesn’t have an income.  UGH.  It’s a terrible cycle that he worries about us and I worry about him.  It’s all part of the cancer diagnosis.

On top of all that…we found out our health insurance is changing.  It’s a terrible time for it to happen but there was little choice on his employer’s part.  With my cancer from before and now Kramer’s issues, the premium has skyrocketed.  It’s going to a higher deductible…not outrageous, not catastrophic insurance but higher than what we had.
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The worst part, it renews annually and the renewal time is May…which is mid cycle of Kramer’s radiation treatments so…we get a credit for the deductible we’ve already met but we no longer will have met our family out of pocket so we go back to paying.  UGH!  At first I did a huge panic but then got a copy of the policy and worked myself through the changes…I feel some better now.

Worst of all for the day…news from my niece Jody.  Many of you know that Jody is fighting her third round of cancer.  Jody and I have been close.  She’s more like a sister to me.  She got news we all weren’t hoping for….Even though she’s been going through treatment since December, the cancer is growing.  You can read about it here on her blog.  This just makes me sad.  Jody is such a wonderful person.  I feel terrible that she has to go through this.

So…you can imagine that when I sat down to write a blog post, it was a little hard to find much to say that was good or happy….It was just not a day I wanted.

I thought about not writing anything and for awhile I just surfed the internet in a state of “brain rot” trying to find something happy to say…but real life isn’t always happy.  Then I remember so many people saying they liked the blog because “I keep it real”.  Well today was “real”.  I also always say that I think of my blog as my diary ….well, all of this is real-all of this is diary worthy.  All of this is what cancer looks like.  All of this anyone else would write in a diary.  So I started writing….and now I’m out of things to say so I’m going to close.

I’m okay.  We’re okay.  We’ll be better.  Wednesday was a rare day when it was hard to see beyond the yuck to the good.  We know the good is there…we’re trying harder to find the good today.

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29 thoughts on “My Wednesday…

  1. Chris Wells

    When my son was diagnosed his Sister in law started a GoFundMe account for trip expenses and household needs. Then the Fire Department he is working for had a Spaghetti Dinner. That went very well. He like Kramer is known by all the area fire department personal. Maybe your family can get a boost by suggesting this to the kids. Your choice, but people want to help and don’t know how to.

    Sorry to here about your Niece. Thoughts are with all of you. Chris

  2. Lisa B

    I, too, have thought of a GoFundMe account. I know the Fund takes a percentage but… and I agree about the fire dept. dinner idea. In my small home town an account is opened at one of the local banks or Credit unions and an ad is placed in the paper, notices on Facebook by friends, etc. and people can donate directly. The bank teller asks for my name and if I pay cash I can be anonymous or tell my name and I usually receive a thank you.

  3. Dee

    You were on my mind yesterday when I sent you the pic of my quilt. I wish the best for you and your counsin.

  4. Paula N.

    I’m thinking the same way as Chris and Lisa. None of your family asked for this to happen. You are all good, hard-working people who could use some friendly help right now. Knowing you from your blog, I’m absolutely positive you would pay it forward. Heck, you already do with all the things you do. Take care and know that people you have never met care about your family.

  5. Ellie

    I’m glad you felt you could unload all the yuck to your diary/blog! When you keep it real with your readers you show us how important we are to you! Thank you for trusting us to understand. Life isn’t always happy and cheerful but we want to support you in any way we can. My closest quilting friend is struggling with lung cancer so I feel close to you as you travel this road. You and Jody and Kramer are all in my prayers.

  6. Sharon Runyan

    Prayers continuing for all of you. It’s a difficult journey that only those affected understand.
    I’m a 4 year breast cancer survivor & now we are dealing with my husband’s congestive heart failure & cirrhosis of the liver.
    If a go fund me account is set up, please share. ❤️✝️

  7. Gineen

    Hang in there

    I’ve read some amazing things about the Trans4 factor supplements.
    They have a FB group, “it’s not magic, it’s a molecule” for people who want information and those who are taking it
    Many people diagnosed with cancer have been taking it, with good results.
    It’s also in the American Journal of Medicine.
    Maybe that’s something you could look into, doesn’t hurt to try.
    You guys are amazing, and I wish you the best.

  8. Karen P

    I’ve heard it said that into each life a little rain must fall, but you and your family have had more than your fair share. I think that it’s about time for something good to happen to you. I’m glad to hear that Kramer (Roger in my prayers) is back to work. I can understand the need to be back in action, but, Kramer, ease yourself back. Don’t overdo it. You don’t want to take 2 giant steps back after gaining all of these baby steps forward. Praying that Jody’s treatment starts to turn around. We serve an awesome God. He can move mountains.

  9. Jill Klop

    I am one that does appreciate the way you keep it real. You are going through a lot and when you share, I know people learn from your experience. I don’t expect to get happy messages every day. I’m so sorry to hear Jody’s news. I’ll keep her in my prayers too!

  10. Katherine

    The kind of day you had is one none of us want. Something that I find helpful is to not focus on things that I cannot control. It is unfortunate that your insurance is changing in the middle of everything. I am a retired Oncology Certified RN and I worked in the pharmaceutical industry for the past 23 years on the development of new oncology drugs. And, I have a very rare type of cancer that I am being treated for.

    All this said, I cannot do anything about insurance coverage (Medicare has been excellent for me), I cannot do anything about my cancer not being curable and because of its rarity there are no FDA approved drugs. The drug I am receiving is a hope and prayer that it will help. What I can do is rely on Jesus for his grace and mercy, my hubby for the help he provides and live like I have 100 years left. Fortunately, I do not need fancy things like cars and trips and I am content to be home. We have only 1 son with a wife and 3 kids, so we do not see them often but they are there when we need them.

    I just want to say a couple things from my professional nursing and pharmaceutical oncology experience. First do not take any supplements or over the counter medication without the approval of your oncologist. Supplements and other products can interfere with your treatment. Reach out to the dietitians and social workers at the hospital they can help you with dietary advice and financial advice to manage the extra expenses your insurance change is causing with deductibles. The dietitian may help Kramer give up simple sugars that feed cancer. I did look at your cousin Jody’s blog and saw that they were eating sushi. Most of the time when patients are on chemo therapy that decreases the blood cells that fight infection the patient is informed not to eat raw foods like sushi and sometimes even raw fruits and vegetables. I hope your cousin is getting advice and help from her dietitian.

    I loved your YouTube Flosstube video. It is nice to put a voice with the words I read every day. Jo, you are a blessing to so many and I pray for the Lord’s grace upon you and your family. You, Kramer and the kids are beginning a journey that will not be easy, but with the Lord’s help you will make it through

  11. Debbie

    Hugs and prayers to you, Jo, Kramer and the entire family. No, your reader family doesn’t mind when you keep it real and share your life with us…if you can’t unload to us, who can you unload to…we never unload on those closest to us because they are already carrying a load with everything going on…so we’re here…your reader family, and we’re supporting you with prayers and other means…so whenever the need comes, unload, unload, unload!

  12. Barb

    Jo, Ask Kalissa to check with the pharmaceutical companies to see if they have a discounted rates for patients with financial need, once you know what medications Kramer will be taking. As an RN she will likely get further in the process than if you call. My sister had breast cancer, poor insurance and expensive treatments. Her daughter got on the phone and after a few hours and many calls, she got reductions for some of them and on for free. My other sister’s husband had cancer and she worked with the hospital to deeply discount his bills as they owed hundreds of thousands of dollars after several surgeries and long hospitalizations. It is a sad, sad thing that anyone has to face the stress of figuring out to pay for medical care but that is where we are now. Good luck!

  13. Pat Dearth

    Jo; I am glad you have this outlet to journal. Everyone needs to get things off their chest at one time or another. Someone else mentioned that there is a lot of people who have never met you who are keeping you in their thoughts and prayers. One day at a time.

    Sending. you and your family positive thoughts

  14. Lolazo

    Check with the provider, when I started radiation the co-pay was $60 per treatment. We don’t have the money to pay this so the provider referred me to a company that loaned us the money for each treatment with no interest and they set up a payment schedule that fit our situation. I have Medicare and supplemental insurance and it is still expensive. Medical treatments are outrageously expensive.

  15. Martha

    Jo, I am so thankful that you have the blog and are able to get it out there. I am very lucky to not have had cancer. I am thankful, but I know many who are fighting the same battle as you all. You are very important to me. I am so sorry for all of the problems, but you and Kramer are strong and resourceful. You have what it takes to whip these problems. I am so sorry to hear about Jody. I will continue to have you all in my prayers, and do what I can to help.

  16. Mary

    The first thing that came to mind about the ins. increase is that with Obamacare prior conditions can’t be taken into consideration with ins. coverage. That was one of the big benefits so someone who had past history would not be penalized. Perhaps your employer would agree to pay you the amount he would pay as part of Kramer’s employment perks and you could continue with the same ins. coverage until the treatments are finished. I know you might have to pay more than now but it might be something to consider. There’s also disability ins. which should apply while he is under trewtment. Having said all this I do know that states vary with ins. laws (I live in CA) so the last thing on this topic is my suggestion to check with your state ins. office or commission. If you know all this or it seems intrusive I apologize. I love hearing about your family and your quilting.

    I will pray for all of you (including your niece and her family). You are strong and you have a supportive community within, in your twon, and online. Enclosing a big hug!

  17. Maxine Corimski

    Hi Jo and Family. I’m sure you read this poem before. It’s a really good thing to read again on those days where the gloom overtakes the sun.
    What Cancer Cannot Do
    Cancer is so limited…
    It cannot cripple love.
    It cannot shatter hope.
    It cannot corrode faith.
    It cannot destroy peace.
    It cannot kill friendship(s).
    It cannot suppress memories.
    It cannot silence courage.
    It cannot invade the soul.
    It cannot steal eternal life.
    It cannot conquer the spirit.
    Author Unknown

  18. Sandra

    My heart goes out to you all. Fighting any illness is hard but having to worry about insurance must make it unbearable. I thank god everyday that I live in UK and we have National Health Service, it’s not perfect but it’s great for my family. Best wishes to you all xx

  19. Donna T

    Sorry you had such a bad day Jo. It’s good hubby goes to work as long as he doesn’t over do it. He must be going stir crazy sitting around all day. Spring is here so that will make things seem a bit better.

  20. `Sharon Hughson

    Jo, thanks for sharing the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. You and Kramer have been through a lot and it’s not over yet. You and your great partner have been wonderful through thick and thin. You will also get through this. There is no other choice. How you get through it is In your control. My advice (arrogant I know) is to keep talking to Kramer. Share your concerns about his trying to work too much too soon. Or any other the other worries you might be having. He will hopefully open up to you too if you set the example. Trying to protect the other person is a disservice both to you and him.

  21. Sandie

    Rather than a GoFundMe account- look into Caring Bridge. It’s a similar concept, but designed for medical and family needs funding and I believe they are either a no or low percentage fee site. Wishing Kramer and Jodi successful treatments..

  22. mary

    Oh my goodness. Any one of those happenings is traumatic and tears at the heart. You are such a strong woman to hold this all together. Thank you for sharing all of it. I hope you have a great day today (P>S> that really sucks about the insurance).

  23. Linda Vipond

    With Obamacare, our deductible was so high, we didn’t go to the doctor for three years. What a nightmare to pay tons for insurance, but can’t afford to use it! Finally on Medicare and it’s more reasonable. Hubby then discoverd to have prostate cancer that has spread AND kidney cancer (unrelated to the prostate cancer. Some days there’s not much to be positive about. Those days I listen to Christian music or recorded sermons and pray. Prayers for you and your hubby and niece. One day at a time.

  24. Marianne Barta

    So sorry for such a sad day — and just overwhelming of all the goings on. Continued prayers for your family and you. Hugs

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