My Point of View: After Care

For those of you who are newer readers here, my husband died on June 2nd of this year from lung cancer.  Periodically I write a post about what it’s like to be a widow.  This is one of those posts…

Shortly after Kramer died, we went to the funeral home to make funeral arrangements. While we were there the kids and I all filled out paperwork giving them our names and addresses.  I thought nothing of it.  I figured for me it was for billing and I guess I didn’t even realize the kids had given their addresses.

Well the funeral came and went and then started the emails.  Day #10 in your grief….week #2 of your grief.  I was getting emails with “things to think about in my grief”.  Ugh.  They just bothered me but I couldn’t put a reason on why they did.  These were from the funeral home.

Emails started coming from the hospital, “living with the death of a loved one”.  Ugh.  These bothered me to.

Then phone calls started coming from hospice.  “How are we dealing with the death”.

Again these bothered me but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

Finally I sent an email back to the funeral home and asked that they quit sending them.  I don’t want to say “I was trying to move on”…I think I more wanted to be in control of when I was thinking about Kramer passing away.  I would think I was having a good day.  I’d sit down at naptime to check my email and then bam…there was another email and it was another reminder of Kramer being gone.  A time or two I ended all teared up in the middle of my work day.

I finally decided that I didn’t want the emails coming anymore so I emailed the funeral home and asked that they stop.

I completely and totally understand that for some people, these mailings helpful.  For me, it just wasn’t.  I understand that for some people they need to read the words the email offered to help them on their journey.  For me, it felt like an invasion of privacy.  For me, I work to keep things at bay until there is a “right” time for me to think about Kramer.  For me on the weekend I often play old favorite songs of his.  I think of silly stuff he used to do or say.  For me, the worry some have about after death, just isn’t there because of my faith.

I don’t want the mailings sent to me….and of course, all of the things were timed to certain events “3 months after your loved one passed”…”on your loved ones birthday”.  Rather than comfort me, these often made it harder.

Well…we got the latest one, “6 months after your love one passed”.  Apparently, from the words on the cover of our recent mailing we’re up to book #3 now.


We also got the phone call from hospice.  Kalissa got her six month call first.  She had worked the overnight nurse shift in the ER and was sleeping.  The call came, she answered it to hear the voice on the other line announcing who they were and “how was she doing after her Dad’s death”.   It was not the way to woken up….not the way at all.

My call came a couple minutes later to me in the middle of doing childcare.  UGH….”how was I doing after my husband’s death”.

Oh my word.  I actually had been doing just fine until they called.  I was already aware that my husband died 6 months ago.  I knew the day he died.  I knew the day we buried him.  This call felt invasive to me.

After I hung up with her, Kalissa called me.  She explained what had happened and how she had been woken up.

That’s when I decided that I was over it.  I didn’t want the phone calls anymore, I didn’t want the mailings.  I still couldn’t quite figure out why.  All I knew is that I didn’t want it anymore.

So I called the hospice.  I explained my situation and they forwarded me on to the gal that called.  I was super polite…but assertive.  I explained again who I was.  I explained that I thought they had a lovely support line but I didn’t want it anymore.  I asked that Kalissa and I both be taken off their list of people to call.  We felt comfortable where we were and didn’t want the service.  The lady then said to me, “Well when I called you this summer, you seemed okay so I guess we can do that.”  What??  That kind of threw me for a loop.  Last summer she called.  I was in the middle childcare.  I had the kids in the house trying to get them outside and other half was already outside.  All I knew is I had to get the lady off the phone.  So she asked how I was doing and I told some good days and some bad and more or less hung up.  I was working.  Seriously, how could she know how I was doing from that minute conversation??

The lady is nice…the program is nice for some but not me.  Still I couldn’t figure out why it was all bugging me.

Later that day Kalissa came for supper.  We were talking about it and I told her I felt like companies contacting us almost made me feel they were commercializing Kramer’s death.  Rather than making me feel comforted, I felt totally uncomfortable.  I said to Kalissa that I’m smart enough and know that the card the funeral home sent on Kramer’s birthday that was signed by all of the employees was done something like this…

A meeting was held of the funeral home workers.  While the meeting was being conducted, a stack of cards were passed one by one to the employees sitting at the table.  In turn, each one signed a card and passed it to the next person until there was a stack of 25 or so.  The secretary took the cards to her desk and put them in a spot.  When her computer calendar gave her a notice 5 days before Kramer’s birthday she pulls a card from the stack and addresses it and mails it to us.

I’m pretty cynical about things like this and hate commercialism, but I’m guessing this is how it’s done.  This doesn’t feel comforting to me.  It sounds like a business trying to make our family feel like they are still thinking of us when in reality if I walked in the door, no one there would know me.  I feel like it’s just a advertisement tactic they do to get my family to use their services when I die.

Kalissa said if someone really wanted to be helpful and make us feel like they cared a better tactic would have been for the hospice nurse who took care of Kramer to have written us a personal note and sent it 6 months after his death rather than a phone call which catches people at work, or for Kalissa sleeping after a night shift.  She could have said, “It was a pleasure working with your family.  I want you to know I will always remember how your family came together and supported Roger in his wish to die at home.  I hope your family is doing okay.  If you need any help or counseling from us, feel free to contact me and I will get you in contact with our support staff.”

That feels so much warmer to me.  If puts us in contact with the nurse who actually came to our home.  I have no idea who Betty is (the gal from hospice who called us)  No way would I have talked to her about my feelings about Kramer’s passing.

So…I ended up calling everyone who has been contacting us to check up on us on “our grieving process”.  I asked them to take us off any list they have that is a means of contacting us…no letters, no emails, no phone calls.  I did it all very politely.  I explained that I understand that some appreciate the service but that we were doing okay and requested that they no longer contact us.  Every single time I did it, the person on the other end of the phone seemed a little shocked.  Maybe other people don’t do not request this and I’m the oddity.  It’s okay if I am.  I don’t mind.  I need to do what is right for us.

I think I can finally put a finger on what bothered me about it all along….I think in their efforts to seem to be caring, they lost a personal human touch.  They all knew his date of birth…they all knew the day he died, they could get a computer to generate the the 6 month anniversary reminder to them of his death telling them to do a mailing or phone call, but no one could take the time to write the note that said, “He had one of the neatest funerals we can ever remember.  We haven’t done one with the fire trucks before.”  The hospice note didn’t say, “I thought it was so funny when Roger offered me a beer”.  There was a computer date that generated the standard pamphlet #3 but there was no real person-no real sentiment  behind it.  For me that made his death commercialized and I didn’t like it.  I feel so much better that I had them stop it all.

Like I said in the opening, this is all just my feelings and my thoughts.  I am sure that many people, even lots that read the blog, have been comforted through such contact through the funeral home, cancer center or hospice.  I am so glad you that they did.  I do believe that for some, this could be a really good service that does help them as they grieve.  For me, it did not help.

I hope if you to are grieving, if you want the services, you continue them but I also hope, if you are like me and find them invasive that you call or email and have the services stopped.  However you want to grieve, you should be able to, as long as you doing it in a healthy way.

..and that’s my latest installment on widowhood.

54 thoughts on “My Point of View: After Care

  1. Elle

    Honestly, it all sounds very strange to me. I’ve buried both my parents, a brother and a brother-in-law all before I was 50! Never a card, call, pamphlet. I would likely have hit the roof with calls from strangers. When I needed counseling, I got my own.

    You were very civil in your requests. Good for you for taking care of yourself!

    Hugs to you and yours. I hope you find some joy in this Christmas season.

  2. Joy

    I agree with you 100%! I never had as much invasion of privacy as you, but the “how are you doing since your husband passed?” comment could quickly turn what had been a very good day into a bad day. I think the worst thing was when my mom sent flowers to my workplace on what would have been our anniversary. Her heart was in the right place but it just made the day worse.

  3. gayle r tucker

    I am sorry you are so cold about something people were trying to do to make you feel as though they could serve as a lifeline or connection if you needed that. Instead you just explained their contact was only acceptable if they worded their contact in an exact way to appeal to you. Hospice nurses are so busy but you think they should be the ones contacting you. Did you send a note thanking hospice for what they did for you and your family. Grow up Jo. These folks were doing the best they could. Don’t attack an honest effort.

  4. Anita

    I feel solicitations should only have been sent by mail to you and your family after the funeral as to whether you all wanted any info or counseling. Then it would be up to your consideration to reach out for help. We all seem to be losing our right to privacy now, and grief is a very personal matter. I’m sorry to read that you and your daughter have been plagued with these invasions into your lives.

  5. Donna T

    I have never heard of this before today. It makes me wonder if they are trying to help widows who have no support system.

  6. Jacomina

    I also got these monthly letters. We all did in our hospice widow support group. Basically these letters said that almost every reaction we might be experiencing was “normal”.
    The letters were a source of discussions among us, because at our weekly dinners (we continued to go out for Friday night dinners after the support group finished), we could re-assure each other that everything was “normal”.
    But what I remember, now, 20 years later, is that we genuinely celebrated whenever one of us was able to concentrate long enough to read and finish a real book. That was a milestone for us.
    Again, just my personal recollection

  7. Dorothy Borders

    Hi Jo,
    I am someone who agrees with you. You hit the nail on the head. Those notes and calls would feel like the telemarketers and robocalls I get throughout the day. It likely would be comforting to some folks, but I like your ideas better. I’m happy for you that your kids are close to you too.

  8. Ruth

    I, too, think your ideas are better, Jo. A hospice nurse can be very busy, but I know from experience that such nurses do have down time while caring for someone. And the funeral home could have worded a card to show remembrance of the very different funeral that was done for Kramer! I totally agree. We all have the choice to accept counseling or to seek out counseling as needed. Best Wishes to you and yours!

  9. Toni Wood

    My mother and I were never close. She was a very stand offish person who forever told me she never wanted children. I however was the one she chose to have power of attorney and be her executor. She died while under hospice care and like you I was getting phone calls constantly. I finally demanded they stop and they actually did. I’m sure for some it is very helpful but not for the rest of us. Hugs to the Kramer family.

  10. Karin Callander

    Oh my gosh, maybe this is what they mean when they said, “we’ll follow you for the next year”. Oh, puhleeze, no thank you!! I totally agree with you, it’s an invasion of your privacy and peace! I’m glad you were nice, cuz they’re just doing what the corporate policy specifies, but stick to your guns! I’ll use your example if and when I get the first call, thanks for paving the way.

  11. Sherrill

    Oh gosh, that sounds awful. I think I got a few little booklets from my church but I just threw them away. I’ve been a widow over 7 years now (my DH died of brain cancer) and for me it hasn’t gotten much easier. I’ll still think of him a lot, miss him terribly and rail at God for taking him and leaving me. The family has all but disintegrated. Sounds like you’re doing well at this point in your widowhood. It’s the ‘day at a time’ and ‘one foot in front of the other’ to continue with a new way of living.

  12. Judy in MO

    Jo, I have a daughter who is a hospice social worker. I don’t know what their policies are concerning these follow up phone calls, but I am going to forward your post, just so she can see a different side of it. She is a very caring person, so she will give it some thought.

  13. Lorraine

    I’ve never heard of this type of thing but I would feel like you do, Jo. And shame on this Gayle Tucker who wrote such a rude reply.

  14. Sherri C

    I didn’t like Gayle Tucker’s comment about you growing up. Seems like a mean comment.
    You are a grown up, caring, wonderful person who writes from her heart and I so appreciate your honesty about your life. Everyone grieves differently and the holidays can be rough.

  15. Susan the Farm Quilter

    gayle r tucker needs to check herself! I wish I could reply to her directly! The way you grieve and the support you need is as individual as each one of us. As someone who has worked night shifts, a call like that in the middle of my sleep would definitely not be welcome. As someone who has also done daycare, that is an interruption you don’t need. As you pointed out, someone who doesn’t have the support system that you have, may welcome the calls. You don’t need the calls and by calling them all to let them know you didn’t need/want any more calls, emails or letters, you are freeing up limited resources to help those who need and want their attention. You are not cold and you didn’t attack them. You did point out (great idea, by the way) that a card from the funeral home on Kramer’s birthday would have been much better if it had been personalized, even just a little bit! And, yes, they want your business the next time there is a need for it. You are doing a great job at getting on with this new road you are on with your family. Keep doing it your way…it is the only way that is right for you!

  16. Paula

    Jo, my dad died in June, 2 hours before his 90th birthday. Many of the things your family was going through just before and for some time after his death really hit home with me and brought me to tears many times. Some of your comments about being a widow were spot on with my mom or had me wondering about things I could have said or done better to help her. She received the card from VA hospice signed by several people, and found it comforting. I don’t want to bring up bad memories, but I’m going to ask about follow-up calls and letters to see if she wants them stopped. There are so many things we don’t know about until we go through things like this and I appreciate your candor about your life. It’s helped me more than once. And to think I started reading this because you’re a quilter. Thank you!

  17. Ginny

    As I started to read your post today, I was thinking exactly what your feelings ended up at. Since my father died, I have received many mailings from different services and now it is at a point of shrugging it off, but early on it definitely felt very invasive. Good for you taking a stand and stopping things. Grieving is personal and as someone else mentioned, if we are struggling, we know how to ask for help.

  18. Rita C

    I agree with you Jo. Sounds like this is marketing to the nth degree. Really, how impersonal and invasion of privacy. I would wonder if my personal info was shared or sold by the funeral home.

  19. Cindy E

    You are a lot nicer to those who called than what I would have been. Like you said, a note would have been better, but phone calls are at their convenience and an intrusion to you. I really haven’t heard of anyone that I know who have received phone calls from the funeral home or hospice after their loved one has passed. I will have to ask some friends about it. I made arrangements for my parents and maybe received a letter from the funeral home informing me about groups concerning grieving.
    And as for the remarks from Gayle Tucker, they were uncalled for. If she appreciated calls like what you described, she could have said that.
    Thanks for sharing JO.

  20. Donna

    Jo I 100 percent agree with you. I lost my Mom after a 9 year battle and I don’t need anyone to remind me when it was or how long it’s been, especially a robotic type reminder. What I need some days is a REAL hug or an ear to hear how much I miss her. Once in a while someone to cry with would be nice. Most days I’m fine but a robotic card or phone call would not help me. I have gotten to the point I don’t give out my address or email or phone number to businesses. If I need them I’ll contact them. Otherwise just let me live my life and grieve my way.

    You are doing amazingly well I think. Don’t let the negative Nellies get you down. Until someone has walked in your shoes they can’t know how you feel or what you need. Do it your way and you do it with such kindness and grace. You are NOT the one who needs to grow up!

  21. Rosemary Koslap

    I couldn’t agree more! Our funeral home didn’t do that when mom died but the hospice did. It drove me crazy. I’m capable of grieving myself and I have a wonderful support system with my daughters and friends. I’m sure there are people who need this help but they should ask if you want it. A stranger is the last person I wanted to talk to. It took several requests to get them to stop. You should he allowed to move on in your own way!

  22. Judith Fairchild

    Jjo dear, when I lost my husband we received a note from hospice inviting me to call them if I needed help. Like you my faith in Jesus is strong and that’s where I go when help is needed. The phone calls and pre-printed cards are just tacky. The gal that called you cold and told you to grow up hasn’t been the recipient of such commercial”caring”. I am so glad you wrote this I can alert my daughter and family about it. Thanks

  23. Meredith

    After my sister died, I was very surprised and irritated when people told me what to think, and how to feel about her death. People who constantly wanted to hug me, because “that’s what I needed”. Very intrusive, and very annoying. While grief is a different path for all of us, it is an individual journey,
    Good for you, Jo.

  24. Sheila

    Thank you for another heartfelt and honest post. We all grieve differently and those different ways should be honored and respected. ❤

  25. Donna F

    I don’t think you out place. People in Ministry or service like you talked about are usually taught to wait for the person to step forward for help. They might ask how are you doing and remind you they are close by but not actually call or mail things without the person asking first. As you know everyone deal with grief differently. May you cherish Christmas memories along with making new ones with grandkids.

  26. June

    I’m so sorry Jo that your experience has been like this. There are many stages of grief and each person faces it so differently. I’m really not sure why it seems like they “ structured” this in your lives. Maybe by your actions they will rethink how they approach others. And save someone from unnecessary emotions. I’m so sorry.
    Hugs, j

  27. Nan V.

    Jo, I’m with you on this. I know exactly what you mean about these unsolicited calls and letters and booklets. I’ve taken care of all of my elderly relatives for the past 11 years, and have now lost all but one of them (my mom, who is 95). The constant barrage of booklets / letters / calls was just too much. And no matter what I said to them, they just never stopped! I would be doing fine, and then some booklet about what my current stage of grief should be just brought all of it back to me. The funeral home even wanted me to come to a special Christmas service and put my father’s ornament on their tree. The last thing I needed to do at Christmas was to go to a funeral home. Taking care of 7 different relatives in nursing care, hospices, and home care, dealing with Alzheimers and other various serious illnesses, and then continually having to get hit in the face with preprinted booklets and form letters telling me how I should be feeling about those I had already lost was just too much. I finally called the head of each company / nursing home / hospice / church and told them very bluntly that I DID NOT NEED THIS. Then I started sending the letters back stating addressee unknown. You did right to tell them what you wanted and needed. I think what they are doing is incredibly intrusive.

  28. Jackie Hicks

    Jo I totally agree with you. Those were totally commercialized actions and they should have asked you if you wanted grief follow-up care. Gayle Tucker needs to back off- that was a very rude comment.

  29. Sue

    Thank you for writing about your experiences. And, you were far more tactful than I would have been with the invasive comments, remarks, and material sent in the mail. Grief is different for each of us. And, many in these “industries” have no tact or true caring. You always inspire me with your strength and comments.

  30. Kim LeMere

    I did not know that this could happen to a person and I don’t think I would enjoy receiving all those mailings, calls etc. If I felt the need for help I think I would reach out for it, threw my church or a counselor. I’m glad that you were able to get in touch with those trying to be helpful and say stop, now I hope it does stop for you and the kids. Having a death in the family is a personal journey and how we feel about it is also a personal journey.

  31. Beverly Douglas

    Jo, I worked in hospice for about 20 years, as an RN and as an ARNP. The hospice Medicare benefit requires that hospice agencies OFFER bereavement services for one year after the death of a family member. The key word here is OFFER. At my agency, families were given a choice of how they wanted to be contacted and how frequently, as well as the kind of services they would like: phone calls, cards, group meetings, individual counselling. And if the family opted out of all services, that is that. Your situation does sound very impersonal, which is sad. My hospice agency is very large, average daily census of about 1200, compared with the usual of about 100 across the country. Yet our bereavement folks still manage to keep the personal touch by asking key questions in the first place, and working with the team assigned to the particular patient to keep things personal. I’m sorry you have felt so invaded. You were right to make the calls for them to stop. Hugs and prayers.

  32. Hedy

    I never received one phone call or one pamphlet from anyone after my husband’s death. I did receive a wonderful booklet when he went into hospice which prepared me for his death. You did what you needed to do for you, isn’t that all that matters : taking care of yourself.

  33. Stearns Carol

    you have to be careful nowadays not to give out the personal information. Once you do, they think it is okay to call. My husband works at the local Funeral Home but I dont think they do any of this. They do have a grief support group that meets but other than that, I’m not sure. Good for you to give it up.

  34. Renea Yarolim

    I would not like these kind of things either. Our son, 26 yrs old, passed away from brain cancer. No one needs to remind me of dates, events or ask how I am doing. Just like you said some days (or hours) are good and some are bad. People asking me how I am is just going to bring on the tears and waterworks. If I bring up something about Jacob that is fine but if someone else says something it sometimes throws me for a loop. My son left us in 2006 (leaving us with two grandchildren and daughter-in law). I did not receive any of these kinds of calls or cards, not sure if our daughter-in-law did as she has never talked about getting any. I am happy you were able to voice your concerns and to put a stop to what was going on. I am sure they thought they meant well but not everyone cares to have these things happen to them. Take care.

  35. Amy

    i understand completely. My father passed in Aug 2018. He was on Hospice at the time and in the nursing home. They kept calling and sending flyers. I was over it. I think of him every day. I don’t want or need the reminder of the struggles he went through to die. I had to call them and tell them to stop. They seemed hurt but that did not bother me. I was the one suffering. They will get over it. You did the right thing for you. Take care!

  36. Joan B.

    JO, I agree with your feelings. It is all so very intrusive into a private grieving. Been thru it with my father and mother. I had better luck reading what I wanted to on the subject of grief and caregiving from our library selection. The calls came at different times when I was working and would de-rail my day. So I say Amen! You described it perfectly and are not alone in your reaction. Best of all to you and I love reading your blog. Another Iowan,

  37. Cindy F

    When my father died I received a few booklets from my church and I appreciated them as they came with a personal note from one of the deacons. However, I would not have appreciated the repeated calls and notices you received from strangers. It would have been better if you had been asked at the very first one if you wanted further calls. Everyone has different needs and there is no one single right way to grieve. People should know that help is out there but it shouldn’t be pushed if it’s not needed and people should not be offended if it’s not needed either. Then it becomes about that other person and not you, the person undergoing grief. I’m glad you wrote this as something to be aware of for others.

  38. Kay

    Thank you for letting us know how you handled this sad situation. I feel you were so right in the way you handled all of this invasion of your privacy. I am keeping you in my prayers this Christmas season. Hugs to all of you.

  39. Elle

    Gayle Tucker, you are out of line. Judging someone else’s grieving is mean and not at all useful! You have obviously never had a perfectly good day ruined by an impersonal inquiry into “how are you doing with death of….”

    And seriously, there was nothing personalized in the contacts Jo or Kalissa received. So no, they were NOT doing their best! Nothing is more frustrating than “Curious inquiry” rather than those who genuinely know/care about us. The caring person would not contact Jo while she has children under her care nor Kalissa while sleeping after a night shift as a ER RN!

    If you can’t say something nice, say nothing at all! It’s a respectful model to live by.

  40. PJB

    The hospice nurse who took care of my grandmother kept in touch with my dad and his siblings for a short time afterwards. She was very caring and much loved by my family. I feel you should have the option of receiving/not receiving the calls. It is a business for those organizations. I too, feel no one should blast you for you’re decision to end the communication if you so choose. I did not think you were cold and you did encourage others to take advantage of the services if they were comforted by them. Kudos to you for being honest and for sharing your feelings so boldly.

  41. Carolyn Sullivan

    Good for you! for standing up for yourself. Nothing like repeatedly ripping off the compression dressing to see if you hemorrhage again.

  42. Terry

    Oh my….. there’s always one … and Gayle Tucker you are the one. Shame on you. Hope your face is red – it should be. Totally agree with you Jo – such an invasion of privacy even though well intended. Take care. Terry

  43. Diana

    First, I enjoy your stories and remarks on Kramer’s passing. I had lost my father a year before, so much of your story and experiences resonates with me.
    I am sorry everyone in their zeal to “care” overburdened you with communication. I was fortunate that our hospice center sent letters and cards and made minimal phone calls. However, had I been bombarded, I would have done the same thing as you. You are right to tuck him away and bring him out for remembrance on your terms. A day on a calendar of a disinterested third party should not destroy your day or your healing.

  44. Me Dryer

    Jo, coming from the UK…I find that so SPOOKY..The Hospice where my Dad died used to send a card towards christmas saying “we know you have lost a loved one……our Christmas memorial day is………
    You would be very welcome to attend” end of… Iagree with you that it sounds very commercialised. Luv and Hugs from the UK xxxx

  45. Me Dryer

    Jo, coming from the UK…I find that so SPOOKY..The Hospice where my Dad died used to send a card towards christmas saying “we know you have lost a loved one……our Christmas memorial day is………
    You would be very welcome to attend” end of… I agree with you that it sounds very commercialised. Luv and Hugs from the UK xxxx

  46. Rhonda Russell

    I agree with you Jo–it’s an invasion of privacy and another sign of commercialization in every aspect of our lives. I also see another problem: rather than opting in to services you have to opt out of them. When computers were first put into use, we opted in to receiving calls, letters, services, etc. and if you didn’t do anything, you didn’t receive anything. The problem was that most people didn’t opt in, so there wasn’t a way for companies to get our information. We have morphed into an opt out mind set: if you don’t opt out, you get everything and we get your information to continue to remind you of what we did for you so you will come back and spend more money. More people need to be assertive and simply call them and ask for all contact to stop. I worked the night shift like your daughter and the worst thing that could happen was to have my sleep interrupted for something that could have waited until I got up in the afternoon/evening! Prayers for you and your family that you are allowed to grieve in your own way without invasion!

  47. Jannette B.

    We lost my dad last Dec. 27th, and dealt with the local “family” funeral home. It had been run by the 3rd generation of a family when my grandparents and FIL died, Now the 4th generation is in charge, and it’s definitely a business as opposed to a “family business”. They offer all the right words, but don’t recognize us when we come in the week after dad’s funeral; and to cap it off, we got a letter from one of the female staff, talking about how wonderful it was to have met with us to plan dad’s service – and we hadn’t met her at all! They all have matching suits and ties (themed to go with the season), and they’re all very friendly and courteous, but the “feel” isn’t the same….
    Thankfully, we don’t get all the calls and notes that you’ve been getting!

  48. Judy

    Gayle r Tucker is the one that needs to grow up. This is your blog and you have the right to give your opinion. I totally agree with you on this. That is way over the top for them to keep calling and sending things without your permission. When my mom passed away we had an opportunity to have some help with grief but it was totally up to us and like you because of our faith we chose not to.

  49. Pingback: Feedback on After Care… | Jo's Country Junction

  50. Sandy

    I agree with you Jo. My father passed away during the night, and two doctor’s offices called the next day to remind him of his appointments. These doctor’s were ones who visited him the day of his passing. These calls sent my mom’s emotions in an unexplainable path. God bless you and your family. Thank you for your blog-it is priceless, uplifting and REAL.

  51. Sue Stringfellow

    I didn’t respond to your post at first until I read that you got some rude responses. Several years ago, my husband decided he needed to move out of our home- a kind of death of a marriage. I was struggling, so I went to therapist. He suggested I start going to church again. I went to a little church that I had attended in the past. Afterward, the therapist asked me how it went- I told him that the questions of the other very nice, well meaning parishioners seemed very invasive- I just wanted to fly under the radar at that time. So I totally understand your feelings.

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