Family Update

From Kalissa:

As the dust settles… It’s been a whirlwind of a week. I see people out and about working through the work week and it is hard to process that the entire world hasn’t stopped like ours has.

We are now collecting memories, flowers from the casket spray, copies of the obituary, writing thank yous, saving pictures from yesterday, collecting the pieces and putting it together into the foundation of life after Dad. It still hasn’t hit yet. There are reminders everywhere that he is gone. Carver will ask about him, Father’s Day is all over Walmart, the oxygen concentrator and feeding tube supplies are gone at mom’s house, it isn’t “mom and dad’s house” anymore, silly things he has said pop up into my Facebook memories.

As the wound is still fresh, I take comfort in knowing we did all we could for dad. We honored his wishes. Yesterday is exactly how he would have wanted it. The fireman and first responders honored him in such an incredible way. I will never forget their kindness and the respect the showed my dad. There seems to be two worlds, the one before and after dad. As much as it hurts, we will remain Kramer strong.

Mom should be back tomorrow.  She’s doing really good….just tired.  We all are.

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38 thoughts on “Family Update

  1. Candi

    Thank you for the update. I would like to say it gets easier with time, but honestly it doesn’t. It just gets different. Know that your family has touched many and “we” are here for you if ever you need anything.
    Love, hugs and prayers coming your way.

  2. Marty

    My prayers go out to you all. As you make this journey you will realize a new normal and those memories will be so very special! I lost my husband due to a car accident 3 years ago. You will find your pain is the same, you just cope better. And your father will still be everywhere you look in every room, every window and constant reminders he is still with you. Hugs to everyone ❤️❤️

  3. shoshana

    Kramers, its like a huge hole in the middle of the room, every time you walk pat, you fall in and then slowly slowly, you learn to walk around it….the hole doesn’t go away, i just stop falling into it each time i pass….that in itself can cause somje of us to fell terrible, but it’s ok and even the right thing to allow it to be ok…it will take it’s own time, in the meanwhile, we’re all here for you, caring…….

  4. Judith Fairchild

    Such a loving way for the friends to take your dad for his last ride. it means so much to have memories like this. I will miss your dad and I never met him except in your Mom’s blogs. love and prayer for all of you during this time of changes

  5. Donna Pheneger

    It truly will be hard at first – your dad will be everywhere. Just know that so many of us are praying for you, and keeping all of you in our thoughts.
    You have always been a strong, loving family and being as close as you are, you can hold each other up.
    Much love to all of you.

  6. Myrna

    “A new normal”…you may hear that term a lot, but it’s true. In time, your family will have a new normal way of life with lots of wonderful memories of Kramer. Give yourselves time to grieve, take one day at a time, and be kind to yourselves.

  7. Paulette Voit

    When my husband died from cancer, I could not understand how the rest of the world was going about their business as though nothing had happened. I was dying inside, and everyone else was fine. Took me quite awhile to get over that. Be Kramer strong together and you will survive. May God bless you all.

  8. Lori Sparks Douglas

    Thinking about you all! Rest, hang out together and heal. Roger was a wonderful man and I wish you all enough! You will honor him as you live with those precious stories/ memories you share with each other. Drive safely Kramers.

  9. Katy Sweigart

    I lost my dad two years ago this month after his battle with cancer. I still think of things in terms of “before and after.” The video gave me chills and tears. It was so similar to the last call done ay my dad’s funeral. He was a ham radio operator. Praying for all of you as you navigate this new normal.

  10. Robby

    The only thing I can offer is love to you all. Be gentle with yourselves, accept love and help from others knowing that while life does go on people know you’re hurting.

  11. Linda Hodges

    Thank you for the update. It’s quite a surreal time, almost as if you were looking through a window watching “normal” life go by but you are not really part of it. The hurt never goes away, but just gets easier to cope with as time passes or so I am told. It is six weeks today since my husband died but I’m still having little quiet times for tears. I know you are all such loving people and you will pull together with your Kramer strong motto. Love to you all.

  12. Jill Klop

    I’ve been so impressed with how you guys have kept us blog readers ‘in the loop’. I keep thinking how surreal this all feels. I teared up yesterday while watching the video and the sign out for Kramer and I’m just a blog reader. So, thank you for writing the posts. Take care of yourselves!

  13. Marilyn

    God bless all of you as you make your way in this journey… tears, laughter.. hugs..cherish the memories rest and restore

  14. Liz

    Jo so sorry to hear of your loss. There are no words of comfort. Just know you are in my heart. Hugs.

  15. Debbie B

    You have all done a beautiful job celebrating your Dad. I know it was and will be hard to carry on but you are all Kramer Strong. Keep the faith. Thank you for including us on your journey. Hugs!!!

  16. Amy

    I felt the same way about the world not stopping. Don’t they (the world) know that I am lost? I was the POA for my father for 2.5 years. In one day it all stopped. We lost him August 14. There are still days that hit me hard and there always will be. But there is a light at the end of the sad tunnel. Now when I talk about him it’s to laugh or smile. :) Even though I had nights of no sleep and major stress worrying about him and trying to make the best decisions for him. It was his journey and I did the best I could. In the end, he was at peace. I am praying for your family as you try to find your new normal. Peace and love, Amy

  17. Mary Ann Mettler

    Thinking and praying for you all – as others have said thanks for taking us along on the journey. All the comments above are very true. There are a lot of wonderful people reading this blog and we all feel the hurt and the sadness with you. Love to you all.

  18. peggy

    One of the biggest mistakes families make is not having “the conversation” and avoiding “the elephant in the room”…funerals are for the living and but we should all be able to honor our loved ones the way they would have liked…I think many people have regrets after someone dies because they are not sure what the deceased wanted…and it may cause the grief to linger…you did Kramer proud, you were able to talk about what was happening instead of sweeping it under the rug or hoping it would all go away…or that he would suddenly recover and life would go on as usual….You have a very strong family and your closeness will get you through this…(sorry for all the cliches!…love everyone elses comments too esp the one about the hole in the floor…)

  19. Laura

    I felt so fragile after my son died, like I was carrying around this invisible weight no one but me could feel, like I would shatter if one more bad thing happened. But eventually, that weight grew lighter. Time really does help. I wish you and your family peace, healing and the knowledge that your grief will diminish, but your love for your dad will not.

  20. Bobi

    Kalissa,
    You are so eloquent and wise beyond your years. You have described so well the feelings we all have when faced with loss. I lost my stepdad in early April and following Kramer’s journey gave me lots of strength some days. My Mom, like yours, also has cancer, so there’s still that to deal with. You’ll find the whirlwind will continue for awhile as there’s insurance, social security, changing the names on cars, utilities, etc. Take time to grieve and don’t feel guilty when the smallest thing sends you into a barrage of tears. Please know there are many of us out here unwillingly experiencing the same thing. Also know that by sharing your family’s journey you have helped untold numbers.

  21. Sheila

    Thank you for the update, Just take it one moment/ one day at a time. Your love for your dad was deep, so the hurt will also be deep. Just keep sharing the memories, hugs and love with each other. Sending love and prayer as you move forward.

  22. Tama Putthoff

    Dearest Kalissa, I admire and respect your strength. I know from experience you will likely rely on it in the days, weeks and months ahead. I believe in the power of prayer and will keep you, your siblings and especially your mom in my daily devotional that you all remain Kramer Strong for each other. Take care. Tama

  23. Lynne Nicholson from the UK

    It will soon be 37 years since my dad passed away with no warning. It will take time, but you will find a way to live your new normal. I still miss my dad, I always will, but strongly believe family is forever and we will be together again.

    Sending love and hugs to you all

  24. Jannette B.

    I’ve been keeping all of you in my prayers for a while, and will continue to do so. I lost my mom to cancer just over 7 years ago, and there are still days when I reach for the phone to call her, to tell her the funny things that my grandsons said / did, and then I remember… The pain has lessened, and the wonderful memories remain – and God was, and always will be, my comfort and strength.
    I’m glad that you’re all so close!

  25. Janet B

    Like many of your distance readers, I was with you all in spirit yesterday. My thoughts and prayers will be with all the Kramer family for the months to come. I know you will miss your Daddy as much as I miss mine.

  26. Diana

    You are a very strong family and it is amazing how you all joined together in time of need. You will always have each other while getting through this too. I love your family that I got to know on Facebook. What a inspiration you are to us all. Take care and God Bless You All. By the way I live in Fergus Falls, Minnesota in case you were wondering where my messages come from.

  27. Sandy Kahler

    I agree it is so hard when you lost someone and the rest of the world is happy and laughing. Inside you are crying and wondering why is everyone else is so happy. Your world stopped and everyone else’s world is going forward. Finally you find the peace you need to keep going . Peace to all of you.

  28. Micki Clemens

    All the above comments have been wonderful,caring, and just what I wanted to say to you. I have followed your mom for several years and was so upset when they both became ill. I felt devastated when your Dad died. But you are surrounded by so many lovely people. Just keep moving and supporting each other. I’m so thankful you are ” Kramer Strong ” . Hang on. It gets easier.

  29. Jean

    Dear Kalissa and All,
    As you mold a “new normal”, filled with life, laughter, tears, and wonderful memories of your Dad, hold tightly to each other. It’s different, so take it slowly. And allow yourselves the space you need. Know we are here for you if you need us. Thank you so much for always being so caring of your readers.
    -Jean ❤

  30. Elle

    I’m so sorry Kalissa. I buried my Dad because of cancer when I was your age. It is so stinkin’ hard. The Nurse in us understands the why and how but that doesn’t heal the heart. I’ so glad you have your wonderful husband, children, your family and your community to support you as you go up and down the emotional healing .

  31. The Joyful Quilter

    Sending more quilty hugs as you move from the blur of your father’s passing to the WAIT how can Dad really be gone stage. Hang onto the good memories with all you’ve got!!

  32. Ellen Foley

    Those of us who have followed this sad journey with you feel the loss also…but not as profoundly as you. I too lost my father to illness and it does seem like the whole world should stop and take note that a wonderful person has moved on, and our hearts are broken, and we are so lonely for them! But the world’s activity also gives us hope and strength to go on, and find happiness again. To find happiness is the greatest memorial we can give our departed loved one. Live a rich and happy life so you will have much to tell when you are together again on the other side!
    Feeling your loss in Vancouver, Washington
    MomE

  33. Shirley S.

    After my husband passed away I learned that grief is a journey and everyone grieves differently. There is not a rule book about grief or a timetable; take life one day at a time. Keeping your family in my prayers.

  34. Linda Rouse

    It is weird that your dad is no longer there. Time will not heal all. My dad has been gone 5 years now. It seems like yesterday. I was the only sibling at his side along with my mom. I will never forget that. I miss him terribley, still. The one thing I know for sure that he will always be in your heart and when it feels like he is right there. He is…..

  35. Kay

    55 years and it still hurts, so hang tough, relive the fun moments and learn from his wisdom.

  36. Susan the Farm Quilter

    The first year is so hard, with all the “firsts” that happen without your dad. It does eventually get easier, but even after 47 years after losing my little brother, it can still be gutting. Praying for you all.

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