A “Pam Ewing” Sort of Year

Do you all remember the television show Dallas?

Image result for dallas the tv show

I sure do.  I was a huge fan.  I was in highschool for most of my watching years.  There were so many reasons why I loved the show.  It was a soap opera set in the evening and I would watch every episode, often when I was babysitting.  I loved J.R. Ewing, as I remember the actor being in the television show “I Dream of Jeanie”.  I just loved all of the drama and action that comes with a soap opera.

Here’s what Wikipedia said about the show, “Dallas is an American prime time television soap opera that aired on CBS from April 2, 1978, to May 3, 1991. The series revolves around a wealthy and feuding Texas family, the Ewings, who own the independent oil company Ewing Oil and the cattle-ranching land of Southfork. The series originally focused on the marriage of Bobby Ewing and Pamela Barnes, whose families were sworn enemies with each other. As the series progressed, Bobby’s older brother, oil tycoon J.R. Ewing, became the show’s breakout character, whose schemes and dirty business became the show’s trademark. When the show ended in May 3, 1991, J.R. was the only character to have appeared in every episode.

The show was famous for its cliffhangers, including the “Who shot J.R.?” mystery. The 1980 episode “Who Done It” remains the second highest rated prime-time telecast ever.”

Oh my.  I so remember the “who shot J.R. Ewing” cliffhanger.  I was so into watching the show.  I was one of those people who bought the “who shot J.R. Ewing” shirts.  Do you remember these…

Vintage Dallas Who Shot JR? T-shirt TV Show Thrashed Distressed - Medium
Yep I was really into the show.  I watched religiously.  I so remember all of us going to school and asking “who do you think shot J.R.?”  Do you want to know what’s really funny.  To this day, I can remember the hype but can’t remember who actually shot him.

I quit watching after what is known as “the dream season”.  I checked with Wikipedia and that was season 9.  The plot for the show for season 9 was just bad.  People left the show-Bobby Ewing died in car crash…people were sleeping with people they shouldn’t have (worse than normal).  It was just a bad season.  Well I did stick around to see the first episode of season #10.

In that episode, the show starts with Pam, Bobbie’s wife, sleeping in bed…

Image result for dallas pam wakes up
…she wakes up and her husband… isn’t gone.  He is in the shower.

Image result for dallas pam wakes up
He didn’t leave her.  He didn’t die in the car crash.  The entire terrible last season didn’t happen.  She had only dreamed it.

The whole show and episode came back to me the other day as I was thinking back on the year I had.  I can’t tell how many times I think back and question this or that.  I sometimes think how did that all happen?  Did it happen at all? Is Kramer just at work?

About two weeks ago, I was thinking about the anniversary of finding out that my husband, Kramer, had cancer.  I’ll be honest.  I started wishing I was Pam Ewing.  I couldn’t help but wish that televisions show could be reality.  I couldn’t help but wish I was Pam Ewing.  I could wake to hear the shower running and open the shower door and see my husband standing there.

But alas, that was not my reality when I woke this morning.  The last year did happen.  My husband did die.

Today is the anniversary of Kramer finding out he had cancer…and was the start of the last 129 days I had with him.

A year ago, if I was to imagine where I would be on this day.  I never dreamed he would be dead.  That didn’t cross my mind for a moment.  I was sure we could kick it.  I was sure surgery would remove it.  I was sure this was just a bump in the long road we had together.  But, that was not to be.

I woke up this morning and learned I am not Pam Ewing.  The past year wasn’t a dream.

Love a little harder on people in your life today.  You don’t know if they will be here a year from now.  You don’t know if your days with them are numbered.  You don’t know, if like me, you’ll be wishing you were Pam Ewing.

32 thoughts on “A “Pam Ewing” Sort of Year

  1. Amy

    Wasn’t it Stephanie? I watched that too. I was 11 when my sister was born. My dad wanted to name the baby Jock. Thankfully she is a girl named Lisa. :) Good memories.

  2. Tina in NJ

    Jo, my condolences on your absolutely, horrible, terrible, bad year. Best wishes on your own cancer journey.
    Kristen Shepard, JR’s sister-in-law, shot him. Sue Ellen’s little sister, played by Mary Crosby. I think she might be Bing’s daughter.
    Did you know that Larry Hagman (J.R.) was the son of Mary Martin? She originated several Rogers and Hammerstein roles, including Maria in The Sound of Music.
    Now if I could just remember to finish the laundry!

  3. Nancy Davis

    Jo….I read your blog every day – I so relate to your experience this past year. On Feb. 2, 2017 we found out my strong handsome husband had Stage 4 espophageal cancer. One hundred twenty six days later on June 7 he was gone. I guess I thought he was invincible – 6’4″ tall, 230 lbs., had always been so strong and reliable. I thought he could do anything. Like you, I guess I just thought he would always be there. If anything went wrong, he could fix it. The kindest, most gentle man I’ve ever know. Sometimes, I too, think it was all just a bad dream – he’s just out somewhere and will walk through the door any minute. Sometimes, I too, just sit and cry. Other times I go on with life – that’s all there is to do. I’m still so thankful for the years we had, our 2 precious daughters and our grandson who’s turning 15 this weekend. I was so blessed to have him and so many questions still fill my head, but I know it happens to someone every day somewhere. God bless you and your family.

  4. Sharon Falkin

    So sorry for your heartache today and prays to you all. It is coming up on six months for me. I understand how much you miss him. 30 plus years leaves a hole in your heart.

  5. Hedy

    I understand. I had 67 days. He became confused and we thought stroke but it was a brain tumor. Had no clue he was ill. Had a MRI and that told us what to expect. A very bad dream for me. And yes, I watched Dallas too.

  6. Connie

    Love and hugs to you, Nancy Davis and Hedy and to all others others out there that have had a loss and a bad year.

  7. Jay

    My wife and I are almost through watching the entire Dallas series on DVD (for the 3rd time in 10 years). Our hearts go out to you.

  8. SusanfromKentucky

    Prayers for you today. I was just thinking myself (this morning) that it just doesn’t seem real that my husband is gone. Never should have happened. Horrible going out to find him laying in the front yard. That goes through my mind every night. It will be 3 years ago in May. Seems like yesterday.

  9. Carla

    I know you know this already, but God is keeping you in His hands, right now, and every minute. Your message of loving on those we have is so relevant. More than we can be aware that it is. For the record, I never watched Dallas. I don’t remember why lol

  10. Catherine Dorsey

    Thinking of you. As you were going through the ups and downs, My 29 year old son died on a PT run while ln dith kn the Nebraska National Guard. I was shock to see your husband had passed away. Its a learning curve for a of us
    But we are each others support system and I am thankful. Sending hugs and prayers your way.

  11. Susan the Farm Quilter

    There are times in our lives that the road we are on deviates so much from where we were the day before, that it becomes THAT time where things either happened before or after. I’m so glad Gannon and Georgia arrived during your 129 days and that Kramer got to hold them and love on them. Kramer Strong and drive safe.

  12. Myra M Cromer

    I know how you feel Jo, Feb 4 will be 18 years for me and it seems like yesterday and I still question myself, was there anything else I could have done so he would not have died. You are so Blessed to have your children close by, mine are scattered to the wind.
    I have moved on as far as life it’s self but at night being alone is the worse part, 18 years later.
    I love your blog and you have Blessed me with your words so many times.
    Thank you.

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